Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 13 October 2008

image for FA Back Ashley Cole Boo Boys
FA headquarters today

The Football Asses (FA) have surprised football supporters by giving their full backing to the Wembley Boo Boys who constantly barracked Chelsea defender Ashley Cole during England's 5-1 win over Kazakhstan on Saturday.

Cole made a horrendous error in executing a calamitous backpass which split the sleeping England defence, and presented an opportunity for Kazakh striker Zhambyl Kukeyev to bring his team back into the game at 2-1.

Thereafter, the ex-Arsenal left-back was jeered every time he touched the ball, something that the media have been quick to pick up on.

But the FA are having none of it.

Spokesman, Ernest Dribble, said:

"They are like overpaid primadonnas these days. They receive extraordinary sums of money for doing very little, and expect fans to stay quiet when they do not perform well.

"Ashley Cole made a terrible hash of that backpass, and he is very arrogant. His behaviour towards referees, as well as fans, typifies this.

"There was the 'tapping-up' thing with Chelsea whilst he was still an Arsenal player, the claims about a homosexual orgy with a DJ, and a string of alleged affairs, all whilst being married to that gorgeous X Factor bird, Cheryl. He earns £60,000 a week - that's £300million a year! And he can't take a bit of booing? He's a real piece of work!"

The FA have also ordered England coach Fabio Capello to leave Cole out of Wednesday's squad to face Belarus in Minsk, in a bid to avoid a repeat of the booing.

One England fan who heard the news, Rocky Gibbs, of Nottingham, said:

"I pay my money to watch football, and if I see an arrogant, bigheaded, Southern nancy-boy, who allegedly takes it up the cackpipe, cheats on his gorgeous wife, and drains fans' pockets to the tune of £60k per week, I'll boo. It's my right as a fan."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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