London, UK - General Clifton Shaw of the international headquarters of the Salvation Army shocked the World News when he announced this morning that he has just positioned two former Generals of Al Queda to regional posts here in the U.S.

Mahmeed El Doof, and Alaqi Bin Hamid, both former leaders in Al Queda, have been placed as Regional Director and Regional Asst. Director of the Salvation Army of District of Columbia.

"They've made a complete turnaround in their outlook, compassion, religious and political views", said General Shaw. "We needed someone in this District with a pair of balls, and these two gentlemen will fill that slot".

When asked by our reporter of what their initial duties might include, Shaw stated,
"Well, that's all still up in the air. Since their installment this morning, they've already completely re-worked out computer, phone, and media networks within the organization. God knows how bad we needed the makeover".

Shaw did make another point: "I know that with these two guys ringing the bells and standing at our charity points, our donations can't go anywhere but up".

Both El Doof and Bin Hamid were approached while attending a show at Sexxxy Sadie's in Baltimore but declined to be interviewed by our reporter.