Born to Spoof The Sequel: Chapter 12 The Beautiful The Gullible and The Hideous

Funny story written by Jean Le Fete

Friday, 10 December 2010


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Ants and Honey ?

The Beautiful

It felt to good to be true, though he could not see through the blindfold. A thousand fingers touching every inch of Mark's nude body.Then he was lifted through the air as if he were a feather. He felt something like silk slide over his feet up to near his loins. Then over his arms and head a garment settled around his mid-riff.

He felt it laced tightly, squeezing his abdomen and waist. Then something cold smooth and rubbery was stuffed in the top near his chest. Then finally a long flowing smooth fabric cover his entire body before the hands placed him on his feet in what felt like...high heels. Then the most confusing part of all, what felt like a hood came over his head and neck, leaving only an opening for his face.....

A voice from before whispered in his ear, "You're one of us now my dear sister," as a choir of hundreds of voices sang hallelujah repeatedly....


The Gullible

Jean Le Fete closed his cell phone. He looked directly at Masterchev, "You won't believe who just called."

"Why don't you f'ing try me?!" said Masterchev still peeved at his lack of attention in the previous two chapters. Charpa and Morse laughed inspite of themselves.

"Oh and by the way Mr F'ing narration guy, it's been three chapters since I was F'ing knocked unconscious, thank you very much you bastards all!"

"Are you done now?" asked Jean Le Fete patiently.

"F'ing rock on man, what's up?!" asked Masterchev, his smile returning.

"Skoob wants us south of town, says there's something we've got to see.

"But what about the quest?" asked Charpa

"Bugger the quest," replied Jean Le Fete picking up an abandoned broad sword, "We have the mother of the Gerbils from Hell to take care of."

"But the Buddha, he destroyed all of the gerbils," said Morse pointing to the pile of still burning wood and wooly corpses."

"The mother can reproduce those in 24 hours if something isn't done," said #3, "And each generation is tougher and smarter...I should know, I'm their genetic engineer..."

"That's okay luv', we forgive you, now let's go before the clones regroup and come after us," said Jean Le Fete.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" asked #3 pulling out a surprisingly modern looking gun and pointing it at Jean Le Fete.

"Oh yes love/despise rears its ugly head again," replied Jean raising his hands.

"This will work a lot better than a broad sword," said #3 handing the gun to him.

"Oh," he said surprised, but not needing a second offer to take the gun from her hands.

They entered a wooded area, Charpa found Skoob when she stepped on him in a pile of leaves. His head appeared out of the pile with a look pleading to her. She removed her foot from his crotch.

"Thank you," he gasped,"Now get down before the sentry sees you," he whispered, "Must be 3.45, she's a little shorter than 3.5. No offense Carina," he said glancing at #3."

"What's your plan Skoob?" asked Masterchev.

"Well," said Skoob, "I rather hoped #3 might cause a diversion talking to her sister up there, while the rest of us get into the cabin and take care of the queen gerbil and her brood."

"It won't work," said #3, "She'll know who I am, were not nearly as gullible as you humans are....sorry dear," she said to Jean as an aside.

"Oh c'mon, I only fell for your lines about 4 or 5 times," retorted Jean.

"Make that 6 or 7 now," said #3 pointing another gun at them, "That gun isn't loaded my dear Jean. Oh and Skoob, for future reference, I am taller than 3.45, see?"

3.45 arrived at her side as did 3.5 and #4....

"Damn!@!" said Masterchev, Morse and Charpa in unison.


The Hideous

Bound together and hanging by a rope above the feed trough of the Queen Gerbil, Charpa, Skoob, Mastercheve, Morse and Jean Le Fete considered their latest predicament. The Queen Gerbil was not presently a problem as it was too busy savaging its young hairless brood.

"Afraid she won't be terribly hungry for a few hours," said #3,"Hope you can hang around a bit."

The other clones laughed at her joke, each with an equally annoying, but different exaggeration.

"Hey Carina," yelled Skoob, "What say you and your obscene clones fall into the stye with your gerbil friend eh?"

"That was pretty funny Skoob," said Charpa, "An obscene clone fall, get it guys?"

"I'm laughing inside," said Jean, "Where it counts."

Morse and Masterchev mumbled something similar under their breath.

A rather shrill whirling sound started up above their heads.

"You see yonder blade above your heads my dears," said #3, "Each time any of you struggle it will come closer to the rope that holds you safely above Momma G."

"I'm not going to struggle," said Masterchev, "Are any of you?"

"Not a bit," said Skoob, "Nope nobody struggling here Carina DEAREST!"

"Ah ha ha ha," laughed #3, "So funny Mr Skoob, but perhaps if you didn't have honey on you and perhaps if little red ants weren't about to crawl on you, you'd be able to say that."

Just then something thick and sticky poured onto the Spoofers from above. Masterchev peered up as best he could to see little insects working their way down the rope.....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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