"Atlas Shrugged: The John Galt Story" - a synopsis
Either/Or Origin Born in rural Ohio, John Galt's father was a gas station attendent, his mother, not described, was no doubt some bar slut, as who else would screw a man held in such contempt by his own son? After all, not once did John ever call or write his parents, never mentioned them, and was upset when a buddy mentioned them one time. He apparently did not excell in school at all, drew...
Read full storyNick Griffin and Bonnie Greer announce shock wedding
In a surprise announcement, Nick Griffin leader of the British National Party, and Bonnie Greer, black historian, have set the date for their wedding. This follows a whirlwind romance which took place after Mr Griffin's appearance on Question Time...
Read full storyA tale of two cities, or a sale of two...?
San Francisco, California - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, a time of high class charity balls and low class eight balls. For one woman, Charleeza Throne, it was the worst of times. Being an addict and a minority is not easy,...
Read full storyBrains Of Britain - Scots Stay Put!
Desperate to stem the tide of highly skilled and professional English emigration to foreign shores and halt the tide of highly motivated East European and Black African immigration benefit seekers the Parliament of England is to launch a £20 assisted...
Read full storyJan Moir "Sorry I Bothered"
Jan Moir today issued an apology regarding her article on the death of Stephen Gateley. Moir had been accused of homophobia and over 20 000 complaints were received by the press complaints commission. "I am so sorry.... that I bothered to make thi...
Read full storyLarry King Interviews Kanye West
LOS ANGELES - After five weeks of trying, Larry King has finally gotten the hip-hop, rip-rap rapper Kanye West to agree to appear on his show Larry King Live. West found himself all over the airwaves, newspapers, and tabloids a little over a month ago due to him running up on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards and taking the microphone away from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for B...
Read full storyQuestion Time transcript
'And on tonight's Question Time we have Minister for Something Jack Feeble, some American writer nobody has ever heard of, some Baroness with an Asian complexion, another Liberal nobody, and Adolf Hitler. Let's take our first question, which comes from Henry Himmler.' 'Can we devote an entire hour of this BBC programme to talking about Adolf Hitler?' 'Jack Feeble.' 'Well, we can, but let me jus...
Read full storyObama's Enemies List: Former President Nixon's Advice
When Obama railed against Fox News, former President Nixon felt obliged to return from the dead to give the current president some advice about creating an enemies list. Nixon, after all, was an expert at that. A Spoof reporter saw Nixon, hold...
Read full storyMoors murderer Ian Brady: the real Cherie's buried on Saddleworth Moor
HMP Broadmoor - (Rotters): "And that impostor slag wife of Blair's is BNP tosser Nick Griffin's sister!" Brady's latest deposition before a new Appeal Court parole hearing threatens to blow the lid off Griffin's sordid, corpulent arse. It names...
Read full storyJoe Wilson Exiles His Wife
(Washington, D.C.) Congressman Joe Wilson, who stepped into the national spotlight with his Tourette Syndrome like moment during President Barack Obama's speech, announced this week that his wife Roxanne has been diagnosed with swine flu. Congress...
Read full storyDick Cheney keeps speaking
(Washington, D.C.) Addressing a conservative gathering, former Vice President Dick Cheney targeted the Obama administration's handling of Iraq and Afghanistan from the 'dithering' to send more troops to halting the Bush administration's use of "enhan...
Read full storySarah Palin keeps blogging
(New York-NY) Sarah Palin, viewed as a possible Republican 2012 White House hopeful, gave yet another unsolicited opinion, this time on the special election in New York's 23rd congressional district. Palin endorsed candidate Doug Hoffman over Rep...
Read full storyPlane Passenger Vigilance is Key
(Washington, D.C.) A passenger flight overshot its destination airport by about 150 miles Wednesday. Federal investigators initially thought that the aircraft, which remained radio silent for 16 minutes, might have been taken over by terrorists.
Read full storyDarth Vader Told "Take Outfit Off If You Want To Attend College"
Darth Vader has been turned away from Burnley Technical College for attending in his full outfit. Dressed from head to toe in black Vader certainly cuts an imposing figure. It was feared that he may intimidate other students and disrupt the learning...
Read full storyLabour "Recruiting Schoolchildren as Candidate MPs"
There was shock yesterday as it was revealed that groups of Labour Party officials have been loitering near school entrances and accosting schoolchildren as young as 12 with a view to getting them hooked on left-wing politics. "This is perfectly n...
Read full storyThe Classic English Roadster
Ah yes, the classic English roadster, for American purposes, it was any of a number of minimalist automobiles of a sporting nature, designed and produced by various manufactures (some were little more than cottage industries) in Great Britain, between 1946 and 1965 (after '65 there weren't really any new designs, just tired variations of the "same 'ol, same 'ol"). The typical roadster was built...
Read full storyNaked woman holed up in bathroom - S.W.A.T. called
DENVER, COLO - My source, Captain Doolittle of the DPD indicated that S.W.A.T was called yesterday to the scene of a woman who had locked herself in the bathroom after drinking aspartame laced beverages, where she had allegedly removed all of her clo...
Read full story'Live from Studio Five' brings BNP closer to world domination
Hilarious UK Channel 5 comedy 'Live From Studio Five' today unwittingly advanced the cause of Nick Griffin's ultra right wing BNP by dint of it's presenter's stunning lack of wit, knowledge and articulation of wot is English language, innit. Tople...
Read full storyEbay sells itself by mistake
Profits at online auction giant eBay have fallen by 99% as it continued to struggle amid the weak economy. It made $1 (£0.43) in the third quarter from $2 in the same period a year earlier as customers showed reluctance to spend. But the firm'...
Read full storyMicrosoft to introduce new "Garage" operating system
Microsoft, according to my secret inside source, has said it is happy with the sales of its new Windows 7 operating system. However, these are tough times. Soon to be released, "Garage" operating system. In these difficult times, garage sales ar...
Read full story'Intoxicated' pilots flail to land
Bratwurst Airlines, Airsled flight AA-151, was flying erratically today on the way from San Diego to Minneapolis. It missed the airport and started circling over an Indian reservation, where it was attacked with arrows. Contact with the Bratwurst...
Read full storyNASA credited with highest grossing film of the 20th century
Houston, Texas - Sorry James Cameron, but the figures are now all in for determining who had the highest grossing film of the 20th century, and it was not "Titanic". While "Titanic" with Leonardo DiCaprio did bring in $1.8 billion, it was "Moon La...
Read full storyThe New iVibrator 7 Is Coming
BEAVER, Pennsylvania - The Eager Beaver Adult Sexual Aid Company has just announced that they will soon be shipping their first shipment of the new, affordable, state-of-the-art iVibrator 7. Caitlan Rufflebock, president and CEO of Eager Beaver st...
Read full storyAnn Widdecombe condemns foul language on telly
Foul language is being used so frequently in everyday speech, that a third of us will hear a swear word every five minutes, claims childless, Roman Catholic spinster of this parish and sometime novelist The Rt. Hon. Ann Widdecombe. Ms Widdecombe...
Read full storyI'm A Holocaust Denying Neo Nazi Get Me Out Of Here
The BBC today defended their new show, I'm A Holocaust Denying Nazi Get Me Out Of Here. There have been complaints that the show was cruel to dumb animals. The BBC insisted that no animals were hurt in the making of the program. Their have been furth...
Read full storyThe Jay Leno Show Beaten In The Ratings By The Condiment Channel
LOS ANGELES - The Jay Leno Show has only been on the air for six weeks and it has already been beaten in the ratings by a Cable TV Network. The Condiment Channel knocked Leno's NBC show to fourth place behind ABC and CBS. When Leno was told abo...
Read full storyOldest cat in America dies, shocking discovery made
Midlothian, Texas - Caterack the Cat, believed to have been one of the oldest cats on Earth, died yesteday at an age of in cat years, 210. Cats being cats, she is believed to have been survived by 12,773,523 descendants. But a shocking discovery...
Read full story"Let Them Eat Pop Tarts" - New Battle Cry of The T-Baggers
In a slogan eerily similar to the statement of Marie Antoinette, wife of KIng Louis XV1 of France 1774-1791, when she said "Let them eat cake" the T-Baggers have announced a new campaign to target those that receive any form of government entitlement...
Read full storyPanic At TheSpoof.com As Dirty Words Are Banned
BALLS-UPON-TILLY, UK - Satirical website TheSpoof.com today announced that it no longer would accept submissions containing certain words, plunging the online satire sensation into anarchy. Managing editor Dark Lowdown identified the four main wor...
Read full storyDick Cheney repents of torture
His Underground Lair, Remote Island - Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the U.S., director of Halliburton and advisor to Lucifer, has recently released a statement in which he expresses regret over Gitmo, and calls for it's closing. "I have ju...
Read full storyGiant cream pie crushes beloved comic
Bronx, New York - Beloved comedian and television show host Soupy Sales died today, believed to have been crushed by a large cream pie that was thrown by his past friend Frank Sinatra. He was 83. Several sock puppets and the naked girl spoke at h...
Read full story"Robin Hood" drug cartel busted, others okay
Washington, D.C. - Proud officials from the DEA announced that in a massive sweep, they arrested over 300 suspected members of La Familia, believed to be a drug cartel. The other cartels are still fully operational. What is odd about this, and wh...
Read full storyNew TV Panel Show Announced by BBC
The BBC announced a new show to appear in their Spring Schedules. Entitled "Roasting Time", it will involve a panel of people in the news being questioned by an invited audience on current events. "The critical difference to other shows,", explai...
Read full storyAl Gore Demands "Pets Must Go" in New World Global Warming Order!
Al Gore, described as 'a Mountain of a Man' in Global Warming Circles, pronounced today that if the world is to be saved from itself, there is no place on earth for Pets, and their carbon emissions! The announcement would have raised alarms and P...
Read full storyMilitary bows to pressure from NOW
Ft. Benning, Georgia - For years, the National Organization of Women, has brought pressure to bear upon the United States Military to change their discriminatory stance against women. From outright exclusion, to forbidding them combat roles, NOW h...
Read full storyNambla Airlines unveils its "don't ask, don't tell" policy
The airline is a-buzz with the news that a Wednesday evening flight overshot it's destination when the two pilots became "distracted". Pilots Bruce Hardman and Dirk Hungston have insisted that they did not hear any radio or phone calls, as they we...
Read full storyQuestion Time Axed By BBC
The BBC has announced that it is to axe the current affairs program Question Time. Director General Mark Tom Thumb said that the decision had been a difficult one. "The show has run for thirty years but I think that there is not much left for it...
Read full story$200m cocaine sub bust scuppers Amazonbotch Ecuadorian campaign
Guatemala - (Red Oktober): An Amazonbotch campaign to embezzle $27 billion from oil supermajor Chevron has bombed. The organization's principal source of revenue has suffered a serious blow with today's busting of a $200 million cocaine-carrying C...
Read full storyGriffin denies farting during Question Time
BNP leader Nick Griffin denied this morning that he had farted loudly during the recording of Question Time last night. Sound engineers were combing through the videotape to try and ascertain who had produced the loud rumbling bottom explosion ten...
Read full storyLight Relief
Tissue manufacturers are becoming increasingly concerned over the spread of a fungus apparently living off tissue paper which has been found in batches of tissues and toilet paper rolls across the globe. Once the fungus gets inside the pack of tissue it starts to make the tissue its home while travelling around the world for its customer. During this time it absorbs goodness in the tissue and i...
Read full storyNick Griffin 'Jade Goody's natural Last Tango in Paris partner' say Strictly judges
London - (Hokey-Cokey): Terminal illness alone prevented Jade Goody RIP from partnering Nick Griffin on Strictly Come Dancing a BBC TV audience heard last night. The BNP leader however withdrew prematurely from the contest last year following rumo...
Read full storyClarkson to become a lesbian
Top Gear presenter and testosterone-fuelled TV hardman Jeremy Clarkson has revealed today that he is to become a lesbian. The shock announcement will stun his army of adoring female fans who hang on every macho word he utters on the eponymous TV p...
Read full storyUK economy is still in the cupboard
The UK economy unexpectedly hid behind the Christmas decorations for another month, according to some guy at a government office meaning the country is still in the cupboard. It is the first time UK gross Christmas decorations (GCD) has contracted...
Read full storyGeorgetown 'fancy lad' misses mommy
Spoiled America - Charley is away from home for the first time, and for a young lad of rich parents, this can be daunting. As a big boy sophomore, he's expected to go to all his classes, work a hoighty-toighty finance job, and still manage to find t...
Read full storyBNTP attacks coffee on BBC show
British National Tea Party leader Rick Muffin has used his Question Time appearance to criticise Starbucks and defend a past head of afternoon tea campaign. He also told a large hostile audience that Granma Smith from Skegness would be a BNTP supp...
Read full story'Down With Fascism' To End Campaign
Pressure group Down With Fascism, who have been instrumental in organising angry protests against the British National Party, have today announced that they are ceasing operations with immediate effect. The surprise announcement comes in the wake...
Read full storyRobbie Williams To Be Honoured At Spoof Awards
Robbie Williams is to be given the special Outstanding Lifetime Achievement To Spoof Writers Award at a special ceremony at the Wellingborough Parish Hall. The award caps a triumphant return to public life for the singer. From his days as the fat...
Read full storyTight Security at BBC Following Angry Protests
BC Broadcasting House remains under tight security today following a series of scuffles between protesters and police outside the gates yesterday. Around 200 angry protesters surrounded the BBC's main gates in Wood Lane, with their numbers increas...
Read full storyWorld's Dumbest Terrorist Arrested - He Was Planning On Blowing Up The Atlantic Ocean
PORTLAND, Maine - Authorities in Portland have arrested Mustifini Allahfut, a known Iraqi terrorist. Allahfut, who is 42, and speaks broken English as well as broken Iraqi was charged with planning to blow up the Atlantic Ocean. Detective Murra...
Read full storyMadame Bitters Is Ready to Give You Advice!
Hello, all: If you've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I've been absent from my advice column for well over 6 months. What can I say? I've been exploring other projects and growing as a writer. What, did you thing I was going to say I was sorry? Do you even know me? If you do know me (and if you don't, you really should) then you'd know that I never use the 's-word'...
Read full storyRosie and Kelli can NOT get divorced
Nyack, New York - Rosie O'Donald and Kelli Carpenter were married in San Francisco back in 2004 and are possibly contemplating a divorce. But could they even if they wanted to? The Supreme Court is already clearing their docket. You see, while g...
Read full storyThe Streets of Bordello Falls (Chapter Five)
The Streets of Bordello Falls Chapter 5 Love and Whiskey Make the World Go 'Round! Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four Madame Bitters cracked the heavy velvet cutains that framed her office window in response to the gunshot she'd just heard. She was just in time to see the Deputy falls to the dusty street. It seemed Deputy Slim Pickens was the latest law enforceme...
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