Jaycee Lee Dugard Held at Area 51
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA In a press conference at the FBI's Los Angeles office, Tina Dugard, the maternal aunt of Jaycee Lee Dugard, the California woman who mysteriously disappeared eighteen years ago, revealed that Jaycee has been sequestered along wi...
Read full storyControversial Obama School Speech to Introduce New Presidential Youth Program
President Barack Obama's scheduled speech to the nation's school children, scheduled for September 8th, will introduce his new national youth program. The group, called The Obama Youth For Change, will be open to all school age children and will inv...
Read full storyZombie Sightings Reported at Michael Jackson's Nighttime Funeral
Glendale, California - They're back. Well at least for a few minutes anyway before they were all dispatched back to the netherworld from which they originated. I am, of course, talking about "The International 'Thriller' Tributary Dance Troop" that m...
Read full storyMusharraf to sing "I will survive" on Britain's Got Talent. Says "I'll be bigger star than Shaheen Jaffargholi".
LONDON -UK: Holed up in his pricey London flat a bored Musharraf said he would be a contestant on BTG. Twiddling his thumbs as he practiced his tabla routine the pudgy Generalissimo smirked, "Dafinately I will be 150% better than that Iranian chap S...
Read full storyAmerican Kids Blast Right Back at Conservatives
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A firestorm erupted this week as schoolchildren blasted conservative efforts to portray President Obama's "pep talk to America's students" as a way to spread his radical ideology. The address planned for Tuesday, said Obama, is...
Read full storyThe Punch & Break Heard Around Boise
BOISE, Idaho -- An ugly performance by Oregon in a 19-8 loss at Boise State on Thursday night turned uglier immediately after the game when Duck senior running back LeGarrette Blount broke his hand after punching Bronco linebacker Byron Hout. Blo...
Read full storyToads Prefer Pepsi
Florida - Pepsi has announced that in a blind taste test eight out of ten toads prefer Pepsi to Coca Cola. The taste test took place in Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge this summer during evenings over a two week period. Cola cans of Pepsi a...
Read full storyThe 2009 Little League World Series Follow Up Review
WILLIAMSPORT, Pennsylvania - The Little League team from Chula Vista, California captured the 2009 Little League Championship by defeating Chinese Taipei 6 to 3. This year's event featured several interesting incidents which were clearly captured...
Read full storyChicken Little Pissed At Glenn Beck
Louisville, KY - Freaking people out used to be her domain. "The irrational, angry mob always came to me," said Chicken Little. "Now they've got internet and that G**damn Glenn Beck. No one can hear my clucking over his temper tantrums." Little...
Read full storyFried Butter Added to Food Pyramid: Starlets Rejoice
In a story likely to reach into the very hearts of America and beyond, the Federal Nutrition Council today added fried butter to the food pyramid. Following its introduction at the prestigious foodie event, The Texas State Fair, experts declared the...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Buried 50 Years Too Late
Los Angeles, CA - According to noted snooty theatre critic and Hollywood gossip columnist, Smedley Laflame Esq., Michael Jackson, A.K.A. The King of Pop, was buried 50 years too late. Said Mr. Laflame, "Imagine if you will a world unencumbered by...
Read full storyWorld awaits with baited breath, for Robbie Williams to exit the closet with his latest single!
Is he or is he not? This question may be answered when ex-boy band member, Robbie "Rear sex with a bottle" Williams releases his latest single! The world's pop press and Robbies trillions of very deaf fans can't wait to see if Robbie is going to d...
Read full storyThe totally, utterly maniac Spoof team exposed on St.Jagged's alias Jaggedone's blogsite!
Warning! This piece of shit was written under a bridge in Amsterdam, whilst fucking stoned, it's not fit for human consumption but better than Nitschke! (being totally subjective, Adolf!) Avid and true Jaggedone's, St.Jagged has been travelling the cyber universe and has now returned from his billion mile travelling stints to reveal the TRUTH about where St.Jagged (disguised as Jaggedone!) has...
Read full storyNorth Pole Melting Blamed On Santa Discovering Viagra
Al Gore was rocked on his heels..taken aback..well, he blinked twice, by the news that the cause of global warming that is melting ice shelves are not the result of factory pollution after all but to Santa Claus and his male elves discovering Viagra...
Read full storyObama to Address Schoolchildren: Right-Wingers Aghast
A searing report from mid-America shows local mothers, wringing their hands and sobbing quietly as the possibility that the purity of their children will be irreparably damaged by being forced to listen to an address by the President. Fearing the...
Read full storyObama To Tackle Joblessness - Death Panels to Be Hired
Reports were released today that the Obama administration, working in cooperation with Congressional Republicans, will introduce legislation to put stimulus money to work and get the economy moving again. Citing the need for well staffed death panels...
Read full storyJordan: Pete Has Mystery Woman
An apparently unhinged Jordan slammed, blasted, rapped and hit out at estranged hubby Peter Andre yesterday, during an emotional performance on breakfast television. The 31-year old glamour girl and professional attention-seeker -real name Katie...
Read full storySupermarket Launches New Products For Their "Value" Line
Consumers across the UK have today joyfully greeted a supermarket's decision to launch a new range of "Value" products. In these difficult financial times, pressure had been placed up the managing director to incorporate a new range of "Value" pro...
Read full story"Strictly" To Fill The Void In Bid To Raise Ratings
Television executives have today announced how they plan to fill the 200 hours of airtime left vacant when the next series of the 'reality' show 'Big Brother', the last, ends next Autumn. "It was hard; very hard, in fact. In the end it was a toss...
Read full storyArt Garfunkel Accused Of Faking Death After CD Release
Apparently taking notice of all the Michael Jackson records flying off the shelf, singer Art Garfunkel admitted to faking his own death to get people to purchase his CD, "The World Mourns For Garfunkel". Art, who says his lawyer has advised him to...
Read full storyRatzinger matrix shielded Philip 'The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch' Garrido
Antioch, Ca - (Reuterus): Police are probing reports that a Vatican satanic network which bankrolled Ronnie Raygun's Calfornia gubernatorial campaign also shielded monster Philip Garrido. "Jaycee Dugard's abductor is shaping up to be Pope Joe Rat...
Read full storyDog days in the White House: Bo's journal - Entry 4
Boy, did I sleep good last night after my day out with Max and meeting Misty.I somehow knew we would become life long friends, and soul mates, I just didn't know yet how that was going to happen due to my current situation of being held hostage by a family who really didn't understand what 'having a pet really means. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse around 'the house', and old Barry...
Read full storyCash for farmers?
Eldon, IO - A bizarre report from the police in this small farming town reveals the extent of the economic devastation in America today. A farmer, one Ron Cockhand, was caught with a chicken that he was torturing. He was force feeding liquid sand...
Read full storyGlobal Warming - You'll never win!
The poor British summer has been blamed on global warming. Presses, however, were ready for this and had two stories to run with: "Poor British Summer Caused by Global Warming" and "Great British Summer Caused by Global Warming." So you'd better just roll over and pay your carbon taxes and accept all the Nazi / Soviet style police state controls over every aspect of your life and let the enviro...
Read full storyThe Arctic: Arena for the Final Battle
Frank Miller put's himself in the thick of the escalating conflict; the battle for the Arctic's soul. UN and Global Policy At the end of their 3 day stop in the Arctic, (see the Spoof News article "UN arrives at Arctic on day 12 of sellout world tour") global rock stars UN and their charismatic lead singer Ban Ki-Moon have proved again that world class celebrities can change government policy.
Read full storyBudget Airline To Make Drastic Cuts
Budget airline EasyJetters have announced that they are being forced into taking what they describe as the "right commercial decisions" in the light of the 25% increase in landing charges at Luton Airport over the past three years. In what are lik...
Read full storyLos Angeles Wildfire Started by Firefly
Los Angeles, CA - As hellfire engulfed much of Hollywood and destroyed over 10 billion dollars' worth of movie lots and Asian massage parlors, officials investigating the cause of the blaze have determined the cause: a firefly. Living up to its n...
Read full storyNew iPhone to Feature Bottle Opener
Silicon Valley, CA - In front of a crowd of thousands, Steve Jobs presented the latest iteration of the best-selling iPhone, showing off its newest features including a built-in bottle opener. He demonstrated the new model by opening a bottle of Cor...
Read full storyObama to Speak to Nation's Prisoners
Washington, DC - President Obama is scheduled to give a speech this week to prisoners incarcerated across the US. The speech will be broadcast live to every medium- and high-security facility in the continental United States. The topics of the sp...
Read full storySwine Flu to Infect 9 Billion
Washington, DC - Epidemiologists working for the CDC have predicted that over 9 billion people will be infected this year alone by the H1N1 virus. Using computer models and sophisticated prediction methods, researchers have concluded that the number...
Read full storyCost of Tea Set to Rise
Tea is set to become more expensive, causing panic throughout the land. Shortage of rainfall in the tea-producing nations has led to a knock on effect in our stores. Gordon Brown has already created a special committee, known as Two Sugars, which wil...
Read full storyChelsea Accused: "You're Just A Bunch of Thieves!"
Chelsea have vowed to fight to restore their increasingly battered reputation, after further allegations were made yesterday that they are "just a bunch of thieves." In a remarkable outburst, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Fungus slammed the W...
Read full storyTed Kennedy's Diary
Well, Diary, it's been a strange sort of last few days for me. First of all I'm still in the news for no reason, which isn't strange at all, seeing as Americans have never produced anyone newsworthy in over 200 years, so they need people like me and, er, that Kenyan guy to go on and on about. Makes them feel important, I guess. No, Diary, what's strange is that last Tuesday I died! Yes, I had j...
Read full storyMan Bitten; Leftwing Plot Exposed
Much like the Teaparty Express, the leftwing cannibals are showing up to fight for their cause. However, it would appear that they intend to get a great deal more physical than their rightwing counterparts. Their slogan: Bring about peace, eat a p...
Read full storyBall Point Pen Attacks Communist Leader
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong'il presented a letter he had written to the United Nations today announcing that "reprocessing of spent fuel rods is at its final phase and extracted plutonium is being weaponized." Addressing the state-run press,...
Read full storyArnold says no more IOU's
San Diego, CA - Arnold Swarznecro told the press today that California would not be issuing any more IOUs. All IOUs will now be paid in IOUIOUs. These special IOUIOU's are redemable in IOUIOUIOU's. In turn, the IOUIOUIOU's are redemable in IOUIOU...
Read full storyRob Pattinson's Arse Revealed on Martian Surface!
HOUSTON, TX - Scientists confirmed an arse first photographed in the Cydonia region of Mars is actually a likeness of the backside of a celebrity nowhere near the end of his career - Robert Pattinson! Controversy has surrounded the so-called "Arse...
Read full storyCash for singles program starts Monday
Washington, DC - President Odama announced today that a new economic stimulus program is to begin Monday. In his prepared statement to the press he stated, "People? Are you tired of carrying dollar bills around only to run out of money? Are you ti...
Read full storyJackson buried next to Jane Fonda and Nancy Reagan
Los Angeles - (Sleepy-ByeByes): A Charonesque Pisces full moon rose above Glendale's Forest Money Laundering Memorial Park on Thursday evening as the Jackson funeral cortege slid into view. The singer was being laid to rest in the gay end of the c...
Read full storySan Francisco Incident Reported to Police
San Francisco CA: SFPD received a strange 911 call emanating from a Gay Bathhouse in the downtown area of the city. Police Central immediately dispatched a patrol car to the scene. On arrival the officers found a chaotic crowd inside the bathhouse...
Read full storyCurt Shilling Interested in Kennedy's Seat
Boston - Retired pitcher Curt Shilling has many heads shaking in Beantown today since announcing he is interested in the seat of recently deceased senator Ted Kennedy. Why the retired athlete wants a less than noble part of Kennedy's anatomy is pu...
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