His Underground Lair, Remote Island - Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the U.S., director of Halliburton and advisor to Lucifer, has recently released a statement in which he expresses regret over Gitmo, and calls for it's closing.
"I have just found out that they used the music of Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam, Metallica and Britney Spears to torture the suspects.", it reads in part. "I had no idea, nor would I have sanctioned such barbarity."
The past VP best known for his propensity for shooting people in faces admits that he knew about the beatings, waterboardings and forced sexual humiliation. But agrees with Amnesty International that the music just went "too far".
"That music took it to a whole new level.", said Cheney's release. "Even had they had opportunity of counsel, a fair trial, a jury, and had been actually found guilty of anything, I still would not have wished that on them. My heart goes out to them, and their families."
Families of the detainees were unavailable for comment, as Cheney's policies of the saturation bombing of villages has obliterated them all.
