FREDERICKSBURG, Texas - Noted film director Fanton Brasshorn was sitting in the courtyard of The King of Prussia Hotel sipping on a Seven and Seven when he was asked about his latest movie.
Brasshorn, who last year directed The Silver Screen Film The Attack of The Chupacabra, said that he really enjoyed working on the sequel The Attack of The Chupacabra - Hey What The Hell Is That Smell?
He noted that he really liked hanging out with the film's star Amy Winehouse. Fanton laughed and said that Winehouse knows more x-rated jokes about Queen Elizabeth than anyone he has ever known.
He also pointed out that one night as the both of them were up in her hotel room playing Pictionary, drinking Sangria Wine, and touching all of Amy's tattoos he realized that on a scale of 1 to 10 her teeth are about a 1.2.
Brasshorn said that he offered to get Amy's teeth fixed for free but that the English singer said that although she appreciated the very kind gesture she had just kind of gotten used to having lousy as hell teeth.
He then offered to have her big honker of a nose fixed for free as well. Amy got a puzzled look on her face and asked, "Mr. Brasshorn, you means ta tell me dat me nose is big does ya?"
After apologizing profusely to Winehouse, she told him that she was just kidding and merely pulling his leg. By now the both of them were pretty well into their cups and Brasshorn told her that she really wasn't too bad of a looking lass for a woman who ain't too good of a looking lass.
Winehouse rolled her eyes and told him that he had just given her one of the nicest compliments that she had ever received.
She then said that it was even nicer than when Russell Brand had told her, two years ago, that her nipples were the nippiest he had ever seen.
Amy was so thrilled with what Brasshorn had said that she asked him that she would grant him whatever wish he wanted.
Brasshorn thought for a moment.
He then said, "Amy let me pay to get your teeth fixed?"
"Really. That's your wish?" she asked.
Brasshorn laughed. "No." He said, "Actually my wish is that you come on down, use my you-know-what as a microphone, and sing your little bleepin' heart out you gosh darn handsome woman you."
The other cast members said that the next day, they noticed that Mr. Brasshorn was walking with a slight limp and that he had a smile on his face that he could just not seem to wipe off.
Andy Dick, who stars as Winehouse's illegitimate son Pooter Von Ficky, born out of wedlock to her and a traveling cow brander from Lubbock, said that he thinks that Winehouse is one of the sexiest women he has ever known.
Lady Gaga, who in the film portrays the town whore, Etta Gretchen Von Aloysius, overheard him and started giggling. He asked her what was so funny. She said that if he thinks that Winehouse is sexy then he is either gay, bisexual, or gay.
Andy went up to her and said that at least he has more in the crotch of his pants than she does.
Lady Gaga said that she did not think so. She stood up, took down her blue jean short shorts, and pulled down her Victoria's Secret pink bikini thong panties and showed him.
Dick quickly grabbed his (crotch), put his hand to his mouth, and ran off to find the nearest men's room.
The movie should be out in time for Halloween.
