Written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for The God Particle And Hillary's Wedding Outfit
Mother of the bride.

Over a thousand physicists reported in Paris that they haven't found the God particle, but they know where it isn't. Where it isn't? Sounds like the British Petroleum team.

The God particle is the boom that caused the big bang. How is the boom that caused the big bang made? With electron volts. So far 158 to 175 billion electron volts ain't cooking it. Gotta go higher. CERN lab near Geneva, the most powerful lab in the world (not including God), is expected to do the trick. It should be cranked up high enough for a test in about a year or two. And forget billions of volts. CERN lab goes up to 3.5 trillion.

The world is relieved to know that British Petroleum is not pursuing the God particle. Without trying, BP already found the Devil particle in the Gulf of Mexico. With whiz-kid Tony Hayward at the helm: he was never in the loop or present at any meetings; all work was done without his knowledge, visited the hairdresser that day, ear wax removable the next, fitted for a new suit, manicure, pedicure, hairdresser again, second suit fitting, drove the cat to the vet; did nothing important 24/7, but received a retirement package estimated at over seventeen million.

In laser sharp contrast, Chelsea Clinton's wedding seems to be planned by Navy SEALS. No floating about in a series of "who knows" shrugs. The wedding will take place at Astor Courts in New York; built by John Astor who went down with the Titanic. Not a good jumping off point. All the public knows is that the kid is getting married on Saturday, Bill Clinton will be walking her down the aisle and Hillary will not be wearing a pantsuit. Also, there will be cake. Looking gorgeous, the bride may be wearing Vera Wang. Maybe. The guy? Doesn't matter.

"Ma, you said you weren't going to wear a pantsuit."

"They're coolots."

"They look vintage Betty Davis."

Without cranking it up to 3.5 trillion electron volts, the God particle kicked in and Hillary switched to a Dolce Gabbana dress ensemble.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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