The 2009 Little League World Series Follow Up Review

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 4 September 2009

image for The 2009 Little League World Series Follow Up Review
Bob Uecker Stadium in Willamsport, Pennsylvania, scene of The 2009 Little League World Series.

WILLIAMSPORT, Pennsylvania - The Little League team from Chula Vista, California captured the 2009 Little League Championship by defeating Chinese Taipei 6 to 3.

This year's event featured several interesting incidents which were clearly captured by the more than 37 ABC and ESPN cameras.

These episodic events, procedural predicaments, situational scenes, and opportunistic occurrences are merely highlighted in order to show that no one is perfect, not even 12 and 13 year old boys (and girls).

All of the instantaneous instances spotlighted below are done with the understanding, desire, and hope that they will cause each and every young individual to focus not so much on playing the part of a little league baseball player but instead focus on playing the part of little league person.

And as a little league person the individual must strive to live up to the words sewn on the patch on his uniform's shoulder sleeve which reads: I will not cheat - Unless of course the other team cheats first, and then all bets are off.

1. The team from San Antonio, Texas set the all-time little league record for having the tallest player to ever participate in the Little League World Series. Twelve-year-old first baseman Carter Piepicker stands 6 foot 11 inches tall and weighs 92 pounds. Carter told ABC-ESPN reporter Moises Arias that he has a little four-year-old sister, Connie Sue, who already stands 6 foot 1 inch.

2. The Venezuelan team defeated the team from Saudi Arabia in a 1 to 0 pitchers dues. The winning pitcher Joselito Catalina was disqualified when at the end of the game as the team players were exchanging handshakes on the field, Joselito's cap fell off his head and a pack of Marlboro Lights fell to the ground.

3. Japanese batter Hirokiki Takanunu was ejected in the first inning of Japan's game with Canada when he was hit by a pitch from Canada's Pierre DuFufu. Takanunu started cussing non-stop at DuFufu in Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Cockney, and Bolivian. DuFufu, his coach, the third base umpire, and game co-announcer Orel Hershiser have filed protests and are in the process of filing a class-action lawsuit.

4. Kentucky catcher Moses Applebaum was interviewed by ABC's Brent Musburger because of his amazing two foot long beard. Musburger pulled Applebaum's beard to see if it was real and when he did Applebaum hit him with his catcher's mask knocking Musburger down to the ground. Applebaum was led away in handcuffs and sadly ended up missing the first two games of the World Series competition before the team could raise the bail.

5. Cissy Offermandelli, 12, a shortstop for Peabody, Massaschusetts was the very first girl to ever hit a homerun at Williamsport. She, however, was disqualified when it was noticed that as she was rounding third base a bottle of Midol Super Strength Tablets fell out of her pants pocket.

6. The team from Germany was disqualified and banned from competition when the German coach Fritz Von Schellenberg disobeyed the little league's established 10-run mercy rule and soundly defeated the team from Curacao 83 to 1.

7. After a hard fought extra-innings game Staten Island, New York defeated Warner Robins, Georgia 13 to 12. As the New York team was walking off the field the Georgia left fielder Luigi "B.A." Tallamantini threw four peaches at the New York players hitting the second baseman, the catcher, and the team coach. The Georgia team was fined $12,000, put on probation for two years, and lost their little league compound swimming pool privileges.

8. A little league security guard found a loaded handgun underneath the pillow of one of the players from Mexico. He confronted the individual Paquito Cabezudo, who at first denied that it was his gun. But Cabezudo later admitted that it was in fact his gun. He said that the only reason that he had the gun was to use as protection against pill bugs, which he heard from his grandmother can bite you and cause your elbows to fall off within two hours.

9. Thirteen-year old third baseman Franklin Cornflower with Russellville, Kentucky announced after his team beat Urbandale, Iowa 7 to 1 that he had to get home right away because his wife had taken ill with the dreaded Kentucky Incline Flu.

10. Mitchy Fittapaldi a catcher for Mercer Island, Washington was reprimanded and his team was penalized a run when the umpire noticed that he was not wearing a protective crotch cub. Fittapaldi told the umpire that he hated wearing a protective crotch cup because it makes it very difficult to have to pee in between innings. The umpire deducted a second run from the Washington team due to Fittapaldi's arrogance, sarcasm, audacity, balls, and habitually argumentative nature.

Overall the 2009 Little League World Series was a huge success. Little League authorities said that they sold a total of 4 million hot dogs, 5 million hamburgers, 38 million bags of popcorn, and 743,971 Ritalin tablets.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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