The 2009 Canadian Country Music Coalition Awards
QUEBEC, Canada - Shania Twain and Neil Young hosted the 2009 Canadian Country Music Coalition Award Show. The annual event was held at The Abominable Snowman Coliseum in downtown Quebec. Following are the various awards and the winners: The Vocal Duo Award - This award was won by Pierre & Pierre Jr. The father and son duo from Montreal had two number one songs this year, "Her Bikini Line Su...
Read full storyCheney And Bush In The Revolutonary War.
In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of the Revolutionary War. In this parallel universe, personalities and characteristics remain the same, but the environment, the historical time and the circumstances have changed. The two men meet on t...
Read full storyC.W.'s Next Top Model To Try It Again!
Tyra Banks is once more going to try to give her New York auditions another shot after the first auditions turned into a mob scene a few weeks ago when a stampede started almost on the scale of last year's herd through WalMart for Christmas shopping.
Read full storyNext tremor will pulverise the Vatican Hellfire Club seismologists warn
Rome - (DidTheEarthMoveForYou? Ass Mess): World Geological Survey satanists are warning the Vatican is the obvious next target in the current earth tremor season devastating vast swathes of Italy. The Roman religious center lies on a pre-Lemurian...
Read full storyAncient Secret Revealed in North Dakota
Absolutely stunning, if true, a long hidden secret tracing its way back to pre-Columbian prairie cultures has finally been revealed in North Dakota, USA. How could such a phenomenon have been kept hidden for centuries? The answer seems to lie in on...
Read full storyDa Pidgen 10 Commandments
1. God is numbah one 2. No make da kine statues 3. Wahtch yo mout. No swea wit God's name. 4. On Sunday, no can do nuttin 5. Leesen to yo muddah an yo faddah 6. No keel nobody 7. No go moemoe wit yo bruddah's wahine 8. No cockaroach nottin 9. No lie, broh! 10. No be jealous one noddah person's stuffs Oh,one noddah ting...no talk stink bout nobody!...
Read full storyFarrah Fawcett anal cancer poser: is colonic irrigation to blame?
Los Angeles, Ca - (ReUterus & Bad Ass Mess): Someone must have doctored the emetics with toxic human growth hormone. That is the general prognosis on Farrah Fawcett's lifelong colonic irrigation love affair and the hideous sphinctral conseque...
Read full storySt Georges day to be renamed St Kevins day
St Georges day the national day of England is said to be renamed 'St Kevins day'. Historians have discovered St George was actually St Kevin. Popadobalee a specialist British historian was quoted as saying 'George was an alias used to confuse the...
Read full storyKorean Missile Found To Be Powered By Diet Pepsi And Mentos
The long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi. The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a wild card capable of anything. Co...
Read full story65 million complaints received over teeth jibe
More than 65million complaints have been received since the weekend in regard to BBC presenter Sarah Boring's comment to Liam Treadmill. Yes, that's right, more than the entire population of Britain have nothing better to do than sit around making wh...
Read full storyAll American Dogs to be Shipped to China and Boiled in Soy Sauce for Debt Relief
Chinese Secretary of State Laung Dong announced this morning that all dogs in America were being held as collateral for the latest Chinese bailout of the America Treasury. The startling revelation was confirmed by the U.S. Undersecretary of Agricultu...
Read full storyL'Aquila tremor 'is God punishing Pope for interferring with Chevron tanker'
L'Aquila, Italy - (Cosmic Big Oil Mess}: It wasn't Pope Joe Ratzinger's totally missionary position on condoms, Aids and Africa that has got up the Great Architect of the Universe's nose this week, prompting today's massive earthquake eruption in the...
Read full storyPresident Obama Rips On Classic Television Shows
U.S. President Barack Obama, just back from his trip to the G-20 Summit meetings, begin a rant against classic television shows. According to his staff, the only American television that they could watch overseas contained nothing but older shows fr...
Read full storyDoctor Evil threatens further "ping pong" missile misery from North Korea. China: "Anyone who messes with our next doors "Knick Knacks" will get their pork and chicken balls fried!"
Kim Jong-Il, otherwise known as Doctor Evil, was roundly condemned for North Korea's launch of its Tai Kwon Do, Taepodong-2 missile on the same day that President Barack Obama, in a speech in the Czech capital, pledged the United States to the long-t...
Read full storyReports of Australia's "Biggest Boobs" In the World Causes Relocation of Spoof Writer Buck Wheat!
Sydney, Australia/ World DD Cup News - Renowned Spoof Writer Buck Wheat, and his side kick Bargis Tryhol, Man with the World's Biggest Penis, picked up lock stock and barrel and moved their literary act to Australia which just announced it is hom...
Read full storyJacqui Smith voted sexiest babe in Afghanistan
British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is once again in the news after being voted 'the sexiest babe' outside Afghanistan. The local Afghani camel and goat herders have called for her to appear naked in this months Playgoat (A popular lads mag). Moh...
Read full storyObama bullshits the Muslim world
Barack Obama says the USA 'is not at war with Islam - it just happens to keep attacking Muslim countries, but only ones that aren't strong enough to fight back.' Denying that Americans were not only committing war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, b...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says FBI Still Working Hard On Investigating Hacker
FBI detectives are still trying to build a case against an Internet hacker who allegedly tapped into Miley Cyrus' emails and sent out some special pics and apparently invited a lot of guys over at their place in Tennessee any time they liked, then pu...
Read full storyMichelle Obama's trip abroad inspires Off-Broadway remake of "Evita"
New York, New York - Plans are in the works to reproduce the Broadway classic "Evita", only instead of the musical being based on the life and times of Juan Domingo Perón and his charismatic wife Eva Perón of Argentina, it will be based on Barack and...
Read full storyBarack Obama replaces Lewis Hamilton as McLaren driver
Barack Obama became a Formula 1 McLaren driver today, as World Champion Lewis Hamilton resigned 'for personal reasons'. The President had to cancel his 'Magical Mystery Tour' of Europe, and attended a press conference in London to announce his change...
Read full storyClippers Randolph In Jail
It's only getting worse for the Los Angeles Lakers ... one of their alleged "stars" was busted for DUI early this morning, according to a just surfacing police report. Only a few hours after the game and maybe because of it's outcome, Clipper powe...
Read full storyMonkey Woods is called bigot by Jade Goody's Ghost
Loveable ex Dental nurse Jade Goody, 27 has condemned spoof writer Monkey Woods as being prejudiced. Ex- reality star and Ex-human Goody hit out at Monkey Woods yesterday. "I am part darkie myself yaknow. I am bored by Monkey Wood's blantant ove...
Read full storyMichelle Obama & Carla Bruni-Sarkozy In High-Level Catfight
Michelle Obama presented France's first lady with a musical instrument when they met in the city of Strasbourg on Friday. Mrs. Obama gave Carla Bruni-Sarkozy a Gibson acoustic guitar, says the Associated Press. Their face-to-face meeting was a...
Read full storyCareless "Tweet" Betrays Bin Laden Position
US Special Forces were closing in on Osama Bin Laden last night, after intercepting an injudicious message from the terror chief on social networking website Twitter. "OBL2001 is... relaxing at his favourite cave in good old Tora Bora. You know -...
Read full storyPavement Princess Arrested For Having An Illegal Stimulus Package
HOBOKEN, New Jersey - A local prostitute has been arrested by Hoboken police for plying her trade with an illegal stimulus package. Maraca Allegretto, 24, told police that she is just a simple, hard-working, quasi-law-abiding citizen who is trying...
Read full storyShamed Rangers stars speak out
Former Ibrox idols Barry Ferguson and Allan Mcgregor today attempted to salvage their careers by holding a press conference that was claimed would set the record straight about their recent actions. The disgraced pair, after finishing their milk a...
Read full storyFeathers Fly In Florida Court Over "Bollocks" The Parrot Ownership Dispute!
Boca Raton,FL / Aviary News - A dispute over the ownership of a 193 year old Parrot has spilled into local courts and is now gathering national attention from bored Journalists. The vociferous Parrot, whose age was verified by an Aviary Expert af...
Read full storyBBC's Clair Balding Imprisoned For Life!
The BBC's Clair Balding has been sensationally sacked and sentenced to life imprisonment without trial for her foul mouthed tirade against winning Grand National Jockey Liam 'Buggsy' Treadwell's Gnashers. 'Don't smile and stand too close to the ho...
Read full storyMP in new expenses storm
A fresh helping of anguish peppered with disgust was ladled into the British public's soup bowl today after yet another MP's expense account was exposed to the nation. Simon Prissypants, the MP for Dribbly-Salterton,has come under-fire from protes...
Read full storyIndian Politician to be honored with Doctorate Degree for personal abuse
Ancient India: In the capital of Ancient India, Patliputra, which is considered to be the seat of most famous modern city, a new doctorate thesis has been defended by current ex-Chief Minister of Bihar. Her Doctoral thesis topic was "How low and pers...
Read full storyToofgate scandal rocks the sporting world!
BBC Sports presenter Clare Balding has become embroiled in what many lazy hacks are already dubbing 'Toofgate'. The latest in a string of inappropriate references to the Watergate scandal, Toofgate captured the moral outrage of the nation when Baldin...
Read full storyObama Arrested!
Michelle Obama has been arrested and locked up in the Tower of London since touching up The Queen at there first meeting at the G20 Summit last week. Her majesty said she felt 'violated and dirty' after the mortal had touched her and that she has 'no...
Read full storyDoomsday Prophets and Profits: Faithful Beware
As if the world didn't have enough to worry about, already inundated with daily news of war, famine and economic tragedy, a new swarm of doomsday hucksters have invaded the Internet, major intersections and even your favorite little coffee shop. Ben...
Read full story"Most Haunted"announce pay-per-view spectacular
This summer will see Derek Accorah rejoin with the original "Most Haunted" crew as they prepare to stun the nation by summoning the ghost of Jade Goody. The ghosthunters will be joined in this historic quest by a star studded line-up including Jer...
Read full story8 Day Erection Linked to Democrat Stiff Dick Syndrome; No Relief in Sight as Everybody Gets Screwed!
Washington,DC/ Office of the Surgeon General - A man with no formal education, and little to recommend him, found employment with the Federal Government today when it was brought to the attention of the Speaker of the House that the man was suffering...
Read full storyMichael Jackson confesses to crime
Michael Jackson, the ex-black singer with the Jackson 5, has admitted "I'm bad". Mr Jackson has been accused of many crimes over the years, from molesting children to producing terrible music. But today he finally confessed "I'm bad. You know it,...
Read full story'The Smell Of Nausea' opens today
New musical 'The Smell Of Nausea' today opened in London's West End theatre, The Hypocrodome, and stars Gordon Brown and Jacqui Smith, with co-stars David Cameron and Liberal Nobody, plus guest star Barack Obama. The musical is set in Austria, and in it lots of childish MPs are being protected by Brown and Smith from the villain, Al Hysteria, whose job is to scare the public into letting the MP...
Read full storyThe Reasons GM Failed, Revealed
Detroit MI: The Detroit Automotive Digest published the following letter from GM's new CEO that was sent to all GM employees. The letter fills in some key elements leading up to the government bailout and bankruptcy of the giant automaker. OFFICE OF THE GENERAL MOTORS CORPORATION CEO 31 March 2009 TO: GM Management, Labor Unions, an...
Read full storyBarack Obama makes historic 'I have a dream' speech in Prague
'People of wherever the heck I am today, I have a dream, that one day Europeans will care what Americans think and will stop milking them for money, I have a dream! Two world wars in Europe which had nothing to do with America, the Cold War in Europe that had nothing to do with America, and yet Americans sent billions of dollars and sent thousands of troops to Europe, and got nothing in return. On...
Read full storyA New God is born
A new God is born? Hmmmm how strange is that God can take birth. Well don't worry. Yes its very much possible and its only possible in India. Wondering who this new God is? Well there are few God who are born every day in India considering the number of God Indians have. Guys Indian do have Gods and they have millions of God. You name one thing and they have a god or something which can represe...
Read full storyMadonna Dating Levi Johnston
WASILLA, Alaska - Madonna, fresh from dumping baseball superstar A-Rod and Brazilian super model Jesus Luz has reportedly been seen having dinner with none other than Levi Johnston, 18, the ex-future son-in-law of Gov. Sarah Palin. Johnston uncari...
Read full storyWhen the Dusk Fell, Part 4
Yusef, bent his head and rubbed his ears on his shoulder. Now he looked at her squarely in the face. He could not believe his eyes: her curved eyelashes, so long and thick; her eyelids, sparkling pale blue; her cheeks, pink; her lips, red. Her perfume, staggering. Now he felt uncomfortable in the loins. Fortunately, his pants were so loose, baggy, thick and darned that concealed any transforma...
Read full storyBeatles reunion marred by crap songs
Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr performed together last night in a New York concert ruined by poor songs. The two remaining Beatles sung Hey Jude, I Am The Walrus, and a new composition by Ringo entitled 'Aviva, Aviva', a politically motivated son...
Read full storyStars support Italian earthquake victims
Celebrities have got together today to support the victims of the Italian earthquake. U2's Bono said, "Italy is the forgotten country of Africa, and these poor people need our support, so give them your f**king money, NOW." He added, "We believe t...
Read full storyNorth Korea Blast Rocket: Manhunt for new weapon
After successfully blasting a rocket over Japan and above earth, North Korea has launched a manhunt to find a new project. According to a source, a new concept has been launched on the model of famous American Idol. According the program director,...
Read full storyGay Divorce Advocates Pursue Constitutional Amendment
With most of the Northeast and now Iowa on board the gat marriage cruise ship, forward looking GLBTQRST political advocates are advancing the cause of gay divorce. Bobby Streisand, a drag queen, cocktail lounge singer and amateur rollerblader told me...
Read full storyAntartica to Arrive at North Pole in Time to Restore Polar Ice Cap
The Ice Bridge which holds the Antarctic Ice Shelf in place has shattered and the frozen southernmost continent is drifting north. Already moving up the Atlantic coast of South America, emperor penguins are shedding their coats and making reservation...
Read full storyNATO Forces Fight for Afghani Men's Right to Imprison and Force Themselves on their Women
The budding poppy fields of the blooming democracy of Afghanistan has suffered a slight set back as NATO forces sacrifice life and limb for the Karzai government and its citizens. It seems that recent realignment with Islamic fundamentalist sects...
Read full storyFilthy Rich Children Taught Empathy
An educational trend has taken hold in obscenely rich school districts around the US. As millions of bailout dollars flood these already opulent school systems, instructional leaders have been desperately searching for a way to spend the dollars.
Read full storyGreat Britain Sends Jade Goody Corpse and Five Rotund Knights To Afghanistan
USA President Barack Obama used the G-20 forum to beg European nations to send more than Euros to the flailing efforts in Afghanistan. After much Parliamentary debate and a dramatic rap intervention from the representative from Stains, the British in...
Read full storyThe Talk On The Daily TV Talk Shows
Here is a synopsis of yesterday's television talk shows. Live With Regis And Kelly - Cloris Leachman, who is 82-years-old, showed Regis and Kelly some of her cellulite which is located in places where you would never imagine cellulite to be located. For those who did not see the show, it was not a pretty sight at all. In fact, NBC affiliates in Boston, Cleveland, Waco, and Tijuana, Mexico r...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt take "Mr. Bubble" Baths together; she says he's so dirty that he likes to do it with a Rubber Ducky...watching
Hollywood, California - Angelina Jolie recently confessed in an interview that she and Brad Pitt like to take baths together but failed to mention what kind of baths and with someone or something watching. "They take 'Mr. Bubble' baths together,"...
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