The Victoria Beckham - Charlotte Church Feud Has Hit A New Low

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 17 July 2010

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Charlotte says that she is trying to lose weight. So now she only eats three Big Macs A day instead of five.

LONDON - Ex-Spice Girl Victoria Beckham and the songstress from Wales Charlotte Church seem to be continuing with their feud which started back in May.

Beckham, aka "Posh Spice" stated that Church had gotten so heavy that on a recent trip to Scotland she heard the Loch Ness Monster had actually flirted with her when she had gone swimming.

Victoria then added that all of the weight that Charlotte had gained had caused her vocal chords to enlarge thus causing her to lose one complete octave in her singing range.

Charlotte said that the skinny little skank had no earthly idea what she was saying since due to the fact that she has gotten so darn skinny her vocal chords have simply disappeared all together.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Truth be told, Beckham's vocal chords have not really disappeared. A reliable source who works in her gynecologist's office said that the two little buggers have merely fallen down into her lover cavity, and as x-rays clearly show, they are presently resting on her ovaries.]

Church says that if Victoria loses any more weight when she turns sideways and sticks out her tongue she will look like a zipper.

She said that ViVi, as her lesbian maid calls her, is probably the only woman on earth who can make Calista Flockhart look downright fat.

Beckham says that Charlotte has really cheapened herself and is actually looking more and more like that California spoiled brat Lindsay Lohan, except for the freckles, facial wrinkles, ugly ass manicure, and wrist cuts.

She then remarked that she knows for a fact that Charlotte smokes. She then laughed and added that Lottie, as her gardener calls her, smokes in order to forget that she looks a little bit like Shamu the Sea-World whale.

SIDENOTE: Russell Brand's fiancee Katy Perry, who is friends with both women, says that she sincerely hopes that the two singers can put an end to their childish bickering because if they don't then she may not ever want to go out shopping, gossiping, or nude sunbathing with either one again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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