LOS ANGELES - After five weeks of trying, Larry King has finally gotten the hip-hop, rip-rap rapper Kanye West to agree to appear on his show Larry King Live.
West found himself all over the airwaves, newspapers, and tabloids a little over a month ago due to him running up on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards and taking the microphone away from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for Best Music Video.
LARRY: Hello Kanye. How are you doing?
KANYE: How is I doin' what?
LARRY: Easy there fella, don't go gettin' all Kanye Pest on me cause I ain't no little Taylor Swift, I'll reach over and slap you on the side of your friggin' head.
KANYE: Man, don't be talkin' that way to me. Don't you know who I am you old white relic fool.
LARRY: Mr. West, I do have to say that you really do have one hell of an inferiority complex. And I guess that it's probably because you're black huh?
KANYE: Bingo, Mr. King, you just won the damn door prize.
LARRY: Kanye, and I will call you Kanye since after all it is my show, or as you would say, it be my show.
KANYE: You see. Now why does you feels that you has to go and makes fun of the ways that I be talkin' and shit.
LARRY: Well first of alls, I ain't be making fun of the ways you be talkin' and shit. And secondly, don't you be cussin' on my show. If anyone is gonna cuss, it's gonna be me. Have I made myself perfectly clear mutha (BLEEP).
KANYE: Now lets me gets this here clear Kingface. Just because it's your show, you can cuss, but I can't?
LARRY: You got that right little fella.
KANYE: Man you is one funky-ass white dude. How old are you now? abouts 94, 95?
LARRY: No shithead. I'm 75. But I'm not really sure that you can count that high.
KANYE: Oh, I can counts that high you silly old suspender-wearing honky. In facts, I'll have you know that I can counts way past 75, all the way up into the high 400's.
LARRY: Great. Now tell me how did it feel to go up on stage and take the microphone out of the hand of a sweet little white girl who would never even hurt a gnat.
KANYE: You mean Net right?
LARRY: No turd bucket I said gnat, I think that you are probably thinking of the New Jersey Nets right?
KANYE: Yeah, will you kinda stuttered and I misheard ya.
LARRY: Well? Kandy, are you gonna answer my question or what?
KANYE: Yeah. But let me correct you on two things. First of alls, my name ain't Kandy. And firstly I did not even notice what color Taylor Swift be.
KANYE: No really. Remember Larry, I was wearing dark sunglasses.
LARRY: Okay. Now tell me what the heck was up with that. I mean it was nightfall. Why the glasses? Were you trying to maybe hide a pair of bloodshot eyes?
KANYE: No. If you must know. I am sensitive to light. It is something that I developed as a little toddler growing up in Alana.
KANYE: Alana. Alana, Georgia, gets your friggin' ears fixed fool.
LARRY: Oh. Atlanta.
KANYE: Yeah. It be the home of the Braves, Falcons, and Hawks.
LARRY: Hey, you do know your birds huh?
KANYE: I sure does. My mama didn't raise no fool you old cracker-looking piss ant.
LARRY: Okay, that's it. The interview is over. Kanye get your friggin' arrogant ass out of my studio.
KANYE: Fashizzle kashizzle honky fool.
LARRY: Hava nigila twit shit.
LARRY: Oh and K-Boy, PUT THE MICROPHONE BACK ON THE TABLE NOW!