In a story likely to reach into the very hearts of America and beyond, the Federal Nutrition Council today added fried butter to the food pyramid. Following its introduction at the prestigious foodie event, The Texas State Fair, experts declared the delicious treat fit for human consumption in moderation. Suggesting that no more than a quarter pound of the delicious tidbit be consumed at a sitting, the Council spoke directly to the current crop of semi-starved Hollywood starlets.
"Eat, eat," they said. "Better a roll or two around those poor little middles than bones sticking out everywhere."
In response, chic Los Angeles area food stores report a jump in sales of butter and deep fryers. Starlets across America are dragging themselves onto the bandwagon, declaring their joy at being able to cease eating cotton balls and drinking water to swell it. "This is great," they shouted, grease spilling from their lips and onto their chins at a recent rally. "Why didn't somebody think this up sooner?"
The recipe calls for embedding frozen butter in dough and then deep frying in more butter or lard, according to preference. It is a cardiologist's dream. Anticipating a huge rise in business, heart specialists across the land are laying plans to enlarge their practices immediately, thereby doing their bit to provide employment in these hard times.
Culinary experts suggest a sprinkling of sugar to top off the crispy delight.
