Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

image for Rejected License Plate Slogans
The Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Automotive Musuem (showing damage from Hurricane Bubba)

I recently traveled to Kalamazoo, Michigan where the largest automotive museum in the world is located.

The Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Automotive Museum which is just about as big as Rhode Island and Dodge City, Kansas put together was established in 1975 with a subsidy grant from The Ulysses S. Grant Ford Lincoln Subsidy Grant Foundation.

I had a nice visit with the museum's curator, Pibble Tattlebasket. He informed me that one of the most popular museum exhibits is The Rejected License Plate Slogans Hall.

This extensive display is located between The Distributor Cap Exhibit and The Windshield Wiper Display.


1. Illinois - "Remember The 'S' Is Slient"

2. Oklahoma - "The Gateway To Texas"

3. Idaho - "Just Turn Left At Wyoming"

4. New York - "#%^@$*!"

5. Alaska - "A Snowmobile Dealership on Every Corner"

6. Ohio - "We've Got Kitchen Matches Up The Allegeny!"

7. North Dakota - "We're The One On Top"

8. South Dakota - "We're The One On The Bottom"

9. Florida - "The Land of Citrus, Sun, Sand, and Cellulite"

10. Massachusetts - "We're The Most Misspelled State in The Nation"

11. New Jersey - "...and So Are The Pants"

12. California - "6.3"

13. Rhode Island - "You Better Not Blink"

14. Wyoming - "Please Watch Out For The Buffalo Droppings"

15. Texas - "Home of The Spurs, The Cowboys, The Astros, The Rockets, and George W. Bush (Well Four Out of Five Ain't Bad)"

16. Maine - "Where A Lot of Canadians Come To Have Their Affairs"

17. Louisiana - "If Mosquitoes Were Nickels, We'd Have Billions and Billions of Nickels"

18. Wisconsin - "Yes, We've Got Quesadillas"

19. Colorado - "Our State May Be Square, But We're Not"

20. Iowa - "Corn Goes With Everything"

(CREDITS: I'd like to thank Misty Tattlebasket (Pibble's beautiful 21-year-old daughter) for personally driving me around the museum in the golf cart. I'd like to thank Gretchen Puzzlepit for the delicious grunion smothered in gorgonzola hors d'oeuvres, and thanks also to Charlotte B. Noddypole the museum's ticket counter clerk for graciously waving the $7 admission fee. And lastly I would like to express my thanks to Lolly 'Magic Thighs' Bingbuffer for that fantastically unbelievable lap dance back in September of 2006 at Laredo's Casa de Las Lap Dancing Muchas Muchachas Bar & Grill). -ALFREDO F. TATTLEBASKET

This article entitled 'Thanks But No Thanks' by Alfredo F. Tattlebasket will be appearing in the October issue of Lug Nuts Digest Automotive Magazine.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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