Obama bullshits the Muslim world

Funny story written by matwil

Monday, 6 April 2009

image for Obama bullshits the Muslim world
The first intelligent and well-informed American President

Barack Obama says the USA 'is not at war with Islam - it just happens to keep attacking Muslim countries, but only ones that aren't strong enough to fight back.'

Denying that Americans were not only committing war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, but have also ignored war crimes in nearby Israel for 50 years, the President - who of course is President of America, which is why he's never there - also denied that the US has also ignored war crimes committed by Turkey against the Kurds.

'People', he said, in his Uncle Tom voice, 'you gotta understand I say these things about the rest of the world for the folks back home, the average American voter believes all my crap.'

'But when I start talking crap outside of America while I'm visiting the rest of the world, the rest of the world thinks that I sound like a ridiculous, childish, ignorant buffoon, with no knowledge of history or current affairs. And worse than that, I sound like a complete liar.'

Turkey is NOT a Muslim country, though its citizens are almost all Muslims, Turks are efficient and ruthless warriors who ran a massive empire for hundreds of years, from North Africa to Eastern Europe. The reason you're saying the US is not at war with Islam, Mr Obama, is because Turkey would wipe America off the map in any war, and because you haven't got the nerve to either say it is at war with Islam or withdraw all American troops from the Middle East.

You stick to being colonised and achieving nothing, and leave the Italians, the British, the Moors and the Turks to create powerful empires that have lasted for hundreds of years. You sound like a 5 year-old, going on and on about skin colour and Islam, what not start talking about geopolitics, the legacy of colonialism, the economic threat of China and the European Union to the US, and whether America should introduce a statewide national healthcare system or not.

After only a few months you've become feeble, the only good thing about you is that you're an improvement on George W Bush. But then, so is any 5 year-old.

'The sun will rise tomorrow', the President announced, 'and then I will say - America is not being used by Europeans to fight their dirty wars', to much laughter across Europe and the Middle East, 'just as the US is not, I hasten to add for the children back home, at war with Islam.'

'That's why Americans are dying in the British colonies of Iraq and Afghanistan. And that's why we funded Saddam Hussein to try and wipe Iran off the face of the world. And keep firing rockets at Pakistan. And help Israelis mass-murder Palestinians. No, my fellow infants, America is not being used by Europeans, and is not at war with Islam.'

Next week, the USA DID defeat Vietnam, the USA DID enter two World Wars right at the start, rather than wait til the British had basically won them, Americans DON'T just do what Israel tells them, and the cabbage patch dolls rule the White House. They'd make a better job of it than any American.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more