Team Divide Causes Tension At Ferrari

Written by Nick Hobbs

Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for Team Divide Causes Tension At Ferrari
Massa's 'Betsy' on standby

Formula 1 has taken another knock in popularity today after a new scandal has emerged between the two Ferrari drivers, Spain's Fernando Alonso and the Brazilian Felipe Massa.

The team were already being investigated for claims of 'race fixing', because Massa was told by team bosses to let Alonso through for the race win. Now things seem to have escalated, internally.

Qualifying was going well for the Spanish driver when he suddenly span off the track, crashing into safety barriers and ruining his car. Under new FIA regulations, a team has to use the same car in qualifying as they do in the actual race.

After pondering what to do, team bosses worked out that Alonso had not technically performed his qualifying lap and therefore could still compete for it, so they immediately sent for Massa's car. Alonso then set a record lap in his team-mate's car, giving him pole position as it stood.

But what of Massa? He now had no car. Well, just as it looked like Massa would have to forfeit the race, he was sent out on to the track, in a tiny child's plastic pedal car.

The 5'6" driver looked incredibly uncomfortable, crammed into something a 4 year old should drive. After 4 hours he was still to finish his first lap.

Massa had had to stop three times to reattach the front left wheel, and twice to straighten the pedal mechanism which had buckled under his weight.

Team mechanics assured us that the car would be race-fit for tomorrow, however.

Massa looked quite annoyed as he entered the pits, as the sun went down in Hungary. All other teams had left a good five hours before, and only a skeleton staff were left behind to perform last minute testing on 'Betsy', the Little Tikes factory special.

A new set of tools were being shipped in especially for the race, as the pit crew soon discovered that their air line rachets, used to quickly remove the wheels during racing, were far too big for 'Betsy'. One team member had already sheared off the whole front axle whilst removing a small nut.

Massa left for the hotel under a cloud, made worse by a booking error with the chauffeur company who had arrived with too small a car for Felipe and his pit crew. One quick call to team bosses ensured Massa would be taking the company skateboard back to his room.

Felipe could not be contacted for comment, but Alonso did give us this official statement, "I alone am best. All other's are not best. To be the best, you must be me. No one is me, but me, that is why I'm best! It was a fair decision. The best man win. Sí?"

We're set for quite a race, albeit under tense circumstances.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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