Desperate to stem the tide of highly skilled and professional English emigration to foreign shores and halt the tide of highly motivated East European and Black African immigration benefit seekers the Parliament of England is to launch a £20 assisted passage scheme into England from Scotland.
Created as part of England's "Populate With Brains or Perish" policy, the scheme is designed to substantially increase the population of England from a Scottish "nation" full of brains and supply workers for England's booming industries in drama, media and job centre plus civil service vacancies.
In return for subsidising the cost of travelling to England - Scottish adult migrants will only be charged twenty pounds sterling for the fare over the border and children will be allowed to travel for free!
The English Government promises employment prospects, housing and a generally more optimistic lifestyle in a country with more winter daylight hours!
However, on arrival, Scottish migrants will be placed in "holding camps" and expected job opportunities will not always be readily available especially in drama and media.
When asked to comment on the above announcement Scottish minister for emigration Hamish McFish said "£20 quid, ya must be jokin' - make it £220,000 and I'll be first in the queue, tak' ma money for a year then I'll be back 'ome enjoyin' ma warm winter nights 'round the fire with a wee big dram complete with ma Mickey Mouse NVQ's in media and drama!"
