John Mayer Releases New Sappy Album

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

image for John Mayer Releases New Sappy Album
Women Overcome by Another Sappy John Mayer CD

Titled "Girls I Haven't Had", the new John Mayer CD is set for release this Christmas. Teaming up with a new Irish-born producer, Liam Dikliss, Mayer started on the new project in the Spring of 2008 after notching five more Hollywood starlets on the left-front post of his solid Oak headboard.

After Mayer came up with the idea for the album, he hired Dikliss because of his success producing similar love ballad projects for Cher, Barbara Streisand and Boy George.

Critics in his own band reportedly pleaded with Mayer not to produce another "whiny set of love songs", but Mayer responded by firing anyone who was not on board for the project. "I don't have time for doubting Thomas band members, I know what my audience wants and I'm just the guy to give it to them. I'm going to give it to them hard." Mayer told reporters.

Record Industry insiders loved the play on words from Mayer's press conference and the name of the album as well. Myron Weinbergstein from 'Punk Ass Records' says, "It's a great marketing tool. Make it sound like there might be a list of girls Mayer is looking to boink, and release it. Even if the quality is crap, millions of girls are going to buy it. Of course we'll have our own Rap title coming out soon called "Mother Fu@<ing Bitc}{$ I Need to Fu@<."

Fans didn't seem to care about the controversy surrounding Mayer's release. Long time fan club member, Stella Vergen was quoted to say, "I love John. I love everything about John. His hair, his eyes, his boyish smile. I'll be buying three copies, just because." Weinbergstein commented, "Fans like her will have to buy multiple copies for it to be a success, because there isn't a heterosexual male on the planet that will."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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