Written by Herr Riballs

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Suffercliff, has been delivered the devastating news that he will spend the rest of his life behind bars.
 
The victim's families were gathered at the Old Bailey to hear the verdict, many punching the air in celebration, after hearing that the monster will never be released.
 
Tearful Xavier Garrotte, 42, said "This is a real victory for common sense. Not just for my mum but for all the victims and their families. It sends the message out that animals like him will never win. It's a great day."
 
Campaigner Carol Chainsaw agreed. "I hope he rots in jail. It's where he belongs" she seethed. 
 
However, it has emerged that the Press and victims families alike may have misunderstood the wording of the Judge's ruling.
 
Lord Justice Hammerblow, 86, explained "Pete has successfully completed a degree in Hospitality Management and has secured a position at J D Wetherspoon. He starts his role at The Dented Skull in Chapeltown, Leeds on Monday. That's what I meant when I said he'd be spending life behind bars. Pulling pints and serving pub food. People are just too quick to jump to conclusions these days" he moaned.
 

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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