Kim Jong-Il, otherwise known as Doctor Evil, was roundly condemned for North Korea's launch of its Tai Kwon Do, Taepodong-2 missile on the same day that President Barack Obama, in a speech in the Czech capital, pledged the United States to the long-term goal of ridding itself of other pisspot states with nuclear weapons.
North Korea's testing of a missile that analysts fear could someday clear the Sea of Japan and possibly contain an evil, highly trained psychotic "Manky Chinky" Or "Monkey warhead" underscored how hard that goal will be to achieve -- and the challenge Obama faces from North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il and his evil henchman "Knick Knack".
This morning, we were reminded again why we need a new and more rigorous approach to address this threat. North Korea broke the rules once more by testing a "shithouse"rocket that could be used for a long-range financial, material and economic blackmail attack,'' Obama said at the outdoor speech in central Prague.
"This provocation underscores the need for action, not just . . . at the U.N. Security Council but in our determination to prevent the spread of these weapons,'' he said. ''Rules must be binding. Violations must be punished. Words must mean something... Money must be handed to the Lord Voldermort to stop them firing more of these "ruse" missiles in future. 'Evil dictators must not be able to acquire these missiles from "Radio Shack" or" Cash Convertors" any longer.
Obama ordered doctor Evil to sit on the naughty step but he refused. Ernst Stavro Blofeld exclaimed, "As soon as you Capitalist pigs give me enough subsidies, material assistance, and handouts, I am going to fire another one and get another bailout".
The South Koreans and Japanese have resigned themselves to the sight of what amounts to little more than an advanced level science project bumbling through their air space. A Japanese fisherman claims to have seen what appeared to be a ramshackle construction composed of tea chests, vacuum cleaners and an industrial sized washing machine drum, plunge into the Sea of Japan at around 3.00PM GMT. A small primate scrambled out and flew away in a homemade gyro copter, which immediately crashed.
The U.N. Security Council met in emergency session Sunday afternoon to debate the launch. However, despite Obama's call for action, it seemed likely the 15-member council would only criticize North Korea and ask it to return the tools, barbecue set and garden equipment it borrowed last summer. Not only does Doctor Evil refuse to resume negotiations but the North Korean regime also hinted at the huge space monkey, killer laser beam station, they were planning.
The Security Council decided indefinitely to take no immediate action but agreed to continue taking diminishing amounts of" no action" on a daily basis to "ramp up" the pressure.
China, a veto-bearing permanent Security Council member, opposes any additional sanctions on North Korea. Foreign Ministry representative Jiang Yu called in a statement for ''cool-headedness and restraint. Anyone who messes with our next doors "Knick Knacks" will get their pork and chicken balls fried"!
The long-anticipated launch of the Ping Pong missile, which had been observed for weeks on the roof of Doctor Evil's garage, took place Sunday morning local time.
The rocket failed to put its payload, believed to be an experimental mix of whites, light coloureds and synthetics into orbit, but stalled on "spin cycle" just as the conditioner was being released for tumble dry. United States Northern Command were said to be in hysterics.
North Korea's state-controlled news agency, however, said the rocket succeeded in placing in orbit a satellite that was broadcasting revolutionary songs by Coldplay and Dido in an attempt to destroy the earth with boredom.
Estimates of the Ting Tong 2's range vary widely, but some put it at as much as a scale of 1:30 (Airfix standard scale) or 6,200 miles, in theory, enough to hit the Northern United States and cause its residents to die laughing.
The launch was the first challenge to Obama from Dr Evil, who has bedevilled past U.S. presidents and extracted concessions with its nuclear "bunkkmanship".