Pigeon SWAT Teams Target High-Profile Personalities
In a scene reminiscent of Hitchcock's The Birds, a flock of pigeons swooped over the Capitol steps and crapped all over Rep. Charley Rangel (D) of New York. Reports are coming in from multiple locations across the country where similar attacks have...
Read full storyChelseas' Wedding reception interrupted
Ex President Clinton was all smiles at Chelsea's wedding reception this afternoon. That was until one of the Bridesmaids was discovered under his table. The Bridesmaid was discovered after she inadvertently tripped a waiter when she stretched her cra...
Read full storySan Antonio Opens Up The First U.S. Sperm Bank With A Drive Thru Window
SAN ANTONIO - In the who said there is nothing new under the sun category. A branch of The San Antonio Second National Sperm Bank has just opened up the nation's very first Sperm Bank with a drive thru window. Traci Ann Quickowitz, president in ch...
Read full storySwedish Doctors Approve 300 Pound Weight Loss Diet
Doctors in Sweden have certified for general medical use a Proporol-based diet program that guarantees humongous weight losses. The only catches are: You have to like ice cream and red velvet cake with thick marshmallow frosting; and you must be...
Read full storyHell Getting Cooler
Clerics from around the globe met in Cyprus last week to discuss increasing evidence of global warming and its' impact to religious teachings of all denominations. With global warming now proven by compelling scientific evidence religious leaders are...
Read full storyX-Factor Winner Joe McElderry Says He Really Isn't Gay But His Boyfriend Is
LONDON - The winner of this past season's X-Factor, Joe McElderry of South Shields, Tyneside, was sitting in Little Limey O'Shea's Pub when he was asked if the rumors of him being gay are in fact true. McElderry, put down his Shirley Temple drink,…
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Has Been Asked To Join The TV Show The Jersey Shore
BROOKLYN - Miley Cyrus was in Brooklyn shopping for a special brand of knee high boots sold only at Brooklyn's Dees Boots Is Made Fa Walkin' Boot Shop. She was asked if the rumors about her being asked to join The Jersey Shore were true. Miley...
Read full storyButch Patrick, aka Eddie Munster of "The Munsters" To Marry His #1 Fan Which He Met At A Vampire-Werewolf-Chupacabra Convention
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - Butch Patrick, who starred as little Eddie Munster in the 60s sit-com, The Munsters is walking on cloud 9. The little fella, who is now 57, met his future wife at a Vampire-Werewolf-Chupacabra convention held in Interco...
Read full storySarah Palin Attempts to Crash Clinton Wedding
In a scene right out of The Real Housewives of New York, Sarah Palin had her bus driver drive her and Todd all the way across country and into the tiny town of Rhinebeck, NY to find out why they weren't on the guest list of the biggest American weddi...
Read full storyHeidi Montag and Spencer Pratt To Divorce on Grounds of Irreconcilable Plastic
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The divorce that many had been expecting has arrived. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who starred in the hit series The Hills, have decided to part ways. Montag will journey into the world of plastic and Pratt will most likely wa...
Read full storyChelsea Clinton wedding. Obama "out", Indian hotelier who pioneered famous weight-loss regime "in"
RHINEBECK - NEW YORK HUDSON VALLEY: In what is being called "the wedding of the century", Chelsea Clinton will marry long-time BF Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea - a Methodist and Marc - a conservative Jew will be married in 2 separate ceremonies reflec...
Read full storyPaul Boil: Competitive Eater R.I.P
In the world of competitive eating, only one name stands above all others, Paul Boil. The 29 year old bricklayer from Stafford has won more competitions in his five year career than any other eater competitor on the scene. Crowned a heady four...
Read full storyTeam Divide Causes Tension At Ferrari
Formula 1 has taken another knock in popularity today after a new scandal has emerged between the two Ferrari drivers, Spain's Fernando Alonso and the Brazilian Felipe Massa. The team were already being investigated for claims of 'race fixing', be...
Read full storyAngel Tells All About God & Heaven in New Book
Start paying attention to the Ten Commandments! This is the advice from a rogue angel that descended from heaven in late winter of this year. Sitting in a white gown and emitting a heavenly aura, the angel, who does not have a name, gave us a bri...
Read full storySnooki Arrested In New Jersey!
Jersey Shore cast member Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has been arrested in the New Jersey beach town, Seaside Heights, where the MTV show is based. Seaside Heights Police Chief Thomas Byrd says Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was arrested at around 3:30 p.m.
Read full storyThe God Particle And Hillary's Wedding Outfit
Over a thousand physicists reported in Paris that they haven't found the God particle, but they know where it isn't. Where it isn't? Sounds like the British Petroleum team. The God particle is the boom that caused the big bang. How is the boom tha...
Read full storyIce-Age skull discovered on Isle of Wight
Amateur fossil hunter, Norman Soffett from Southampton, has reportedly discovered a skull dating back almost 2 million years, pre-dating the most recent ice-age. If, as believed, the skull belongs to the Pliocene epoch of the Tertiary period, then...
Read full storyLiam Gallagher Dismisses Oasis Reunion Rumours
Ex Oasis frontman, Liam Gallagher, has laughed off rumours that the band are set to reunite, in a move that is sure to cause a huge sigh of relief to music fans everywhere. Dick The Mancunian Gobshite told NME reporter Alan Wilder "These fu*kin...
Read full storyHeida Montag Divorcing Spencer Pratt
The reality couple from "The Hill" apparently have eyes for a divorce as 23-year-old Heidi Montag is leaving Spencer Pratt, she reportedly told friends this morning. "She said that it wasn't working", stated an inside source. "I told her that i...
Read full storyThe Waiting is Over: Now the Work Begins
The waiting is finally over for local man Seaton Carew. The man, who had been waiting for four months to have his fate decided for him, was finally given that fate at approximately half past eleven on Friday 30th July when the three sitting magistrates found him guilty and passed sentence. The guilty verdict came as no surprise to the patient local man, as this was his plea, however the sent...
Read full storyArgentina goes 'gay' and Maradona hopes to tie the knot with Messi & Co!
Despite many protests from the Argentinian Catholic Church (they demanded exclusive rights for being the only 'gays' in Argentina) the government have decided to legalise 'gay' weddings. As soon as the law was passed a very surprising candidate f...
Read full storyThe H Team
In 1972, an arse crack commando unit was sent to prison by a medical court for a haemorrhoid cream they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underpants. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as Soldiers of fart tunes. If you have a piles problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire.... the prep...
Read full storyHillary Gives Chelsea Advice About Wedding Night
What does a young lady need to hear before her wedding night? According to a Source (Worker for the caterers), who overheard the two talking in a low voice while the Source was inside the catering truck, there is quite a bit. "Remember, Chelsea, d...
Read full storyTrampoline Party
Penny celebrated her 12th birthday with a Trampoline Party. The days of Macdonalds parties were over, this was something really different. The best thing for Penny is that she was better at trampolining than everyone else. Could be this had something to do with choosing this particular venue. Even Terry was bested so Penny decided she had to fall off the trampoline before he got too upset.
Read full storyDog Looks Over Gate
There was uproar in the village this morning when the news got out that a dog was seen looking over a gate. The bizarre event became a major talking point amongst the residents of the quiet seaside area of Cockleshell Bay. What was he looking...
Read full storyThe real Chelsea Clinton 'lies buried in White House Rose Garden'
Washington - (Hybrid Tea Rose News): Buried under the fragrant commemorative floribunda cultivars the Laura Bush Rose and the Rose Kennedy Rose lies the truth of those irrascible Clinton years in orifice. And this afternoon the doppelganger strol...
Read full story"Mother Teresa was Crack Ho," Says Breitbart
In a Blog post that has infuriated Christians around the world, Andrew Breitbart claims he has proof that Mother Teresa was a Crack Ho. Breitbart, who is in seclusion at the RNC headquarters, says he has video and recordings that prove that Mother Te...
Read full storySenate committee to subpoena CIA NOC-List file on Abdel-Basset Ali Al-Megrahi Ratzinger
Washington AC/DC - (Holy Shit!): The dossier on one of the Pope's bastard sons was 'sanitised' during the Reagan/Bush1 presidency amid fears 'it was just too goddam explosive' for humble joe public. And now the Senate Foreign Relations Committee...
Read full storyNational Trust to link up with Cash Converters
The National Trust has just announced a link up between the High Street pawnbroker, Cash Converters and their gift shops. A revamp of existing National Trust shops is planned for 2013 after a meeting of the National Trust Governing Body decided th...
Read full storySwiss Guard ordered to check if altar boys are going commando
Rome - (Papa Bullshit): In Old Testament days it used to be called loincloth shunning. And this weekend it's really got up the Pope's nose as the relentless Italian heatwave continues to fry the Papal bollox - er...brain! - to oblivion. An ann...
Read full storyChelsea Clinton: Horse Back Riding Caused my Hymen to Break, But I Had It Fixed In London Just in Time!
In a late breaking story in the American Medical Journal, Chelsea Clinton admits to how she broke her Hymen and what she did about it prior to her arranged marriage in Rheinbeck, NY taking place this weekend! According to the attending physician D...
Read full storyWill he leak?
With urine on his hands the boss of Willieleaks has confessed to peeing on his trousers and down the street. In fact the leak dribbled into the drains and upset various creatures in the sewers. 'I couldn't hold on any longer' complained Leaking Bo...
Read full storyIan Huntley Execution Plea Lodged
Soham murderer Ian Huntley, who killed the innocent little schoolgirls Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, has told guards at Frankland Prison he should be executed, after he was attacked by an inmate. The 36-year-old former school caretaker's throat...
Read full storyNHS provide 'Prostitutes on Prescription'
It has emerged today that a number of NHS Primary Care Trusts are regularly recommending the use of prostitutes in cases involving certain types of sexual dysfunction. Recent figures issued by Dorset Primary Care Trust, disclosed that over £327,00...
Read full storyPicassos stolen by Robotic Flies
The Seattle Art Museum opened today with few patrons waiting at the doors, uneventful and relaxed. Josh Littlebear, reception desk guard, was hoping for more activity so the day went fast. Ten minutes later the front doors were jammed with two tour...
Read full storyWorkplace Horoscopes
ASTROLOGY: Tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out... MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketi...
Read full storyBritish Film Industry In Crisis - Hollywood Moguls Put The Boot In
As the British Film Industry reels under austerity measures introduced by the Con-Dem coalition government, including the scrapping of the UK Film Council - which has funded countless film projects (at least half a dozen, and counting...) - industry...
Read full storyKara DioGuardi's Rubbing Up Against Simon Cowell Got Her Fired From American Idol
HOLLYWOOD - The producer of American Idol was asked why he fired judge Kara DioGuardi. Simon Shindlebocker, senior executive producer stated that he fired Ms. DioGuardi after she refused to stop rubbing her New York tits against Simon (Cowell) during...
Read full storySpoof Writers Catch Break Today, FlashNews Closing Doors
Writers for the Spoof take heart. A major source of weird and comedic stories for morning radio shows, major late-night talk shows, including "The Tonight Show" and even "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," has shuttered its doors. FlashNews is no...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - Ryde Man Opens Museum In Garden Shed
Ryde - Isle of Wight - Trinity Street resident Starvin Moondust, a former hippy and hangover from the IOW festival decades ago when Hendrix was still strutting his stuff, has decided to assist the island's ailing economy by opening a museum of techno...
Read full storyEmma Watson - Just Not That Kind Of Girl - Doesn't Do Nude Shoots
Friends and supporters of the actress, Emma Watson - Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies - have finally had a belly full of bullshit stories circulating on the internet purporting to show Emma nude, naked, wearing a tiny bikini in Hawaii, or...
Read full storyKatie Price - Don't Call Us, We'll Call You
Minor news outlet Skoob Entertainment News announced last night that they will not be publishing any more items concerning uber breasted self styled media star Katie Price, aka Jordan. A spokesman for SEN told us that: "Katie Price, aka Jordan,...
Read full storyIan Huntley To Sue Prison Service For £100,000
In one of the most bizarre cases in the annals of the British legal system, it has been revealed that double-child murderer Ian Huntley is to launch a lawsuit against HM Prison service on the grounds that officers of said organisation were negligent...
Read full storyCarl Paladino Nickname Contest
The Carl Paladino campaign announced a new contest today for supporters to help choose a nickname for the Governor candidate, hoping it will help him compete with Little Ricky (Rick Lazio) and the Cuomo-nator (Andrew Cuomo). Early results in the c...
Read full storyX-Factor's Joe McElderry In Shock 'I'm Gay' Admission
Music industry insiders expressed surprise overnight by Cheryl Cole's wee X-Factor 'babby brutha' Joe McElderry's announcement that he is gay. None were more surprised than the natives of Joe's hometown of South Shields. As one resident, Basha Blu...
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