X Factor Simon Cowell Discovered Performing 'Outrageous Act' In Dressing Room
Simon Cowell, the leader of the X Factor panel of judges, is in hot water with TV bosses tonight, after he was discovered performing, what has been described as, "an outrageous and disgusting act" in his dressing room after Saturday's show. Cowell...
Read full storyMr Bill's Autobiography Released
Ten surprises in the new autobiography, "Ohhh Nooo!" by Mr. Bill that few of us knew before: 1. NBC made him change his original trademark, "Oh Shit!" to "Oh No!" 2. First Name: Buffalo. 3. Started career as a stunt man for Gumby. 4. Once caught in police raid on backstreet Dilldough Can. 5. Best man for Gumby who recently married Tweety Bird in San Francisco. 6. Distant kin to...
Read full storyBristol Palin's fiancee running for Alaska senate
Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's fiancee and high school drop out believes he's qualified to run for the Alaska Senate. Judging by his future mother in law's whirlwind political career, Levi shouldn't have any problem reaching his dream. "A High...
Read full storyThe Story of "O" - Obama's Erotic Rise to Power: Sex, Whips, Submission and the Perversion of the Democratic Party!
Paris, France / Underground Times - Sophisticated Frenchmen are atwitter with this newly released Erotic Political Masterpiece detailing the unprecedented rise to power of a sex obsessed overachiever from the Veld of South Africa! Early reviews...
Read full storyQueen's seizure as Gorgon Brown nationalises royal bank
Buckingham Palace - (Northern Rock Bottom Mess): Palace flunkies were out with the smelling salts today after the Queen was told that royal bank Cunts & Co has been nationalised along with its parent company Royal Bank of Snotland. Old Fatty M...
Read full storyExplosive new memo reveals that after victory, President Obama plans to rename the 'White' House!
Explosive details have been uncovered in a secret Obama memo. In order to continue with his theme of "Change", following his inauguration and move into the White House, Barack Obama plans to use his Presidential power to rename the White House. A...
Read full storyEva Longoria-Parker and Jackie Chan's New Restaurant - 'The El Fortune Taco'
BEVERLY HILLS, California - Eva Longoria-Parker and Jackie Chan have just opened up a new restaurant in Beverly Hills. The $18.8 million restaurant named The El Fortune Taco is quite unique in that it it features an extensive food menu with a combination of Mexican/Chinese cuisine. Eva was interviewed and said, "Jackie and I first met last year at a San Antonio Spurs-Houston Rockets game. He w...
Read full storyFA Back Ashley Cole Boo Boys
The Football Asses (FA) have surprised football supporters by giving their full backing to the Wembley Boo Boys who constantly barracked Chelsea defender Ashley Cole during England's 5-1 win over Kazakhstan on Saturday. Cole made a horrendous erro...
Read full storyUS gives N Korea a big wet kiss
The United States has taken North Korea off its highly touted Terror Tally, claiming that the insular, rude, proto-nuclear country and its fanatical leader have long been misunderstood. This change coincidentally follows Kim Jong-il's $800 billi...
Read full storyRaw Sewage Threat to Booming Dubai
The once-pristine tropical beaches bordering the prestigious Dubai Yacht Club and neighbouring prime tourist hang-outs have recently become swamped in raw sewage. The putrid problem is caused by the illegal dumping of untre...
Read full storyVigilante Lacrosse Girls - Part 2
It was an affluent town. The revered measure of achievement was, of course, the car. There were big, impressive houses all over the place, sure; with three- and four-car garages, waterfall rock pools and hot tubs out back, granite kitchens, 3-inch pile carpet, Steven Spielberg autographed movie screens in the cavernous home theaters, and more. But what did the rich and successful spend their ti...
Read full storyIce Cube endorses, well um...ice cubes!
American rap star Ice Cube has announced that he is planning on endorsing a new range of ice cubes which are predicted to be in stores next month. The star, famous for hit songs such as 'check yo self' and 'today was a good day' announced the new...
Read full storyRabbi Threatened Over Chicken Ritual
A New York City rabbi has demanded police protection after receiving threatening emails from PETA (People for Elevated Touting of Animals) after the yearly ritual slaughter of chickens before Yom Kippur, in atonement for all of New York's recent horr...
Read full storyMcCain: Having Survived Torture Key Issue In 2008
At a campaign dinner in Virginia Beach, Virginia, republican presidential candidate John McCain identified "having survived being tortured for over five years," as THE key issue in the upcoming November presidential election. "Look at my opponent...
Read full storyRingo sick of being a Beatle, tells fans to p*ss off
Ringo, the 68-year-old 'former Beatle' and their forty-fifth choice for drummer, forcefully told reporters yesterday to stop referring to him as 'former Beatle' when referring to him in the news. "You people do realize The Beatles broke up in 1970...
Read full storyNYC hookers say business still great
New York City participants in the world's oldest profession barely notice the ups and downs of the market place, let alone the surges and let downs of worldwide financial institutions. Commented local professional Enticing Cherry: "Those wimps! T...
Read full storyGas price marks biggest drop ever
The price of a barrel of oil is falling so fast that to keep their oil wells pumping, Saudi Arabian oil ministers have hastily created a plan to pay motorists at the pump. Soon, when you go to get gas, you'll stick in your ATM and fill that up as w...
Read full storyVanna White, Pat Sajak May Boycott Show
Hollywood, California- Pat Sajak and Vanna White have demanded that the United States government totally take over U.S. banks or face a boycott of their show, Wheel of Fortune, which would result in millions of U.S. citizens and tens of millions ille...
Read full storyNew "get rich quick with minimal work" scheme hailed a complete success
A new "get rich without doing any work" scheme, previously favoured by pyramid sellers, multi-level marketers, email spammers and Bettaware, has been hailed as the latest 'British Success' by the CBI, who, to quote TV celebrity Vicky Pollard, "don't...
Read full storyJamie Lynn Spears Pregnant Again, Expecting Second Child Three Months After Birth of First
Teen mother and actress Jamie Lynn Spears is once again pregnant, just three months after the birth of her first baby. The 17 year old left her cable television series, and will apparently not be going back any time soon. When asked to verify her...
Read full storyRichard 'beats' Judy across the face, with a string of sausages 'every day' shocker!
The Daily Scum can reveal Richard Madefortv regularly beats his screen wife Judy with a string of sausages. The obnoxious despot also throws their baby out of the window at regular intervals. TV medical mad-man, Dr Harold Shipmam says "Richard is...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Selects Location For Presidential Library
President George W. Bush, who will leave office within 100 days, has selected a site for his Presidential Library. The building will be located in the Dallas suburb of Irving and is easily accessible from several area freeways. "We done decided t...
Read full storyRingo Too Busy for Autographs
Former Beatle Ringo Starr (real name Harris Stilton) will no longer sign memorabilia for fans and has declared he intends to throw away all fan mail received in the future. Starr, who shares a birthday with Paddington Bear and is 168 today, stat...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeths Drunk Cousin in Shock Eviction
MSP's called today for the return of the rotten mouldy corpse of Mary Queen of Scots executed on the orders of caring cousin Lizzie in 1587. The Scottish money grabbing drunkard MPs, including Composer James MacMillan and Lib Dem MSP Hugh O'Donnel...
Read full storyMcCain and Palin Poll Surge
John McCain and Sarah Palin's popularity have surged in recent weeks when news of their previous exploits emerged. Whilst visiting his wife at her office in LA, McCain became embroiled in a terrorist plot. The terrorists were holding the employees...
Read full storyDirect TV Poltergeist Commercial Draws Complaints From Public
"They're here!" That's right, they are here. People complaining about the use of a scene from the 1982 movie Poltergeist in a Direct TV commercial. The scene features the late Heather O'Rourke sitting in front of a television set in her parent...
Read full storyWhite Hart Lane Burger Van To Sell Vegetable Samosas
Fans at White Hart Lane have been finding life hard to bear lately, with Tottenham rooted to the bottom of the Premier League table, but there was a new twist to the saga this morning when Ali Ashraf, the man who owns the burger van outside the groun...
Read full storyPaddington's Got a Brand New Bear
In celebration of the 50th birthday of Paddington Bear, the Cleavland Zoo announced today that they would be re-naming one of their bears, Paddington. His name up until now was Neil. Cleavland Zoo representative Barry Brown said that they had want...
Read full storyProstitution Rates Fall with Economy! Spitzer Takes Write-off for "Declining ASSETS!"
NY/NY The Working Girl Times - Former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer made financial news this week as he attempted to amend his 2007 tax returns and now take a "loss" on "entertainment and medical expenses!" The former "Client #9", caught in a prostit...
Read full storyAl Sharpton, Jesse Jackson Trigger Celestial Event
In an unprecedented an historic celestial event, the Earth stopped rotation on its axis for three tenths of one second after midnight last night. Seismic alarms were triggered across the globe as the stoppage in rotation caused an immediate shift in...
Read full storyNancy Grace Changes Hairstyles
On day 120 of her continuous search for the truth in the Caylee Anthony disappearance case, Nancy Grace has agreed to change her hair. Incapable of changing anything else on her questionably popular but sensationally scripted news broadcast, Ms...
Read full storyBob Geldof's daughter invents fraud-proof credit card system
Nectarines Geldof, the world famous moron impersonator, who shot to fame through, er, because, er, as a result of, er because of her daddy, has made two fantastic discoveries which may well rock all over the world (not in the same way as entertainers...
Read full storySo Not Over To You
In a surprise move, current Labour leader Gordon Brown has indicated that in the General Election, he will not be calling on the services of Mick Hucknall. Hucknall, the front man of Manchester-based stars, Simply Red, has been involved in every l...
Read full storyRepublican Daughters of the American Revolution Riot in the Streets After Palin Keynote at their Convention!
Call them straight-laced, dowdy and aristocratic if you wish but after listening to Sarah Palin's campaign of hate speech, the little old ladies became firebrands in the image their revolutionary ancestors. Bostonians have rarely seen elderly ric...
Read full storyPalins Voted Most Vengeful Family in Alaska!
"The Vengeance is Mine saith the Lord" (but I need all the help I can get!) Society of Alaska has named the Palin family its most vengeful this year. In the award ceremony, Veangeance High vigilante, Hunter Down-Ankill cited the Alaskan family's acco...
Read full storyPalin Stripped to Get Hated Former Brother-in-Law Fired!
They say that Sarah Palin was so desperate to get her sister's former husband fired that she stripped for every official who could can the SOB. Attached photo purportedly taken by the Wasilla Trash Commissioner, "Flies" McGinty, was shown to the...
Read full storyAustralian Student Visit to UK Goes Awry
London - In a rare case of geocentric inertia topsy-turvy brought on by jet-lag a group of school children visiting London from Australia have been unable to reorientate themselves to the northern hemisphere. School spokesman Nigel Penthrope says...
Read full storyIceland auctioned off on eBay to highest bidder
Reykjavik, Iceland - The Icelandic parliament met this week in the capital of Reykjavik to discuss their financial predicament. The Icelandic Prime Minister, Geir Haarde, has gone over several options to fix the financial crises in Iceland. One op...
Read full storyGovernment Raise Age of Consent to 20
The government in United Kingdom are trying to push the legal age that a person can have sex to 20. Last Thursday the prime minister and the government spoke in the house of commons about this subject. They believe its a good idea and may help to...
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