Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

image for Gladiator Shoes Are Shit, Asserts Man, 46
Hull city centre yesterday

Fashion experts were up in arms this morning, after an angry shopper complained that Gladiator shoes, the latest trend to hit Britain's high streets, were ABSOLUTELY SHIT, and looked ridiculous.

The livid consumer, Moys Kenwood, 46, from Hull in East Yorkshire, made the astonishing claim to a woman he was sitting next to on the bus during his journey home from a lengthy round of window-shopping in Hull city centre yesterday.

The shoes, not unlike those worn in Roman times by people who knew no better, are the silliest thing in years, being little more than thin strips of cheap leather cobbled together by otherwise-unemployed menials in some remote province of China.

Coloured plastic 'jewels' are then added to give the shoes aesthetic appeal.

Mr Kenwood told the lady passenger:

"Those shoes are shit. I hate seeing people's feet, especially when the filthy bastards haven't washed them for weeks!"

The woman, who was wearing a pair of the sandals herself, moved her filthy feet into a position where her footwear could not be seen by Mr Woods, and replied:

"Isn't this your stop?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Fashion, shoes

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