Clippers Randolph In Jail

Funny story written by Bureau

Monday, 6 April 2009

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It's only getting worse for the Los Angeles Lakers ... one of their alleged "stars" was busted for DUI early this morning, according to a just surfacing police report.

Only a few hours after the game and maybe because of it's outcome, Clipper power forward Zack Randolph was pulled over by the California Highway Patrol officers on the 405 Freeway when they spotted Randolph's white Rolls Royce weaving in and out of his lane at around 2:30 AM.

Two troopers say when they approached the car, they "could clearly smell an odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from within the vehicle" and proceeded to perform some field tests on the 6'9," 255 pound 27-year-old. Randolph failed those and was arrested for DUI.

"This guy was huge", stated 6-foot two-inch officer Jack Gemmens. "But he was so drunk, I was afraid he might fall on us. He wasn't dangerous or threatening, just very drunk or seemed to be."

Randolph, who already has a previous DUI bust under his belt, is currently behind bars -- being held without bail.

A spokesman for the Clippers told reporters this morning, "We'll reserve comment until we've had an opportunity to review the facts as we plan to see them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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