Written by Miko

Monday, 6 April 2009

The BBC's Clair Balding has been sensationally sacked and sentenced to life imprisonment without trial for her foul mouthed tirade against winning Grand National Jockey Liam 'Buggsy' Treadwell's Gnashers.

'Don't smile and stand too close to the horse, she quipped (to jubilant but embarrassed winning jockey Treadwell), we won't know who the horse is and who is the jockey HA! HA! HA! TEE! HEE! HEE! HEE! HO! HO! HO!'

Millions of TV viewers watched agape as Baldwin cringingly belittled Treadwell who later, it is reported, punched her viciously six times in the gob for her troubles, and gave her swift a kick up the jacksy that Red Rum would have been proud of!

Frumpy Clair, 56, a presenter with BBC Sport's Horse Racing team for some 6 years made her highly ABUSIVE COMMENTS about Liam Treadwell teeth after he had romped home in the Grand National, winning easily by a massive 15 lengths - and two severely protruding top front molars.

Clair will serve her 30 year term, with no parole, in Yorkshires tough St Clementines Women's Prison alongside psychopathic murderers, non-paying-fine-pensioners, and school-truant's-mums.

Head of BBC sport, Malcolm Simpkins commented: 'Clair will be very sadly missed but frankly one can't go around willy nilly extracting the urine out of jockey's teeth. I know Liam personally, he is the salt of the earth and the most kind and gentlemanly vegetarian jockey one could meet who simply adores and always eats up his carrots!'

Malcolm also said: 'The one ray of hope and good thing to come out of all this is that although I feel partially responsible my £1.5 million per annum salary will remain intact along with my mediocre pension of course. It is a sad day for the BBC and racing though.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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