Woman With Bee In Her Bonnet Gets Her Comeuppance
A Sussex woman who constantly displayed an attitude of arrogance, and who was described as having "a bee in her bonnet", has received her comeuppance, and been brought back down to earth with a severe bump. The woman, Violet Brash, from Brighton,...
Read full storyCamilla's nude pix go missing - were to have been part of 60 gifts for Prince Charles' birthday
LONDON: Camilla Parker-Bowles -AKA - the Duchess of Cornwall's plans to surprise her husband with 60 different gifts on his 60th birthday came a cropper when it was discovered that a book containing nude pictures of the Duchess has gone AWOL. The...
Read full storySpurs The Subject Of New Shakespearian Tragedy
Tottenham Hotspur, the Premier League football team who just don't know how to win, are to be the subjects of a newly-discovered Shakesperian tragedy to be performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company at Stratford-upon-Avon. The play, as yet untitle...
Read full storyObama to Shaft Palin?
New York charity givers were shocked by the antics of presidential candidates, Senators John McCain and Barak Obama, who whilst attending the annual Al Smith fund-raising dinner decided to swap stiff-neck politics for joking and japes. Senator McC...
Read full storyDavid Blaine responsible for the credit crunch
David Blaine today revealed that the 'Credit Crunch' was his greatest illusion to date. The weirdo magician was said to be laughing on the other side of his face (a trick he perfected in 1998) at the turmoil in the global money markets. "I simp...
Read full storyRingo's refusal to sign autographs causes postal chaos
Top Beatles drummer Ringo Starr's dramatic refusal to sign autographs from October 20th has created chaos at his local postal sorting office. "It's OK for him to make such a statement but what happens when he has a recorded delivery?" said Ivor Pa...
Read full storyHull Fans' Protest Gathers Pace
Following today's routine 1-0 defeat of West Ham at the KC Stadium, a small but dedicated group of supporters stayed behind to voice their displeasure at the running of the club. Shouts of "Sack the Board" and "Brown Out" could be clearly heard as...
Read full storyParis Hilton discovered to have a brain
The results of tests on Paris Hilton, a woman from an exceedingly wealthy famly who own a chain of ludicrously expensive bed and breakfast joints, have today revealed that she has in fact got a brain. Up to now, despite signs of life, medical expe...
Read full storyNobel Prize for Literature won by Obscure Scribbler
His name is totally unknown in Britain, the United States and other similarly-remote parts of the Third World. Aye, a name rarely mentioned, unless in whispers, anywhere else around the globe, and especially not in polite company. The odd Albatros...
Read full storyKeith Richards in dead mystery
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards was left red faced when he had a medical for a new life insurance policy. It appears that the legendary rocker had been dead for at least 15 years. Keith said "I had a strange feeling in my chest back in...
Read full storyNew form of rehab for Wino-PCD!
It seems Amy Winehouse has agreed to join the pussycat dolls rehab centre for a while. This centre is surprisingly famous helping transform the budding stars of todays generation into respectable 'hoochie mamas' and 'strippers', this includes both...
Read full storyArthur Pewty - The Musical
Plans were announced today for the release of Arthur Pewty - The musical. West end producer Andrew Lloyd Shredder said that an outline had been prepared and that casting would begin shortly, and that the show should be hitting the provinces early...
Read full storyWitch Crash Lands at Heathrow
A 98 year-old hag from Manchester has crashed her beloved broom at London's busy Heathrow airport today. She lost control of her 1892 'Besom' Mk 4 after being involved with a near miss with an Air Emirates, Boeing 747 inbound from Dubai. Zelda H...
Read full storyHull City Back Up To Third After Despatching West Ham
Hull City, everyone's favourites for relegation, are back up to third place in the Premier League tonight after beating cash-strapped West Ham 1-0 at the KC Stadium this afternoon. In front of a record 24,896 crowd, Hull dominated the early stages...
Read full storyObama Loses Erection - Moves to Japan to be Enka Singer
Tokyo, Japan - Baro, real name Barrack Obama, is now to be found in Tokyo as an aspiring enka singer. "I never would have entered the presidential race if I thought there was a chance of me losing my erection," explained Baro, in his newly acquired J...
Read full storyAncent piece of dried shit discovered in Stockbrokers pocket
Wall Street came to a standstill last week when a stockbroker discovered that his pocket was full of shit. The markets briefly closed as the ensuing panic spread to other traders fearing that they too may be full of shit. One eyewitness said it...
Read full storyNovember 4th Saturn/Uranus clash heralds Bush/Gore post-election chaos
Washington AC/DC - (Cosmic Mess): Astrologers are warning US voters to expect this year's presidential election to be mired in the same chaos as the Hanging Chad fiasco that blighted the Gore/Bush disaster of 2000. The November 4th clash between t...
Read full storyKim Jong-Very-Ill-Indeed announcement on Monday
Pyongyang - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): North Korean party officials are poised to announce that their beloved leader Kim Jong-Very-Ill-Indeed has died from a congenital disease caught from his birth mother the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch. Kim, 69, has...
Read full storyObama Introduces "Tim the Fornicator" To Counter "Joe the Plumber" to Endose Economic Plan!
Palm Beach, Fl / Palm Beach Post - Burned by a recent impromptu interview with now famous "Joe the Plumber", Obama has countered with "Tim the Fornicator" to explain his socialistic strategy for "Spreading the Wealth Around" amidst GOP criticism!...
Read full storyProblems with Madonna divorce
There are reports today that there have been major problems with Madonna's impending divorce, in particular with the ramifications as to what might happen to the child. Madonna - real name Mary - has come in for firece criticism from the Roman aut...
Read full storyMadonna running for VP
In a late reverse of fortune, Barack Obama has decided to dump his Presidential side kick Joe Biden in favour of veteran pop personality Madonna. Obama received a phone call late yesterday from the Queen of Sleaze indicating that she has more tim...
Read full storyBoy George Wanted For Questioning Over Jill Dando M*rder
The new name on policemen's lips with regard to the m*rder of TV presenter Jill Dando is singer, producer and well-known Cokemeister, Boy George, it has been assumed...by me. George, real name Dowd O'Boy, has escaped the attention of the police fo...
Read full storyHeart attack plan 'to save mone....erm...lives'
The UK government announced via the medium of dance today that they are going to introduce a 'cold standard' of treatment in London for heart attack patients. 'We've given up really' said Health Minister Lord Arid Carzi. "In London alone, a 5% c...
Read full storyPrinces go on Goodies Bike Ride - Goodies, goodie-goodie-yum-yum!
Royal Princes William and Harry are in the media again, not for hitting a journalist or for any more deaths in their family, but because they've been given their very own television show. The slapstick show, provisionally titled Windsors!, will se...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Disqualified After China GP Win!
Following his emphatic victory in the Chinese Grand Prix, British racing driver Lewis Hamilton has seen joy turn to despair after being disqualified and relegated to last place by Grand Prix officials, following the end of the race. The Officials...
Read full storyObamarama hits full stride as Obama ads sweep the US
Senator Barack Obama is days away from breaking all advertising spending records set by major movie studios when launching crap movies. He may also exceed the theretofore-unrivalled price tag of the previous presidential election, purchased by former...
Read full storyHomosexuals are made of Cheese CoE Shocker
The Church of England scientific home investigations team can reveal gays are made of cheese. S.H.I.T. Has spent over 300 years investigating homosexuality and invested over 600 sugar lumps of God's money to prove that homosexuals are made of ch...
Read full storyGeneral Odious Odierno Derails US- Iraqi Security Agreement!
An Iraqi- US security agreement has faced innumerable obstacles throughout the months long negotiations. Problems involving Kurds, Iraqi Christians, Sunnis, and nineteen flavors of Shiites have gummed up the gears of ant progress toward agreement bet...
Read full storyRays out Spit Red Sox to no Avail
Tampa Bay, FL - UPDATE 1 - Actually, this story comes from St. Petersburg, Florida. It is not clear why the baseball team bears the initials TB on their caps. The TB team lost by two runs. They did manage to out-spit the Red Sox 532 to 345. How...
Read full storySarah Palin Rocks SNL in 'Mirror, Mirror' Skit with Tina Fey as Her Reflection!
The remarkable resemblance between comic Tina Fey and even more comical Sarah Palin has sent ripples of giggles across the otherwise not very funny political landscape this year. Humor whizkids at SNL have come up with a real winner by casting...
Read full storyHeavenly Little Stars Greet Paul Newman
Paul Newman was welcomed to Heaven by a group of fellow vertically impaired dead actors-including Charlie Chaplin, Richard Burton, Natalie Wood, Judy Garland and Alan Ladd, it's been learned. Newman entered the Pearly Gates through the Doggie Do...
Read full storyBush's Liquidity May Not Trickle Down On You
Following the Bush administration's massive bailout of the banking system, many economists are warning that the effort may have little effect on the overall economy, comparing the furtive start to the flow of liquidity, to some of the complications o...
Read full storyWetback Airlines: There's Pesos to Be Made Shipping Wetbacks Way Back Home!
While airlines around the world have been suffering like every other business from the Bush Worldwide Wipeout, one corporation of flyfolks has been raking in the masa. Wetback Airlines which specializes in shipping undocumented immigrants from...
Read full storyMcCain Finally Blames Palin For Low Poll Numbers
HOBOKEN, New York - Well it appears that the honeymoon between Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin is finally over. McCain speaking before a crowd gathered at Sinatra Park in Hoboken said that he is extremely disappointed at the latest r...
Read full storyHelen Clark Pregnant?
Rumours suggest that New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark could be carrying the child of her leading opposition John Key. The national party leader said he was extremely surprised when he heard the news. "It got out of hand. I didn't even know s...
Read full storyHow was DNA discovered?
On October 18, 1962, Drs. Watson, Crick, and Wilkins won the Nobel Prize for Medicine for work in determining DNA. At first, Watson and Crick had a lot of problems. Watson figured out "D," but didn't know what the hell to do with it. Then Crick accidentally stumbled upon the "N," but couldn't determine whether it should be "DN" or "ND." Then, one day, Wilkins who was emptying the boys' wa...
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