Apparently taking notice of all the Michael Jackson records flying off the shelf, singer Art Garfunkel admitted to faking his own death to get people to purchase his CD, "The World Mourns For Garfunkel".
Art, who says his lawyer has advised him to accept the court plea where he will pick up trash in Central Park (actual trash, like garbage and stuff) for six months and pay a $10,000 fine, says that he had become desperate for people to hear his new stuff.
"Do you know what it's like to spend your whole adult life as "Garfunkel", asked the singer, according to one reporter.
"It's like Tonto or Robin or Richie's older brother on Happy Days! Where did he go after the first season? He was barely there the first season."
Garfunkel then, according to the reporters, pointed out a slang dictionary which had "Garfunkel: An insignificant other".
"Who actually SANG 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' I ask you? That wasn't Mr. Paul 'I'm going to Graceland, Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee, I'm, going to Graceland' Simon."
"Nor his brothers, Theodore and Alvin!"
"Rhymin Simon gets to play a turkey on Saturday Night Live. Paul Simon gets to go to Africa and Brazil and sing with their best singers to make two million-selling albums!"
Garfunkel then concluded, as he picked up still another used condom and placed it in his bag, "It took the best ********singers in two countries to replace ME, Art 'Freakin' Garfunkel! Now leave me alone. I performed here one great night. Now I'm picking up used condoms."
