Eighth severed foot washed up in Canada - It's no mystery
The eighth mystery foot washed up on the coast of Canada this week has been traced to a 24 year old English man through extensive DNA profiling. When interviewed, Mr Peter Mobbs (24, English, funny limp) described the events, "I went out running o...
Read full storyBritish councils restrict Christmas festivities to avoid insulting the intelligence of millions of British people
Most town and city councils across the United Kingdom today made the decision to restrict and in fact not have any Christmas festivities, as that festival insults the intelligence of millions of British people. 'One', said Macclesfield Council chi...
Read full storyPredator Chapel Ranch rocked by WMD expert's ghost
Crawford, Texas - (Trick or Treat): The magnificent waxing Hunter's Moon shines brightly Chez Boche this weekend. But George and Laura's Halloween party has been dealt a body blow. News from London has warned that July 2003 'suicide' WMD expert...
Read full storyLance Armstrong May Have To Return Tour De France Medals
American biker Lance Armstrong may have to return his seven Tour De France medals after an exam indicated that he was in the same field as South African runner, Caster Semenya. "That's crazy", Armstrong told officials after agreeing to an exam for...
Read full storyUK Filth Association Endorses Porn
LONDON -- Officials of the Filth Association (FA) have announced a strategic partnership with the Dirt Association (DA), according to a joint press release. The Filth Association is Britain's largest representative of organic farmers and organic food retailers, famous around the world for the slogan, "The Fittest Food is Found in Filth". The Dirt Association is less well-known, but the grou...
Read full storyPlane crashes in Brazil is found by lost Indians, they thought they were Gods and then the Devil!
Medical workers surviving a plane crash in the Brazilian jungle were found by a lost tribe of Amazon Indians. At first the passengers were grateful that the Indians had found them and they had found the Indians. The Indians danced, offered the...
Read full storyHarmless sweetener can kill you dead, say scientists
Scientists have today revealed that foods containing the sweetener 'fructose' can seriously damage your health. Even minute trace elements of the artificial sweetener can cause horrific reactions. Dr Strabismus whom God preserve of Utrecht, tol...
Read full storyJewelry Repair Shop Offers Free Bridal Mounting
Royal Jewelry Repair Shop has extended their services and now offers free Bridal mounting, in addition to thier free cleaning and low cost repair services. The store, which has been in business for five years, is owned by Ted E. Duke and Roscoe King...
Read full storySwine Flu Linked to Food Chain
A new national study shows a strong connection between the swine flu and individuals who regularly shop at Swine*Mart outlets. The study-among 13,000 swine flu victims in 13 states-found evidence that customers of the giant mini-grocery chain ca...
Read full storyRobbie Williams pulls out of MTV awards show and makes room for Dame Vera Lynn!
Chivalrous gentleman Robbie Williams has decided not to appear at the MTV awards show because of constant speculation about his sex life, REHAB situation and why his single didn't crash the UK charts at Nr1 but humble Robbie has offered the following...
Read full storyMPs thank Griffin for diverting the 'heat'. Well done, that man
A collective sigh of relief swept like a zephyr through the house of commons last week, after BNP MEP Nick Griffin battled his way through a torrid 'Question Time' programme that second by sordid second eased the tide of anger and indignation that ha...
Read full storyHoax: Limbaugh is exposed as a spoof...is really Joel Epstein
In one of the most stunning announcements in recent media history it has been revealed that Rush Limbaugh is not Rush Limbaugh at all but is an ex stand up comic named Joel Epstein! "He's a skinny little Jewish guy" exclaimed the source for this arti...
Read full storyGreenprice announces layoffs
Greenprice International has announced a series of layoffs which could cut staff around the world by fifty percent or more. The Amsterdim-based multinational corporation, which assumed political control of the planet's garbage, effluent, and whale...
Read full storyMan With World's Smallest Penis Has Son, Thankful He Takes After His Mother!
Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name) and his wife Halletta, a pygmy from the Itura Forest in the Congo, have announced the birth of their first child, a son named Jean Pierre Wilson. "Thank goodness" stated Penis, "The little fella takes after h...
Read full storySexy Wife Proposals By Hubbies, Top 11
11> "What do you mean, talk to the hand?" 10> "Just pretend it's a 1979 Atari joystick and the game is "The Invasion Of The Giant Lips!" 9. "If I eat a lot of honey first, it'll be just like those creamy center long johns that you like so much." 8> "Sugar Tongue..uh, Plum, I was thinking: you know how you relish footlong hot dogs?" 7> "So, a new sofa it is!" 6> "No S...
Read full storyThis Space Intentionally Left Blank
Google has stunned the Internet community by including a comment on their search page which can only be described as a paradox. When the Google search page first opens, the sentence 'This space intentionally left blank' is displayed below the page c...
Read full storyLou Dobbs Victim of A Drive-By Shooting
WANTAGE, New Jersey - Lou Dobbs, the highly outspoken television commentator, reported to Wantage police that his home has once again been victimized by what he believes to be illegal aliens. Deputy Corky "Little Bubba" Pickapeck asked Mr. Dobbs w...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Is Sick And Tired Of Cheryl Cole Stories
Geordie warbler Cheryl Cole is becoming heartily sick and tired of reading ridiculous stories about herself. Cole, 26 or so, has been claimed to have done virtually everything under the sun, from appearing nude to swinging off Blackpool Tower riding...
Read full storyGordon Brown labelled a 'Jonah'
Writer Topkkat was open-mouthed this morning following genuine news that Tony Blair's hopes for the EU Presidency were fading fast. The laughing puss, who cobbled together a spoof describing how the former PM had turned down the role, watched a st...
Read full storyWorld's Craziest Recovering Alcoholic Falls Off Wagon In Spectacular Fashion
Otis Barleyhop, of Dunwhingeing, deep in the Australian outback, reputed to be the world's craziest recovering alcoholic did indeed fall off the wagon last night. In spectacular fashion. Barleyhop, (42) of Hisspead Drongo road went to to the d...
Read full storyLive your life says advisor and forget 5 a day.
The current 'five a day' message of eating fruit and veg is to be abolished. Government advisor Dr Moe Green has published a controversial report calling for a revised set of 'Five a Day' guidelines. He says: "Enough of having fruit and veg ram...
Read full storySwine Flu Thwarted by New Sanitizer
Confirmed by an independent panel of scientists from the U.S., U.K. and Uzbekistan, a new liquid substance has proven highly effective against the spread of the H1N1 (Swine) flu virus. The hypothesized formula was tested on all types of hard surfa...
Read full storyDuke of Edinburgh death cult very attractive says tosser
Sydney - (9/11 & All That): The allure of hara kiri remains a top recruiting tool Prince Edward has told gobsmacked Ozzies. The prince, motivational speaker for the Duke of Edinburgh's euthanasia scheme for hasbeen old Nazi spouses, was unveil...
Read full storyDemi Moore expecting twins
Demi Moore is expecting twins John and Edward Grimes to make it through to the next round of the X Factor, she confirmed this morning. Demi and her husband Ashton Kutcher have been following the story on youtube. "People are voting for them just t...
Read full storyBrown backing for Blair presidency sealed in 'Pizza Hut pact'
At a press conference late last night, Prime Minister Gordon Brown admitted that his backing for Tony Blair as EU President was sealed in a secret meeting at the Walworth branch of Pizza Hut. "Every 15 years we meet up, and this time it was my choic...
Read full storyBank Robber Attempts "Jacqui Smith" defence argument
In Court today, after watching former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith on BBC's "Question Time", a self-confessed bank robber claimed: "Yes. I did it. I've apologised, and I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault. I blame the system which never told me it was w...
Read full storyX-Factor twins not actually twins
In a shock revelation released today, it was revealed that the Irish twin X-Factor finalists from Dublin, Seamus and Seamus, are not actually twins. It was also discovered that not only are the twins not twins, but they are not Irish and not from...
Read full storyStraight White Man Victim Of Hate Crime
Milton P. Bennett is the latest victim of the Hate Crime Laws in America. He is 65yrs old, heterosexual and caucasian, father of three, a heroic Vietnam vet and much loved by his community. But that didn't stop the St Louis Melanin Fairies (SLMF) fro...
Read full storyPost-Partum Superfood Of The Uber Rich
Packed with more vitamins and nutrients per cubic centimeter than the patented "moon bars" developed by NASA scientists for the Apollo space program and as natural as mother's milk, the humble placenta is set to take its rightful place as the post-partum "superfood" of an increasingly diet conscious millennium. With a "eeeeuw" factor that's off the richter scale and a history dating back to th...
Read full storyHerat's Cinderella
Someone's trash is someone else's treasure. Tamerlane (1336-1405) a Mongol conqueror, killed hundreds of thousands of people on his expedition to capture the entire world, i.e. Asia, Middle East, Near East, Africa and even Moscow. He had a grandson, Sharok. Once, on a hot summer day, Sharok, having visited a mausoleum being built, was trotting his horse in the suburb of Herat, Afghanistan, and...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Woman Offers Her 'Woo-Woo' For World Series Tickets
NEW YORK CITY - A Philadelphia housewife has been arrested for offering to exchange her woo-woo (blank) for a pair of world series tickets. Susannah Fluckleberry, 43, said that for the past week she had been trying to figure out what to get her hu...
Read full storyMonkeys Plan to Radiate NASA Astronauts
When the inhabitants of the Monkey House at the Bronx Zoo in New York City learned that NASA planned to radiate monkeys, they decided, "That's it. Enough's enough." "It's an outrage," one monkey commented. "Just because they want to know the e...
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