A 27 year old man from Escanaba, Michigan was rescued yesterday after being lost in the Canadian wilderness, 100 miles north of Sudbury, Ontario.
O.P.P. officers found the man stranded on the side of a two lane highway, locked and shivering in the cab of his 1979 Chevy pick up truck, complete with gun rack and naked girl silhouette mud flaps. "Yaah! Thank God, eh? You betcha, I thought I was a gonner out here in da woods without a Rutabaga Pasty, or cold Bud Light to my name", said U.P. resident, Thor Steeson.
"What about the deer in the back of the truck", asked O.P.P. officer Bob Gretzky. "No relation", Gretzky added. "It looks like a fresh kill, and we're not even in playoff season anymore, eh?".
Steeson nervously replied, "But surrounded by all deez Scotch Pines ya know, feeling the pangs of hunger, I thought dat I could just poach one, ya know, like a good neighbor could. Ya know, dat would be real good, real good, ya know." Not wanting to fill out the paperwork on yet another lost Michigander nor understanding the Yooper babble coming out of his mouth, Gretzky agreed to point the man south, directing him back towards Highway 17 and Sault St. Marie. "Just give us the Venison back straps and you can go, eh?"
Steeson was reported to be waving at the officers as he drove south, while Officer Gretzky shouted, "Don't let the Soo Bridge hit you in the ass on the way out!" Turning his attention to his partner Gretzky said, "Now, let's get us a six pack of Crullers at Horton's and a coffee to go, eh?"
