Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 17 July 2010

image for Isle Of Wight News - Supermarket Goes Partially Organic
Loads Of Stuff - But Is It Organic?

Mayor Vernon Adcock, resplendent in lime green velvet suit, frilly pink shirt and gold platform shoes, this morning attended the ribbon cutting ceremony at the Trashco Supermarket on Asda Road in Ryde.

The town's first outed gay mayor cut the ribbon in recognition of Trashco's first venture into the world of organic retail solutions.

Local schoolboy, Boris Yablonsky provided the musical accompaniment by bashing cluelessly away at a glockenspiel for two solid minutes. In a distinctly non-musical manner. But he looked deadly serious, almost manic, with a glint in his eye as he bashed away at the keys.

Further investigations inside the store, revealed that the 'organic product solutions launch' wasn't overly impressive, revealing not much more than a bag of potatoes, a few scabby apples and a handful of chickens, which were actually labelled 'organic.

As usual, store manager Reg Jobsworth was as upbeat as ever.

"It's a start," he said. "You have to walk before you can run in this business. As far as we know, we're the sole supplier of organic produce on the island, apart from some farmers, some local greengrocers, and some local butchers. You see, what we're hoping to achieve here is to turn people on to green issues. Get them to be environmentally aware, promote responsible retailing. If this takes off, we'll be the toast of the island. In fact, we've already submitted plans to the council to quadruple the size of the car park. It might wipe out a few rare frogs and newts, but it's for the greater good."

Store Detective, Vic Vaporub, appeared to be slightly less optimistic.

"Them spuds is all full of mud," he said. "The apples are all scabby, and the chickens is all yellow, like they got jaundice or summink. It's all a load of balls if you ask me. It's not proper grub, that."

Mayor Vernon Adcock departed shortly afterwards, in his pink Cadillac as he was due to host a civic reception for Boy George and Jimmy Summerville at the Town Hall.

Boris Yablonsky told us, in all seriousness, that someday he hopes to conduct the LSO in the Albert Hall. We had to stifle a little chuckle at that one.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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