NHS provide 'Prostitutes on Prescription'

Funny story written by Stevey G.

Saturday, 31 July 2010


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'Will that be Private or NHS Sir?'

It has emerged today that a number of NHS Primary Care Trusts are regularly recommending the use of prostitutes in cases involving certain types of sexual dysfunction.

Recent figures issued by Dorset Primary Care Trust, disclosed that over £327,000 had been spent on prostitutes during the last financial year alone. Most of this money would have been spent on direct patient care, but a spokesman confirmed that some of this budget would have been expended by senior hospital consultants themselves and would relate to recruitment, quality control and continual assessment.

'For many people a good sex life comes naturally', said Prof. Colin Cunnilingus, a senior sex therapy consultant working on a freelance basis for Dorset Primary Care Trust. 'But unfortunately problems can occur,for example, problems reaching orgasm, a lack of libido, premature ejaculation or arousal problems. In these cases we believe that it's far better to simply call in the 'professionals' and we've witnessed some quite spectacular results!'

Dorset resident and local councillor, Edna Prudish, is vehemently opposed to the scheme. 'It's absolutely disgusting', she said earlier today. 'This money should be spent on medicines, equipment and patients who are really ill. I've been waiting for a hip replacement for 18 months'.

Local call-girl and part-time lap-dancer, Lucy Lips disagrees. 'It's nice to know that we're appreciated'. she said. 'I always wanted to be a nurse. I'm officially a 'health-professional', and I work under contract for Dorset NHS at £1000 per day.'

Ben Dover, (63) from Poole has been receiving treatment for two years and is full of praise for the scheme. 'It's absolutely wonderful', he said, 'I get an hour with Lucy, twice a week on the National Health and to think I only came in with hemorroids.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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