An apparently unhinged Jordan slammed, blasted, rapped and hit out at estranged hubby Peter Andre yesterday, during an emotional performance on breakfast television.
The 31-year old glamour girl and professional attention-seeker -real name Katie 'name your' Price, sensationally claimed during the interview that Andre had 'done the dirty' on her. "Pete is definitely, absolutely and without a doubt having an affair with a 'mystery' woman. In fact, she is so f**king mysterious that I haven't had chance to make her up yet, but when I do, the slag's gonna have ME to deal with, dirty f**king cow!"
When asked about the prospect of a reconciliation with Andre, she said "Pete hates me. He definitely does. He calls me vile names, he calls me everything. But I'm gonna keep me f**king dignity and rise above whatever that limp-dicked, twat faced turd breath, with pig shit for brains, calls me."
Jordan was asked about claims made by Andre that, far from being unfaithful himself, it was HER who had cheated on him. "He says that I slept with an ironmonger from Balham on the night we split up. That is a f**king bare-faced lie. I slept with three other people as well that night, so he's f**king lying about that too!"
Jordan, now dating cage-fighter Alex Reid, went into apopletic meltdown over suggestions that she had slept with Brazilian 'toyboy' Andre Pinto Milk. "That's a f**king lie too," she blasted. "We never slept a f**king wink. He went like a chuffin' train all night."
So far as her relationship with Reid was concerned, she said "Alex is like a f**king animal in bed - a real animal. Well, a tortoise anyway - hard on the outside but not much action. At least I'm gettin' a bit of sleep.
Of course, as a cage fighter, he gets f**king tired easy." When asked about cage fighting, she said "Alex tends to find that those hamster ones that they sell in Pets At Home are the hardest f**kers to take on." (As an animal lover, Jordan was quick to point out that no hamsters are actually in the cages DURING the bouts). "They can get the better of him sometimes, but he usually manages to mangle the f**kers up eventually, even if he has to jump up and down on 'em until his feet bleed. Bless him."
Jordan managed to write another two novels during the ten minute coffee break.
