Washington, DC - President Obama is scheduled to give a speech this week to prisoners incarcerated across the US. The speech will be broadcast live to every medium- and high-security facility in the continental United States.
The topics of the speech will be healthcare reform and the economy. An excerpt from the planned speech is reproduced below:
"We want every American to enjoy the quality healthcare you are currently receiving in our first-class correctional institutions. When/if you are ever released, it's your duty to convince your fellow Americans, by force if necessary, of the benefits of mandatory health care.
"And when you are released, many of you may find yourselves stealing cars. Please remember that it is your patriotic duty to steal foreign cars, which will in turn drive auto sales, preferably sales of American-made cars."