Social Networking website sets new insult guidelines

Funny story written by Rudolph Schlong

Wednesday, 28 July 2010


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Social Networking - Its all about birds with their tits out

The social networking site where your Face is in a Book or where your Face and all your personal details are sold to the highest bidder, has published guidelines on how you can go about insulting one of your 'friends' without being sued or stabbed.

After a young man was sued for leaving a comment on one of his friends profiles which read 'you like kids and you are gay' the social networking giant has advised its users how they must word hilarious tirades of abuse going forward.

A spokesman for the website said, 'We understand our users want to express their feelings to their friends and we do not want to prevent them from continuing to do so. What we don't want is friends becoming upset and reacting by taking other friends to court so we have decided that the only way to do this is by asking friends to use a language that their other friends don't understand... English.'

'We know most of our users are totally illiterate and can only communicate to each other using acronyms like OMG and LMFAO along with incorrectly spelt swear words. So if they can't work out what their friend has written then we will never have any more incidents like this again.'

'For example if you previously wanted to leave a comment saying...'

'u is a gay peado cunt LOL'

'This will now have to be entered as...'

'My esteemed friend and colleague. You are a gentleman who feels they have more in common with other gentlemen than they do with the fairer sex. In fact you particularly enjoy intimacy with your fellow brothers, especially if they are under the legal age of consent even though you often resemble the female sex organ. This image makes me laugh extremely loudly even though I'm not laughing extremely loudly but I am trying to suggest to you that the previous comment was meant to be amusing.'

'I can absolutely guaranty that not one of our users will have the first clue as to what that previous paragraph means because most of them would have lost interest after the first 2 words, and the rest would be too exhausted to read anyway after wanking furiously all night over holiday photographs of their female friends wearing fuck all on some beach in Aiya Napa '

User: chad463

User: fukfaze
dis iz GAY

User: ramjam7
U iz a shit fucker - fuck U

User: LordArselove
I rather believe this Schlong chap has a point

User: Cunter75
LordArseLove I fuk you mum up shitur

User: LordArselove
Cunter75 one can only assume then that your penis could do with a jolly good scrubbing then

User: Cunter75
LordArselove u iz gayer than fuk you gay fuk

User: Dave345
For your chance to win an Iphone, a PS3 and a SONY 3D TV go to www.winstuffnow.web and register your name, address and bank account details.

User: RudiSchlong
Wow I never knew you could leave comments on here. Cheers for the feedback guys

User: MarkLowton

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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