Chivalrous gentleman Robbie Williams has decided not to appear at the MTV awards show because of constant speculation about his sex life, REHAB situation and why his single didn't crash the UK charts at Nr1 but humble Robbie has offered the following excuse:
"There are others more deserving, more talented, more popular and certainly more appealing than myself!
"I Robbie, ex Take That and everything else singer, self-admitted junkie, alcoholic, pill popping rehab inmate have given my place to that Queen of POP, Dame Vera Lynn!"
MTV acted cautiously to this announcement quoting, "it's rather difficult having geriatric pop-stars at the award show, we have no wheelchair or zimerframe access here."
But MTV being the "very caring" organisation they are came up with a perfect solution, Dame Vera will be spectacularly flown in via a world war Spitfire lent to them by BNP's Nick Griffin's dad!
She will land on stage singing "White cliffs of Dover" and "God Shave the Queen" (a revamped version of that Sex Pistols Rotten classic) and leave in a Messerschmitt lent by the German war museum!
MTV are convinced Robbie will not be missed after this spectacular show.
Meanwhile Robbie will be appearing in a dingy tranvestite pub at the back of Soho as "Lilly Marlene" attempting to put an end to all of the rumours!
