Bishopsville - West 'By God' Virginia - Consternation today at the Church of The Wide Receiver here in Bishopsville, when a confession degenerated into a fist fight between the penitent and the priest.
Mrs Myrtle Bitch 54, of Stovepipe parish had popped into the church to get out of the rain, and was quietly sitting reading her copy of 'The DaVinci Code' by Dan Brown in a pew when she heard the beginnings of an altercation from the confessional box.
Mrs Bitch told of how she heard raised voices, and that before she could barely blink, the priest, Father Francois DuBois SJ and a man later named as Bert - a close friend of the priest - were slugging it out in the central aisle.
A clearly terrified Mrs Bitch described how the two combatants appeared to alternate, one to another, as they punched each other repeatedly in the face.
A second witness who burst into the church upon hearing the hullabaloo described how the two men exchanged blows of savage ferocity, and went on to confirm that although both men occasionally reeled and staggered from the sheer power of the punches, neither man went down on his ass at any point.
Three deputies eventually separated the brawlers and order was finally restored. Town Doctor, Marcus Wouldbee MD told us that the orgasm Mrs Bitch suffered at the height of the violence was not life threatening.
Sources have since revealed that Bert was pissed off when Father DuBois ordered him to do a penance of three hundred Our Fathers, three thousand Hail Marys and a De Profundis for committing a mortal sin which a drunken Father Dubois put him up to in the first place.
Latest reports suggest that the feuding twosome have made up their differences and were last seen drinking bourbon and hollering for the strippers at The Oasis Bar And Grill on Main Street.
We were going to bring you more on this story, but our reporter started drinking with the two protagonists at the bar and we haven't seen him since.
More when he regains consciousness.