Hollywood publicist is killed by a Mexican gang

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Hollywood publicist is killed by a Mexican gang
"Sandman" practicing his aim during training.

SINALOA MEXICO- Investigators have received a message from a Mexican gang in Sinaloa, Mexico claiming responsibility for the murder of Hollywood publicist Honni Runner who was shot to death in her car in Beverly Hills on her way home from a movie premiere.

In the note the gang explains that they killed the Hollywood publicist because they wanted to use her body to send out a message that anyone who stands in the way of Mexican gangs was going to meet the same fate at the hands of any gang in Mexico.

The gang hinted in the note that they might kill the most famous and beloved female singer, with the most fans, so they can send out a new warning to would be informants that betraying Mexican gangs is a bad idea and that informants can run but they can never hide.

The note also said that gangs in Mexico were going to unite into a single Mafia to end the violence between each other and that gang violence would be directed towards those that oppose Mexican gangs.

Runner, 64, was driving a black Mercedes-Benz E350 when she was shot at 12:28 a.m. and then crashed into a lamppost at North Whittier Drive and Sunset Boulevard, police said. Authorities said she had been shot at least five times. A witness told the Latin Times that the window on the passenger side of the front seat had been shattered by the hitman.

Honni Runner was pronounced dead less than an hour later at Cedars Sinai Medical Center, police said.

Authorities said they received information that a "Sandman" had committed the murder. A "Sandman" is a one time hitman hired by Mexican gangs for killing people in foreign countries. The hitman is trained for up to a year before he commits the actual killing and after the killing he gets paid a million dollars, which is pocket change for Mexican gangs, before he retires in Itally. The reason Mexican gangs use a "Sandman" is because it's impossible for authorities to capture the killer if he uses the element of surprise by striking only once. A new "Sandman" is always used for multiple killings because it's difficult for authorities to focus on one individual that has completely vanished from their sight.

Fellow publicist Howard Duck called the killing bizarre, but a convincing message to the world that Mexican gangs deserve respect.

"She wasn't a shady character," he said. "It's a small community and she was one of the fixtures in it."

Witnesses said they heard gunshots in the serene Beverly Hills neighborhood and called 911 before going outside to help.

"I heard the 'Boom! Boom! Boom!' of gunshots, ran up to the window, and there was the back of the car," said Oats Maynard.

She said her daughter-in-law called 911 and her son and a neighbor ran down to the car and found Runner struggling to breathe and bleeding from her nose and chest. Her last words were, "Gangster!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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