Bristol Palin Hits The Hypocrite Circuit!
Beginning in Horse Muffin, Arkansas, Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol will be going on her speaking tour that will last until school starts again, unless discouraged. Calling in old political favors, Palin's mother Sarah has her daughter lined up t...
Read full storyAmerica's CBS and its new internal reality show "Die You Rotting Serials"
An aggresive CBS, (America), has created it's own television reality series call "Internal Culling"! The plot revolves around murdering top executive's who take to the axe to murder show's such as "Cold Case," "Ghost Whisperer" and five other seri...
Read full storyCameron and Clegg To Share Same Suit
New UK Tory Prime Minister David 'Dave' Cameron is likely to share the same suit on a daily basis with his Deputy Lib-Dem Prime Minister Nick 'Nick' Clegg, in a radical cost-cutting plan announced at Westminster yesterday, writes Justin Sycophant for...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth II Will Be Happy When Prince Charles "Gets Over His Whoopie Cushion Phase"
Prince Charles, the 61 year old heir apparent to the throne of England, is not making the Queen happy. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, said that "we will be pleased when my son finally outgrows his current Whoopie Cushion phase and stops sneaking t...
Read full storyThe Queen is Dead Boys, and it's so lonely on local Radio
A DJ who made a joke about Queen Elizabeth II popping her clogs is surprised it has attracted so much publicity. Danny Kelly who works for a radio station in the West Midlands is sorry if it offended anyone but is delighted that someone was actually...
Read full storyBlumenthal Denies Catching Clap In Vietnam
Before a gathering of Veterans in New Hartford, Connecticut, Attorney General Richard Blumenthal denied catching a case of non-specific urethritis, commonly known as the clap, while stationed in Vietnam. In defending himself from accusations that...
Read full storyOhio Boy Arrested for Using Bible Page as Rolling Paper
Sandusky, OH - The police were called to a home in Sandusky by a mother of a 16-year old whom she said was holed up in his room smoking marijuana and using pages from the Bible as rolling papers. When police arrived at the home, sure enough, the b...
Read full storyConnecticut Attorney General and Senate Candidate Richard Blumenthal Lied About Military Record
Connecticut's Attorney General and probably Democratic Senatorial Candidate is in hot water nationwide for claiming to be a Vietnam Veteran (when he was not). He is also in trouble for claiming to have been the captain of the Harvard University Swim...
Read full storyNaughty Housewives TV Show Replaces Real Housewives
Ratings aren't the only thing expected to rise on the set of the new TV show Naughty Housewives of Vegas. The new show is filming as we speak and should be ready for airing sometime in the fall. Based on the concept of the Real Housewives series of s...
Read full storyIraq's "Weapons of Mass Destruction" found on eBay
Alert CIA officers have discovered the missing Iraqi missiles being advertised for sale on the internet marketplace eBay. The existence of the missiles was hotly disputed before and after the invasion of Iraq in March 2003 by a coalition of forces in...
Read full storyBeeb's' Dead Queen Joke' an ominous portent says Hellfire Club
London - (Grim Reaper Mess): "Ha ha ha! Nearly pissed myself laughing when I heard old Fatty Mountbatten had finally croaked it!" BBC WM radio listener Prudence Blow commented today. This 'typical' audience reaction to presenter Danny Kelly's gaff...
Read full storyMacFucsakes Family Give Big Thumbs Up To Frigghall On Sea
Frequent travellers, and part time travel correspondents for Skoob News, the MacFucsakes family today gave a massive thumbs up to the UK tourism industry after spending a short break at booming resort town, Frigghall On Sea, bucking the trend for sho...
Read full storySole Dando shooting witness dead
London - (Crimebotch Mess): In scenes totally unreminiscent of poor old Mrs Cody's death in A Fish Called Wanda the only witness to the 1999 Jill Dando shooting has died. Geoffrey Upfill-Brown saw the TV presenter's killer and later passed over su...
Read full storyTexas Consults with Rush Limbaugh on Textbook Changes
The Texas Board of Education, whose majority members are of the more conservative Republican persuasion, has voted to make substantial changes to the Social Studies curriculum in their schools and to re-write the textbooks that accompany that curricu...
Read full storyDr. Billingsgate Nominated For Bullshitzer Piece Prize
The recent Spoof story published March 24, 2010, BFD: Biden Denies He Was Referring To Codpiece, has brought long over due recognition to Dr. Viscount Billingsgate. With today's announcement by Columbia University's Bullshitzer Prize review board, D...
Read full storyPresident Obama Explains Exactly How U.S. Will Pay Off Debts
"I hope Greece, Italy and Britain are watching closely as I, President of the United States of Ken..America, Nobel Prize winner and other prize winner, some from my enemies, tell you how we will pay off all our national debt by November." With t...
Read full storyEating sausages kills you!
Sausage eaters all over the world eating them and other processed foods are in danger, they kill! German sausage eaters would normally be "high risk" because they eat, per man, the most sausages on the planet but being Krauts they have a solution...
Read full storyFrigghall On Sea Braced For Tourism Boom
This time last year, the English resort town of Frigghall On Sea was just another faded seaside ghetto full of junkies, winos, and glue sniffers, wandering about among boarded up shops and abandoned fairgrounds. But this year, thanks to global war...
Read full storySarah Palin Attacked By Bear, Arrested
Since this is not bear season in Alaska, former Governor, and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, took a group of fellow politicians on a trip through the wilderness Sunday. Everything went well as she led them through some beautiful scenery...
Read full storyHere Come "The Endies": Better Late Than Never
HOLLYWOOD - In a somewhat startling move that appears to have caught many industry sideliners completely off guard - especially those with either too much at stake in the immediate future and/or significantly less than the advised 20/20 with regards...
Read full storyThe Truth About Fiction
Notes from the Writers Fictional Retreat, Death Valley, CA. - Non-Fiction purports to be true in that it is the author's words, which they believe to be true. What if the author writes something that isn't true but rather fictional truth written intentionally to mislead? How can the reader determine if the fictional non-fiction is really fiction and not non-fiction? Interesting questions, but...
Read full storyUK scientific evidence proves that men are a bunch of liars!
A UK scientific survey has proved what we all knew already, men are prolific liars and women just lie (down) now and then. Mums and wives are the most lied too people, obviously. When men were naughty little boys that's where the lying begins i.e: 1) Mum, I didn't get that bitch pregnant, it was her fault she opened her legs. 2) Mum, I didn't "nick" that money out of your wallet it was D...
Read full storyMichigan Yooper Lost in Canada and in Translation
A 27 year old man from Escanaba, Michigan was rescued yesterday after being lost in the Canadian wilderness, 100 miles north of Sudbury, Ontario. O.P.P. officers found the man stranded on the side of a two lane highway, locked and shivering in the...
Read full storyThe San Antonio Spurs Trade Tim Duncan To The Dallas Mavericks For Dirk Nowitzki
SAN ANTONIO - San Antonio Spurs owner Peter Holt stated that he hated to trade one of the best players to ever wear the silver and black but he says he just got tired of watching Timmy miss free throw after free throw. Holt said that when he first...
Read full storySexy Restaurant Orders its Girls to Gain Weight
In anticipation of Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan's desire for world wide equality, one restaurant chain, where all the wait-staff have big hooters, has ordered that all its waitresses gain at least ten to fifteen pounds by the end of the month, o...
Read full storyFeud Between Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck Intensifies
The feud that has been brewing between "America's Truth Detector," Rush Limbaugh and America's most vigilant "Rodeo Clown," Glenn Beck, ramped up a notch this week after news got out that Beck, with no more than a high school education was given an h...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: The Gaytalian Judge Bruno Tonioli Gets Excited and Uses The "F" Word!
HOLLYWOOD - The Dancing With The Stars semi-finals show went off without a hitch, except for the sidesaddle riding judge from Italy Bruno "La Eff Word" Tonioli. Yes, Brunito, as he is known in gay bars throughout Sicily, Sardinia, and Staten Islan...
Read full storySarah Harding Kidnapped - Tied To Railway Line By Mystery Fiend
Blonde bikini babe Sarah Harding out of girl band Girls Aloud was this afternoon at the centre of a massive police operation, after she was kidnapped and tied to a railway line in a Lancashire village. Whilst visiting a friend. The drama unfolded...
Read full storyTexting Now Official Language of Somalia
In a new move, "texting" has been instituted as the official language in the small African nation of Somalia. Many people have applauded this move, but those people all live in the southernmost regions of California. Others have questione...
Read full storyKatie Price, Stephen Fry And Cheryl Cole Stuck In A Lift Ordeal
CTV Centre - West London - We've just been informed that three celebrities, Katie Price, Stephen Fry, and Cheryl Cole are stuck in a lift at Celebrity TV Centre in West London, where they made The Two Ronnies and Blackadder. It is thought that the...
Read full storyRioting Greeks Dump Millions of Barrels of Virgin Olive Oil In Agean Sea To Protest Austerity Cuts!
Yet another major oil spill now threatens the Mediterranean and the Fragile European Union as thousands of Greek Government Workers rally and dump millions of barrels of Virgin Olive Oil into the Aegean Sea! After bloody rioting, the burning of a...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Accepted into Three Stooges Hall of Fame
Recognized for its similarity to the haircut made famous by Moe Howard, Justin Bieber's hairstyle has been accepted into the Three Stooges Hall of Fame, inside the Larry, Moe and Curly Museum. Curator of the Larry, Moe and Curly Museum, Sharon S...
Read full storyCork Soakers Union Elects New President
The California wine bottling industry remains in an uproar over the recent ouster of long standing Cork Soaker Union President, Haywood Jablome. With a firm grip on both Napa and Rutherford Valley union bottling facilities, Jimmy A. Haanjob won the...
Read full storySeeing Eye Dog Craps in Woods, Blind Man Fined For Not Noticing!
A Scottish blind man was arrested and briefly detained today after his seeing eye dog was observed crapping under a bush in a wooded area outside of Renfrow, Scotland. According to a council warden in charge of investigating such things as 'does...
Read full storyElement 117 named after Derek Acorah
University physicists in Liverpool have synthesised a new superheavy element with the atomic number one hundred and seventeen, and named it after local celebrity hero and psychic Derek Acorah. Acorahium, as it will be known once ratified by the In...
Read full storyGladiator Shoes Are Shit, Asserts Man, 46
Fashion experts were up in arms this morning, after an angry shopper complained that Gladiator shoes, the latest trend to hit Britain's high streets, were ABSOLUTELY SHIT, and looked ridiculous. The livid consumer, Moys Kenwood, 46, from Hull in E...
Read full storyKim Kardashian To Have One of Her Butts Surgically Removed
WEST HOLLYWOOD - One of Kim Kardashian's sisters has stated that Kimmy has consulted Dr. Rimsey F. Moneycutt, who is one of the best butt doctors in the entire nation, about having one of her two badonkadonks removed. Kim has reportedly stated to...
Read full storyOkay, So Who Wins The Most Freckles Contest? Lindsay Lohan or Ke$ha?
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan has just tossed another drink into the face of another young woman. LiLo will eventually end up throwing a drink into the face of the wrong girl who will pop the wayward diva-donna in her freckled mouth and rearrang...
Read full storyCommentary, by funwithwords: Sarah Palin Is A Dumbass
You read that right, folks: Sarah Palin is a dumbass. There really is no reason to act shocked, or else surprised, by this "new discovery" as, to quote Bob Dole, "I know it; you know it; the American people know it; the world knows it; the good folks on Mars know it," etc. And I really hate to be so blunt about the situation, I really do. But folks, I am unable to put it any other way.
Read full storyPlastic Policemen/women needed, Takwana Smith & Anitakapita Jones of Cargo Fleet are applying
The Police Force in England is much undermanned, or underwomened. Too many civilians and not enough 'plods on the beat' shall we say, according to the news. Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, recently in the news...
Read full storyPremature Ejaculation Remedy Hits U.K. Shelves Ahead of Schedule
LONDON, U.K. - The United Kingdom never had a chance to brace itself for the early release of a new pill designed to prevent premature ejaculation. Medical trials, conducted to prove that just one tablet of the drug Penirgy can make men last up to...
Read full storyThe Dark Flowers Chronicles - An Aside
Pssst! Oy! You! Yes you! C'mere! Has he gone yet? I only ask, because sometimes it's really difficult being a flower down a coal mine. As if I don't have enough worries! Oh yeah, I hear you say. Another unsatisfied with his lot in life underachiever...stop right there. Did you ever devote one single second of your life considering what an uphill struggle it is for a flower in a coal...
Read full storyBen Roethlisberger Opens Charm School
Two time Super Bowl winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers has recently opened a charm school for athletes. Located in downtown Pittsburgh near several bars and adult cabarets, the sign outside the door simply reads, "Ben R...
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