Nurses and Teachers to bail out bankers.
Public sector workers are furious with new terms and conditions of employment which will see them leading the changes needed to cut the public defecit,and bail out fat cat bankers. Teachers and nurses have been advised that they are no longer able...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner As Teen Wolverine? Jakeman Says 'Yes!'
Although Taylor Lautner has been a great werewolf, will he sign on to play "X-Men: First Class" which shows the X-Men in their teen years? "I think he would if asked", stated Hugh Jackman, who plays the adult version. "If they can make him into a...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - Supermarket Goes Partially Organic
Mayor Vernon Adcock, resplendent in lime green velvet suit, frilly pink shirt and gold platform shoes, this morning attended the ribbon cutting ceremony at the Trashco Supermarket on Asda Road in Ryde. The town's first outed gay mayor cut the ribb...
Read full storyJulia Roberts Gains 50 Pounds
"Pretty (Hefty) Woman" Julia Roberts has put on some 50 pounds while doing her latest film, "Eat, Pray, Love!" "The role calls for me to go on a year-long food binge and I can never spit anything out because it makes me sick", stated the big old g...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says That She Has Way Too Many Friends And Will Dump Some This Week
LOMPOC, California - Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray Cyrus were in Lompoc visiting a Velcro factory that they may be interested in purchasing. Miley was asked how she was feeling. She replied that she was kind of tired from reading about all...
Read full storyCameron flies SqueeziJet to see Obama
London - (BP Mess): You can blame the austerity-driven mothballing of the Queen's Fright - er...Flight! - for the humiliation. On Monday UK Prime Monster David Cameron takes the redeye to Washington on British budget carrier SqueeziJet. That me...
Read full storyGod - a scientist way ahead of his time
Scientists testing theories of the bible have suggested that god was a scientist way ahead of his time. "With the advances in DNA and cloning techniques, we are very close to making a human female from the rib of a man" a leading scientist comment...
Read full storySubo fanatifcs put in an offer to buy Paul the psychic octopus
Some Subo fanatics are keen to put an offer in to buy Paul the psychic octopus. It is well known that a number of them have very wealthy husbands and since the demise of the SuBoat they bought (see related story by Harold F. Quey), they feel they...
Read full storySelena Gomez Says She Wants To Star In A Vampire Movie
TARZANA, California - Selena Gomez was visiting a cousin in Tarzana, Flo "Frisky" Fernandez, when she was asked about her latest hit single. She said the song is currently ranked #2 with a bullet. The title of the song is "Ya Know Just Cause I Hav...
Read full storyBudget Holiday company collapse leaves 16,000 Chavs stranded
Fackin ell. Me fackin old mam went on er oliday to fackin Greece an now she's fackin stuck there coz she can't get a fackin flight back ome. She booked this fackin oliday on the internet with this company called fackin Goldentrail or somefink. Co...
Read full storyMoat - doorman career continues
Ghostly sources have revealed that the new St Peter of the dark side is none other than the former Newcastle night club bouncer and police fugitive Raoul Moat. "Lucifer is delighted to have such an experienced doorman manning the gates of hell", r...
Read full storyCalifornia Rules Schizophrenics Can Drive In Car Pool Lanes
A California court has ruled that schizophrenics are to be allowed to travel in car pool lanes. The decision is based on the idea that when a person with schizophrenia is in a vehicle, there is more than one person. To deny this would be to not rec...
Read full storyBrenda Song and Boo Boo Stewart Are Secretly Dating
HOLLYWOOD - Brenda Song's pedicurist, Babette "Bitzy" McHelmut, has stated that Brenda confided in her that for the past week she has been dating one of the stars of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Boo Boo Stewart. McHelmut said that Brenda told her t...
Read full storyJames Randi Opens Chain of Psychic Salons across America
Using the reasoning, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," James Randi world-renowned psychic debunker and all-round skeptic who has offered huge sums of cash to anyone who can prove their psychic abilities or any paranormal activity they profess to hav...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse, Lady Gaga, and Andy Dick To Star in "The Attack of The Chupacabra - Hey What The Hell Is That Smell?"
FREDERICKSBURG, Texas - Noted film director Fanton Brasshorn was sitting in the courtyard of The King of Prussia Hotel sipping on a Seven and Seven when he was asked about his latest movie. Brasshorn, who last year directed The Silver Screen Film...
Read full storyTommy Cooper's England 1 V 1 USA. - Full Match Analytical Report
Royal Bafokeng Stadium, Rustenberg Saturday 12th June 2010: With their heads in the clouds and Fabio Capello reeling off Tommy Cooper jokes about how England could win the World Cup and then putting Robert Green in goal, Englands hopes were very hig...
Read full storyThe CW/upn/wb Network to use Law & Order-esque Crime-Drama To Compete with Real Networks.
The entertainment train wreck known as The CW will attempt to end its stranglehold on sh-tty sitcoms and 84th place in the ratings by revisiting the "photocopied from the headlines" format of the longest-run mediocre crime drama in history --Law & Order-- to knock off fellow discount-network Fox's decade long dominance of the Nielsen ratings. This is an ambitious move for The CW, the cobb...
Read full storyGoogle clarifies Pakistan actually Number 1 in on-line search for "bum, bums, Uranus".
PORNISTAN: It is now official. Google has clarified: Pakistan is actually Number 1 in online searches for "bum" and "bums" Google, on Saturday was back-tracking from its earlier claim that Pakistan is the world's leader in online searches for p...
Read full storySubo-Frankenstein; or, The Future is Sewer Fat Filled Celebrity Shaped
Thames Water, the London-based Filth Farming Firm, has reported record fat harvests this season. The company's Fat Force - their fat-harvesting workers otherwise known as the Lard Legion - have been working overtime in the sewers beneath Leicester...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato To Record The Britney Spears Hit Song "My Skin Is Just Itching To Be Touched"
LOS ANGELES - Three of the most popular teenage singers in American have signed to record the song that Britney Spears took all the way to number one back in March, "My Skin Is Just Itching To Be Touched." Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovat...
Read full storyTrapeze artist Pink falls out of her basket whilst attempting to sing!
Pink was once punk, but now she's determined to master the art of swinging on the high trapeze and this skill can have it's "down points"! Yesterday in Germany she was swinging to and fro, forgot her words whilst attempting to sing, took a swing f...
Read full storyThe Word on The Street is That Prison-Bound Lindsay Lohan May Be With Child
WEST HOLLYWOOD - As if poor little mistreated and misunderstood Lindsay Lohan does not have enough carbohydrates on her plate already, now comes word that the infamous "LiLo" may be carrying a child. One of L.A.'s most popular hair stylists FuFi F...
Read full storyMandelson For Pope
Arch spin doctor Peter Mandelson, famous for pulling the strings and managing the Macchiavellian machinations of the recently-defeated New Labour government under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, has stirred up a few political hornets and set the chatter...
Read full storyMel Gibson's Ex-Girlfriend Had Two Broken Teeth
Photographs have now appeared in tabloids showing Mel Gibson's ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva with two broken teeth. Mel apparently told reporters that Oksana had had them fixed that way herself, to show that their daughter needs to be in her c...
Read full storyThe Victoria Beckham - Charlotte Church Feud Has Hit A New Low
LONDON - Ex-Spice Girl Victoria Beckham and the songstress from Wales Charlotte Church seem to be continuing with their feud which started back in May. Beckham, aka "Posh Spice" stated that Church had gotten so heavy that on a recent trip to Scotl...
Read full storyKatie Price "exhausted."
Kate Price is reported to be exhausted after miming yesterday. Close friends and family are concerned for the model as she is reported to have come down with an illness after miming her way through her performance of her new single "Free To Love Agai...
Read full storyCalls of "Free Paul" Ring Out Over the World as Madrid Zoo Tries to Buy Psychic Octopus
By now, everyone who followed the World Cup has heard about how a psychic octopus in Germany had 100% accuracy in picking the winners of the World Cup matches and ultimately the World Cup itself. His fate is in the hands of the people who own him.
Read full storyTwilight's Ashley Greene Loses Catfight?
Twilight Actress Ashley Greene apparently isn't hiding some bruises and a colored eye that she sported yesterday. "No, it's not from a fight, I was involved in a minor automobile crash", she reportedly told the International Gossip News. Howe...
Read full storyRipper To Spend Rest Of His Life Behind Bars
Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Suffercliff, has been delivered the devastating news that he will spend the rest of his life behind bars. The victim's families were gathered at the Old Bailey to hear the verdict, many punching the air in celebration, aft...
Read full storyObama to run for British PM
Having side stepped the 'birth certificate' legitimacy question in the good old U S of A, Brit bashing President Obama will now run as British PM for the 'Land of the Free' party against David Cameron et al in 2015. Policies include rewriting of h...
Read full storyDowns Syndrome Children are Aliens!
At long last it's been settled. The same creepy face and stare, their own language....yes, Down's Syndrome people ARE Aliens who've tried (unsuccessfully) to adapt human hosts to their ambition for world domination. Never mind the Lizards of V or the Big Glowy eyed robot Gort - this is REAL boys and girls and world governments not only know about it, but have long negotiated their 'integration...
Read full storyFabio Capello Reveals The Real Reason England Played Shitly In The World Cup
England coach Fabio Capello emerged from his meeting with FA bosses at Lancaster Gate yesterday knowing that his job was safe - for the moment, at least - but surprised many with his astonishing assertion that the team had underperformed because of t...
Read full storyFox Plans New Reality Show: Palins - A Modern Revolutionary War
The Fox Network finally has the angle it's been looking for to offer the Palin family a chance to have their own reality show on their channel-the feud between Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston. "We were trying to figure out how we were going to d...
Read full storyTexaco Or BP - There Is No Difference - What About Buncefield?
Some commentators have expressed alarm at the US reaction to the tragic Gulf oil spill, yet are shaking their heads and wondering where the American reaction to the Buncefield explosion in the UK is hiding. The USA has been quick to universally co...
Read full storyRowan Atkinson's "Gone Hollywood" Claims Neighbours
Rowan Atkinson, the famous English actor known for his Mr. Bean and Black Adder characters, is facing stiff complaints from his neighbours in Ipsden, Oxforshire, England for wanting to bulldoze a perfectly perfect 1930's cottage and build in its plac...
Read full storyTeaching Robots Fired for Bad Behavior
When the New Trends School in California announced at the beginning of summer that all their human teachers were being replaced by teaching robots, there was weeping and the gnashing of teeth. That was from the teachers. On the other hand, students...
Read full storyLetters to the Editor - Alien Hunters Anonymous (AHA)
Where creatures such as the chupacabra, bigfoot, and aliens are more than just sightings. Dear Fellow Bigfoot Hunters, I wish to comment on a story that I read recently that bigfoot sightings are on the rise in Michigan. Can anyone tell me what part of Michigan they are on the rise in? The story claims that the bigfoot creature was dining out of a dumpster. My first thought that it was dirty...
Read full storyEmma Watson Complains About Sexual Headline Innuendo
Sources informed Skoob News last night that Emma Watson would really like to get to the bottom (ooh errr!) of a number of scurrilously misleading headlines about her. It appears that Ms Watson - Hermione out of the Harry Potter films - has express...
Read full story50-Cent Solution to Fix Apple iPhone 4 Antenna Problem
Those of you who are thinking, "Wow, just one day after we find out rapper 50 Cent is marketing a sure-fire solution for getting rid of ants, he's now going to be a hero in the iPhone 4 debaucle. Can it get any better than this in the entertainment A...
Read full storyCheryl Tweedy (Cole) To Recuperate From Malaria With Tanzania Convalescence
Insiders have just revealed that Cheryl Cole (Tweedy) is all set to jet off to Tanzania once she has sufficiently recovered from malaria, for a short convalescence period. Simon Cowell is reported to be furious that Chezza has derelicted (sic) her...
Read full storyOil company manages to clog leaky pipe in only 87 days
At 3:25 p.m. Eastern time Thursday, approximately 2 million gallons of crude oil per day stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. A robotic submersible owned by Blackwater Petrol slowly choked off the company's problematic well until the infamous...
Read full storyWhen Jeremy Paxman Met Gary Neville
Following popular demand from fellow writers on The Spoof; myself and the Newsnight crew grabbed the opportunity to interview Gary Neville in his bedroom at his mum's house. The interview was recorded earlier as Gary's mum makes him go to bed at 8pm right after his tea and our Newsnight show does not broadcast until 10.30pm. The written transcript of the show is as follows: Jeremy Paxman:...
Read full storyMeg Whitman shoves Jerry Brown off the Bay Bridge
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Meg Whitman, the Republican candidate for governor of California, pushed her Democratic rival Jerry Brown off of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge this afternoon, according to authorities. "Politics can be a rough-...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough planning on holidaying on The Isle of Wight
Takwana Smith and her 'bezzy friend', Anitakapita Jones, both of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, North East England, are planning to visit The Isle of Wight for their summer holidays. When asked by Spoof Writer, Lady G.who befriended the 'interesting pair' a few months ago....WHY they were planning to holiday on the Isle of Wight, Takwana replied, "Well, y'know 'ow much our lads were pissed off...
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