Miley's Secret Romance Revealed
After the police raided nineteen year old Josh Holly, who allegedly hacked into Miley Cyrus's Gmail account and stole provocative photos, it was revealed after thorough search that the pair have in fact been secretly dating. Fifteen year old Miley...
Read full storyChav culture moves to US
News from the American colony seems to indicate that one of the candidates has chosen his pit bull terrier as a running mate in the up coming territory elections. Official reaction has been reserved but it is felt that this may be a step too far.
Read full storyMotor racing announces new rules
The FIAye? (Ferrari International Association) today announced new rules today intended to increase crowd interest and attendance at future races. In a move that will be introduced, ahead of schedule, at the Brazillian GP, any "home" driver will b...
Read full storyA Millwall Brick: How To Make One
When I talk to people about football, and the 'old days', the conversation invariably comes around to violence, or perceived violence, because, a lot of the time, it just never happened. Lots of running around, posturing, arm-waving and shouting, yes...
Read full story"Racist, Redneck, Real Readneck" PA. Residents Respond to Murtha: Congressman Dickhead!
Hershey,Pa - Outraged Pennsylvania Constituents responded to their Congressional Representative John "Unindicted Abscam Co-Conspirator" Murtha's derogatory remarks about them in unprecedented fury. The former Car Wash Owner and Marine Drill Serg...
Read full storyHandbag Violence Endemic, Says Government Minister
As an epidemic of handbag violence sweeps the UK a government minister, Doctor Derek Vasectomy has announced. 'This is probably the greatest challenge that any government has faced since prohibition in the USA.' said the minister. 'We are faced wi...
Read full storyNew Guy Ritchie Movie Rewritten to Include More Pop Star Death Scenes
Guy Ritchie has delayed post-production on his latest movie and ordered a series of last-minute rewrites to the as-yet-untitled period drama. Industry insiders had previously praised Ritchie for his "change of direction", when it was announced tha...
Read full storyHands Off Our Ronny, Sir Alex Warns Arthur Pewty
In what can only be described as an atmosphere so tense you could cut it with a blowtorch at the Old Trafford press room this afternoon, Sir Alex Ferguson issued the following statement: 'Ladies and gentlemen, we have been hearing reports that al...
Read full storyArthur Pewty Denies Global Domination Plot
In yet another dramatic doorstep interview, Neasden hard-man, gangster, and notorious underworld crime kingpin, Arthur Pewty, 53, earlier today denied being involved in a plot to secure total global domination for himself and his wife, the glamorous...
Read full storyFate Of Historic HMS Victory Secured
The fate of the historic "HMS Victory", the famous flagship of Lord Nelson and symbol of British Naval might has been secured in a historic deal today. Fears that the condition of the ship might deteriorate, following an admission by Royal Navy ch...
Read full storyQueen in slovenly state visit
London - (Ass Mess): Wearing a hideous turquoise crimpelene and regurgitated black split-beaver pelt ensemble remoulded from three former Norman Hartnell outfits the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch arrived in Ljubljana today for the start of a four day slove...
Read full storyOsborne: "I didn't ask oligarch for sex!"
London - (Kerb-crawling Mess): Former Bullingdon Club toff and Tory shadow chancellor George Osborne has has hit out at reports that he solicited Russian oligarch Oleg Derry-Press-Carr and has said it was the billionaire slimebag who offered him fift...
Read full storyWho really are native Indians
Indians are originally from China as we have the same drinking gene besides same hair/eye color. I used to tell my date I'll not be responsible after the second drink. Chinese walked across the Arctic from China to America - at one time it could be frozen to link the two continents. Some were lazy not to go further south and they became Eskimos. Some went further and they became Indians, and so...
Read full story"Top Gear" Show Causes More Controversy!
Producers have strongly denied that the latest feature to appear on the popular motoring show "Top Gear" will be harmful to the environment. Previous features on the programme have included a dog vs car race across the unblemished and pure wastes...
Read full storyBarrak Obama hands presidency to James McGeorge!
In shock revelations, the BBC revealed that James McGeorge residing in North Wales is in fact GOD, the messiah, the father, son and holy ghost, Buddha, Allah, Osiris, Thor, Neptune aka Poseidon, to name but a few, has been offered the us presidency b...
Read full storyInvestment in maths working 120%
After a £350million boost to the eduction of maths and science in the UK, the signs are encouraging that it is working. "Last year we saw a seven percent increase in students enrolling on maths courses," John Denham, secretary for Universities sa...
Read full storyRob Styles To Use Dice
Rob Styles, the terrible referee, has come up with an ingenious plan to improve his pathetic decision-making, and to make him an all-round better referee - he is to take a dice onto the pitch. Not normally part of the referee's weaponry, the dice...
Read full storyWoman, 89, Busted for Keeping Kids' Balls
Blue Tick, Ohio - An 89 year old Ohio woman faces charges of petit theft and grievous bodily harm after being arrested for keeping neighbourhood children's balls. Edna Gonads was taken into custody by Blue Tick sheriff's deputy, Barney Fife, over...
Read full storyTaco Bell, Burger King Products Questioned by FDA
On the heels of recent federal action taken against some fast-food restaurants for a lack of nutritional information on product packaging, the Food and Drug Administration is now targeting misleading product names as featured by many of these same fo...
Read full storyJohn Mayer Releases New Sappy Album
Titled "Girls I Haven't Had", the new John Mayer CD is set for release this Christmas. Teaming up with a new Irish-born producer, Liam Dikliss, Mayer started on the new project in the Spring of 2008 after notching five more Hollywood starlets on the...
Read full storyGrauniad newspaper justifies Jorg Haider/Princess Diana comparison
The Grauniad newspaper has today admitted why it compared the death of Austrian politician Jorg Haider to that of the sad death of Princess Diana. The politician was on the far right in Austria. In fact, according to the Austrian police, speaking...
Read full storyCuba and Columbia Develop New Hybrid Cigar
Two cash crops normally outlawed in the United States will be combined to produce a new hybrid cigar called the "Cuban Fatty". While the U.S. has outlawed certain agricultural product imports from the countries of Cuba and Columbia, Cuba has no...
Read full storyGordon's N.W.O. Lost In The Post.
After mentioning how he thinks the current financial, environmental and war on terror crisis can all be used as a way to bring in a New World Order, numerous times with all his counterpart globalists around the world, Gordon Brown finally placed an o...
Read full storyImpeachment Case no. 652 filed against Philippines' President Gloria Arroyo
Opposition groups in the Republic of the Philistines have yet again filed their regular weekly impeachment complaint against President Gloria Buwaya Arroyo, but admitted to the media they still have more chance of shoving butter up a porcupine's arse with a red hot knitting needle than achieving their sworn objective. Arroyo has fended off impeachment complaints like a Jedi Knight wielding a li...
Read full storyAlan Carr Not Really Gay
Gay leaders have voiced their concerns tonight, over the revelations that TV's 'funniest' gay comedian, Alan Carr, isn't really gay at all, but actually a screaming closet heterosexual. Carr, 32, has been around the comedy scene since 2001, and ha...
Read full storyScientists killed 'Nazi' politician!
It was revealed today that bored scientists were responsible for the death of of far right politician Jorg Haider. Frustrated that their big magnet experiment beneath the French-Swiss border had been halted prematurely earlier this year, they dec...
Read full storyBank: "Take the Sons of Bitches"... for Every Farthing!
A leading bank, despite receiving a giant bailout, is telling its employees that a bonus bonanza is still in the offing! The unscrupulous "corpse-oration" (which literally means a prayer over a dead body) has joined many multinationals in continu...
Read full storyAmericans and Their Allies Want the SAP Out ASAP!
A plethora of plans are being hatched to get "W"orst off the US and world stage as fast as possible. The Mafia has volunteered to resurrect their Kennedy Hit Squads. Putin offered to renew the contracts of KGB killers. The FBI and CIA have presen...
Read full storyArchaeology Journal "Dig, baby, Dig" Announces Jerusalem Find: Jesus Donated Body and Blood
Who knew that This is My Body and This is My Blood would become not only the words of consecration in the Roman Catholic Liturgy of the Eucharist but also the title of a scientific paper in a professional archaeological journal called: Dig, baby, Dig...
Read full story60's Rockstar Donovan Re-releases Hit with Palin Twist: Season of the Bitch!
Conservatives across the US of A have attacked McCain's VPILF. David Brooks has called her poison. Magniloquent Bill Buckley's son, Christopher has endorsed Obama rather than side with the likes of the Alaskan anti-intellectual and keep his job a...
Read full storyTodd and Sarah Palin Strip Searched; Something Really Big and Thorny Found Up Both Their Arses!
Alaskan Ethics Investigator, Branchflower told the Palins to bend over and crack a smile in imitation of the Repub icon Joe the tax fraud, unlicensed plumber. Branchflower, a name Conan Doyle could not have invented, gloved up and did a GI explorator...
Read full storySanta Claus copies Ringo Starr and tells kids 'no more mail...and f$!* off'!'
Santa Claus has had enough. He has told children (who are our future), to piss off, in a 'Ringo Starr' styled unprovoked ranting tirade. Self-centred kiddies of the world, were shocked to see a grumpy, bearded, drunken, and tired-looking 'Santa...
Read full storyMadonna Ends Her Marriage And Her 'Stinky and Sweaty' Tour
Slippery Rock, PA-- Madonna ended her pathetic 'Stinky and Sweaty' tour today at the Slippery Rock Arena. No one bothered to show up for the free concert anyway. The has-been whore had no plans for the future. Her husband, Guy Smegma, is also divor...
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