Letters To The Editor From Famous Types Part I
Dear Sir, Excuse me for taking up space on your letters page, but I feel the need to vent. And, let's be honest. I've read some of these letters you get sent in. How can I put it delicately? They're not exactly the Collected Letters of Robert Southey are they? So it's not as if I am taking up valuable literary space, now, is it? And no, I don't know who the fuck Robert Southey is, I just go...
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LOS ANGELES - Zac Efron has just told Larry King that he will start shooting his new movie Big Foot Gets Abducted By Vampire Aliens in two weeks. The film which is being co-produced by Vilandro Gorianzanni and Luigi Luigiani will be shot in locati...
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HOLLYWOOD - The host of America's Got Talent Nick "The Stick" Cannon said that the acts keep getting better and better. Eleven year old rapper C.J. Dippa showed the audience and the judges that he can rap with the best of them. And the amazing th...
Read full storyLook For New Adam Lambert Commercials On TV Soon!
Singer Adam Lambert has signed to do commercials for the Jimmy Dean Sausage Company. A Source stated that Lambert had signed the contract several months ago but allowed the jokes to go around first. The song and dance commercials may include other...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Throws Away Blow-Up Doll!
He must have forgotten about it but the newly married Limbaughs, Rush and Kathryn, had their first fight over his blow up doll, Nancy. Neighbors in Florida heard the yelling and one happened to see, through his binoculars, Rush Limbaugh come stalk...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Seeing Dead People In Cell
On her fifth day in the slammer, Lindsay Lohan now claims that the cell is haunted. "I'm not on anything either..I mean anything that's illegal. Just take my 14 regular pills", stated the wide-eyed actress. Asked what exactly she had seen, Lind...
Read full storySocial Networking website sets new insult guidelines
The social networking site where your Face is in a Book or where your Face and all your personal details are sold to the highest bidder, has published guidelines on how you can go about insulting one of your 'friends' without being sued or stabbed.
Read full storySuBo fanatics in quilt safety recall!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today issued an emergency quilt safety recall, after it was discovered the quilt presented to Susan by the loonies has a dangerous level of 'banned and damned' names sewn into it. The quilt, whi...
Read full storyLocal Man Has Trouble Wiping Arse
Local man Charlie Browne has a very sensitive bottom. Due to this disability, Charlie struggles to even wipe his backside correctly. "We've tried every brand of toilet paper - from the extra soft variety to the sandpapery stuff you'd find in ca...
Read full storyWriter of Story Doesn't Give a Fuck
A spoof writer (me) woke up this morning with the sudden urge to not give a fuck about anything any more. "As soon as my feet hit the icy cold floor, I was overcome with a wave of emotion that carried me off to the sort of place where I couldn't g...
Read full storyLife smells much better when you are a Pig
Emails, text messages, folders and files, They just organise your life in measure of toils, But a pig in the muck lives happy and free Grunting in poo-poo is more fun, you'll agree. Oinky snort Timetables, wall charts, meetings and strategies I'd much rather slop about up to my knees, So why bother with late nights and all of that stress, When you could be a piglet and wallow in mess.
Read full story"Spare A Copper Gov'"
Westminster: London 27th July 1066 - As if further proof were even needed that the existing UK Coalition Government are more manic that a coach load of blind lesbians in a fish market, today's announcement by the Home Secretary, Teresa May finally pr...
Read full story'Princess Diana was abducted by Aliens,' claims Al Fayed
Mohamed Al Fayed, the retired ex-owner of Harrods and billionaire entrepreneur, has made startling claims today about the 'deaths' of his son Dodi and Diana, the former Princess of Wales. In a new book launched today, 'Diana and Dodi,the Untold St...
Read full storyIraq Inquiry Blackout
In a surprising move the Iraq Inquiry was blacked out for the rest of its sessions just as Hans Blick, the only influential person who tried to stop the war still living, was about to be interviewed. With the blink of an eyelid Blick was no more.
Read full storyMel Gibson Voted Religious Boyfriend Of The Year
Dateline Malibu Mel Gibson showed the love he has in his heart by accepting Jesus Christ into his life. Some would lay low, not Mel. Oksana Grigorieva: Yes? Mel Gibson: Stay on this phone and don't hang up on me. I have plenty of energy to drive over there. You understand me? AND I WILL! SO JUST F------ LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO MY F------ RANTING. LISTEN TO WHAT YOU DO TO ME. OG: I didn...
Read full storyCat Stevens: "We're Lifting Pork Ban"
BILLIONS of the world's religious believers choked on their cornflakes this morning following bombshell revelations that Islam may lift a centuries-old ban on pork. The radical reform was announced by Islam's voice on Earth Cat Stevens and sparked...
Read full storyInmate Lindsay "Lips of Love" Lohan (#362436) Has A Brand New Prison 'Boyfriend' - LaTunga "Da Daddy" Ferguson
LOS ANGELES - The warden of The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women, Noah Westbunker, has verified the rumor that inmate Lindsay Lohan has in fact become the girlfriend of fellow inmate LaTunga "Da Daddy" Ferguson (#270193). Ferguson is imprisoned on c...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - Ryde Hit By Swede Shortage
Ryde - Isle of Wight - Local suppliers today announced that the shortage of swedes in the Ryde area shows no sign of abating. Swede has been unavailable in the Ryde area for over four days now, although a handful have been reportedly sold in Shanklin...
Read full storyPart III: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date!
Following are some generally unknown facts that you can use while on a date with that new Girl/Guy: 10. The longest mile that was ever recorded was 5,281.5 feet long! 9. The singer Joe Cocker learned his famous jerky style of singing as a 6-year-old after eating 10 peach tree seeds after a dare. 8. Linguists tell us that while everyone says that they have eaten corn on the cob, in truth,...
Read full storyAnna Fermanova outguns Anna Chapman in the bikini stakes
Texas - (Hairline Trigger): Looking remarkably lovely - like a teenage Paris Hilton, maybe! - the 35-22-34 Latvian-born 24 year-old's itsy-bitsy string two-piece is an eye-catching little number. Modelled by stunning blond Texan beautician Anna...
Read full storyA Fight Breaks Out At The San Diego Comic Convention Between Frankenstein Fans and Count Dracula Fans
SAN DIEGO - Police were called to quell a mini-riot that broke out between the fans of Frankenstein and the fans of Count Dracula at the 2010 San Diego Comic Con. Brenda Valene Chardwater, a spokesperson for the Comic Convention said that it all s...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Wants The Ku Klux Klan To Leave The State Immediately or Risk Being 'De-Hooded'
TUCSON, Arizona - Governor Janifellatia (Jan) Brewer has just informed The Grand Exalted Dragon Wizard of The Grand Imperial Order of The Knights of The Off-White Bougainvillea, Rayford "Whitey" Giddykoontz that she wants him and his group of quasi r...
Read full storyAnother spy called Anna!
It has been only a matter of weeks since America banished sexy Russian spy, Anna Chapman, amid worldwide publicity and now it would appear that another has been discovered. Blond bombshell, Anna Fermanova, a 24 year old Latvian who has been studyi...
Read full storyPM Spotted Busking in Bangalore
DAVID Cameron's trade trip to India was in crisis this morning following lurid reports of a drink-fuelled ministerial busking session down a back alley in Bangalore. The Prime Minister is leading the biggest British trade delegation to India since...
Read full storyKatie Price and the Devil
Katie Price has revealed to her shocked family that she sold her soul to the Devil when she 5 years old. Katie, who has recently had a disastrous turn at becoming a pop star with her single, 'Pee In A Loo', told her family last night she sold her...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Plays Salt, Naked.
Dateline Hollywood - There were many in the industry who questioned her abilities. Could she play the part? It seems, after much coaching, practice and direction. Yes, the opinions are in, the critics have had their say and the conclusion is, indeed...
Read full storyThe Mystery Of Luck Finally Revealed
Ever wondered why bad things happen to people? Have you ever pondered your own mortality? Or considered why it is that 'luck' just isn't on your side? Well maybe you have the 'Bastard Particle'. Scientists from the USA, Sweden, Japan and Bournemou...
Read full storyMan Killed By Falling Dream
A Sussex man was killed last night after being crushed by a falling dream. Billy Nash was walking home from the Dog And Gonad public house in Littlehampton when the incident occurred at around 10 o'clock last night. "We are all in deep shock o...
Read full storyNothing Bad Happened Today
Dateline Earth - Despite all odds, it seems nothing really bad happened today, on the planet Earth. Doctors, Nurses and Health Care Workers found that in all the clinics, hospitals and doctors offices, there was no one suffering from anything. Al...
Read full storyIranian President Jealous of Paul, the Psychic Octopus
Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, during a speech he was giving at a national youth conference, condemned Paul, the Psychic Octopus as nothing more than a sham, a fake. He even went so far as to tell the young people that Octopi cannot communic...
Read full storyThe Muppet Wars, Chapter 4: Elmo, Baby and the Down Low Girls.
Elmo's life began to turn around when he was introduced to a green triceratops named Frances "Baby" Houseman. Frances came to the Children's Television Workshop studios to audition for a role on Sesame Street, while playing the role of "Fang, the Man-Eating Dinosaur" on a series of home videos called "Barney and the Backyard Gang," which starred Sandy Duncan. "That was the summer of 1989 - w...
Read full storyMexico refuses to take illegal immigrants fleeing America
With the Arizona law about to be put into effect, thousands of illegal's are trapped at the border. The Mexican government announced, "Unless these people have proper Mexican Identification, we will not allow them into our country." The Mexican...
Read full storyFr Francois Dubois SJ In Confessional Brawl With Best Buddy
Bishopsville - West 'By God' Virginia - Consternation today at the Church of The Wide Receiver here in Bishopsville, when a confession degenerated into a fist fight between the penitent and the priest. Mrs Myrtle Bitch 54, of Stovepipe parish had...
Read full storyJulianne Hough Tells Her Brother Derek Hough That If Her and Ryan Seacrest's Baby Is A Boy They'll Name Him Ryan and If It's A Girl They'll Name Her Ryan
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Julianne Hough, Ryan Seacrest's new girlfriend, was sitting in the American Idol host's mansion dubbed, Casa American Idol drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and eating some Diet Cheetos while talking to her older brother Derek. Derek, w...
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