Carl Paladino Nickname Contest

Funny story written by Rick Andrew Carl

Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for Carl Paladino Nickname Contest
Carl Paladino liked his old Buffoon hairstyle.

The Carl Paladino campaign announced a new contest today for supporters to help choose a nickname for the Governor candidate, hoping it will help him compete with Little Ricky (Rick Lazio) and the Cuomo-nator (Andrew Cuomo).

Early results in the contest may pose problems. The leading choice, Palomino Paladino, evokes memories of the candidate's horse porn e-mail incident. Similar issues plague other options, such as Paladi-Whoa and Horse-porn Carl.

In second place is Don Paladino, but that brings the candidate's rumored mafia connections into focus. The candidate dispelled any such concerns: "All my criminal associates are Irish or work for the government. My paesans are all too stupid."

Pinkadino is running a close third, but the campaign has indicated it will not adopt a name that could be construed as supporting homosexuality. "We don't like queers," noted consultant Rus Thompson, "and our color is orange because Carl's going to move to Florida after the campaign is over anyway."

A consensus may be forming around the fourth-place choice, The Buffalo Buffoon. "I tried that hairstyle back in the '60s," Paladino confirmed.

Previously the campaign had a contest to choose a party name. Supporters chose Taxed Enough Already, with the acronym TEA. Paladino instead adopted the name Taxpayer's Party. "This shows his independence," asserted campaign manager Michael Caputo. "Carl doesn't even care what his supporters think. He just does what I tell him and writes big checks."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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