Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 13 October 2008

image for X Factor Simon Cowell Discovered Performing 'Outrageous Act' In Dressing Room
Not Gin yesterday

Simon Cowell, the leader of the X Factor panel of judges, is in hot water with TV bosses tonight, after he was discovered performing, what has been described as, "an outrageous and disgusting act" in his dressing room after Saturday's show.

Cowell, 64, was heard by security guards "making an awful racket" and thrashing around in his boudoir. When the guards broke down the door, they found Cowell and a goat, which he was stroking.

Security chief, Ron Turgoose, told us:

"They were there, the two of them, dancing and prancing around to music like a couple of idiots! The chairs were all broken and there was something sticky on the walls."

Police were called after it was thought Mr Cowell might have been 'up to no good' with the animal, but, as luck would have it, it turned out that there was a quite innocent explanation.

Cowell and his 'partner' were re-enacting the routine of Britain's Got Talent hopefuls Kate & Gin, the odd girl with the 'dancing' dog, who wowed audiences with their sparkling act recently.

Cowell was known to be a huge fan of the double act.

Another of the security guards, Kevin Divv, said:

"I watched that Kate & Gin. They were outrageous and disgusting!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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