Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 6 April 2009


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Pavement Princess Arrested For Having An Illegal Stimulus Package
New Jersey streetwalker Maraca Allegretto shown drinking on the job (photo courtesy of Dick "The Dick" Cheney).

HOBOKEN, New Jersey - A local prostitute has been arrested by Hoboken police for plying her trade with an illegal stimulus package.

Maraca Allegretto, 24, told police that she is just a simple, hard-working, quasi-law-abiding citizen who is trying to do her part for the nation's downward spiraling economic situation.

Police officer, Ted Flugelhorn said that he was parked at the corner of Frank Sinatra Street and Avenue Z when he observed Ms. Allegretto engaging in an engaging situation with Myron Norbert Modesto, 43, a banker from The Universal University Bank & Trust Agency.

Flugelhorn said that he walked up to Modesto's 2009 Hummer and noticed that Ms. Allegretto was checking out something that was in the vicinity of Modesto's lap.

Upon closer observation officer Flugelhorn was able to state for the record that Modesto was handing some money over to Ms. Allegretto.

Modesto admitted to Flugelhorn that he had in fact used some federal bailout money to pay for the stimulus package services of Ms. Allegretto.

As Wolf Blitzer recently reported on his program, President Barack Obama has stated in no uncertain terms that bailout money will not be used to purchase beer, cigarettes, CD's, DVD's, caviar, pedicures, or sex.

And violators will be dealth with accordingly. As the president said, "We cannot on one hand, hand out bailout money to these rich, whining corporate individuals and then sit idly by and watch as the SOB's use the other hand to hand over bailout money to some undeserving streetwalkers, sluts, strumpets, or ho's."

In other news. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is getting ready to release her fourth book. It is titled, Black Rice. In chapter 17, Rice writes that Michelle Obama may be the "First Mama" as in First Lady, but that she (C.R.) was actually the "First Mama" as in the first Black woman in the presidential cabinet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more