PORTLAND, Maine - Authorities in Portland have arrested Mustifini Allahfut, a known Iraqi terrorist.
Allahfut, who is 42, and speaks broken English as well as broken Iraqi was charged with planning to blow up the Atlantic Ocean.
Detective Murray DeVooti of the PPD said that when officers searched Allahfut's one-bedroom apartment they found all kinds of photographs, pencil drawings, and finger paintings of the Atlantic Ocean.
One photo even clearly showed a buoy that a retired shrimp fisherman identified as Buoy #893.
Allahfut was asked why he would want to do such a stupid thing as blowing up the Atlantic.
He became indignant and said that it was no more stupid than his cousin Muhammad Abdul Farfisa who was planning on blowing up the Kalahari Desert or his childhood friend Anwari Habib Youssefson who was planning on blowing up the South Pole.
Allahfut is being held in the Portland jail where District Attorney Horst Lautner is frantically trying to find someone who will agree to be his court-appointed lawyer.
Lautner said that so far 34 lawyers have refused to represent Allahfut for reasons dealing from his being a total and complete shithead to his having that horrendously stinking camel smell.
Portland Chief of Police Hayfield Furness told the media that they can all rest assured that the Atlantic Ocean is safe and sound and is in no imminent danger.
