Jewelry Repair Shop Offers Free Bridal Mounting

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Friday, 30 October 2009

image for Jewelry Repair Shop Offers Free Bridal Mounting
For the best in Bridal Mounting, see Roscoe and Ted at Royal Jewelry

Royal Jewelry Repair Shop has extended their services and now offers free Bridal mounting, in addition to thier free cleaning and low cost repair services. The store, which has been in business for five years, is owned by Ted E. Duke and Roscoe King.

Brides will not be able to choose their setting as all of the mounting will take place in the back room of the shop on an old couch ("we found it in the alley by the dumpster, and after a spray with Lysol and a new slipcover it smells okay"). Women, however, can choose their level of lighting ("We got a couple of lamps, one of them aroma candles, and the overhead lights").

Ted said that "this idea was all Roscoes, so I think we just have to let him go first. He says that he got it when he watched the Braveheart movie and saw that the royalty got first crack at the brides on their wedding nights. Since I'm Duke and he's King, we figured it was close enough to make the ladies comfortable."

Roscoe admitted that "not all them girls is going to go for this, but I'm willing if they are. I figure that there's still lots of bashful grooms out there that might want their brides to be a little more experienced and broken in."

Roscoe also said that "we're also willing to do this for older women who get anniversary rings or birthday or Christmas present rings. Our mounting services are not just for weddings. We've got to be careful on high school class rings, though, and make sure that the girls are of the age of consent."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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