Darling asks TV magicians to conjure up money
A Government committee, set up to identify innovative ways of boosting Britain's faltering economy, has presented its first idea to Chancellor Alastair Darling. Mr Darling unveiled the plan yesterday. Paul Daniels and Derren Brown will be invi...
Read full storySecret service agents take Obama to gym
Washington, D.C.* - Secret service agents on their way to the gym early yesterday morning, spotted a tall, lean black man running through the streets of Washington. Recognizing that he was none other than President-elect Barack Obama out jogging...
Read full storyObama chooses cabinet
President-elect Barack Obama has appointed his new cabinet, with an emphasis on reflecting the multi-racial nature of American society. His new head of Homeland Security is BA Baracas, who has promised to "pity the fool" who dares to threaten Amer...
Read full storyMichelle Obama - The Nation's New 'First Mama'
CHICAGO, Illinois - Michelle Obama's husband has achieved what millions of Republicans, white collar workers, silk collar workers, KKK's, XYZ's, military families, NASCAR fans, rodeo fans, carnival sideshow workers, and holier-than-thou preachers nev...
Read full storyBarack Obama's White House Basketball Court: 'The First Mama Arena'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President-elect Barack Obama was asked by ABC's Charlie Gibson what immediate changes he plans on making to his new future home, The White House. Obama smiled and said "Well first of all, I will be having the presidential bowlin...
Read full storyObama Straps On Beard & Looks Like Osama!
After conning the US with the false hope of change for the better, Barrack Obama today strapped on a false bushy beard and dressed himself a in turban during his press conference. 'There you go,' he told us and the other shocked reporters that wer...
Read full storyMan not related to Voltaire
Today a ginger man from London was exposed as a fraud by a quick witted news editor. Dan Bellamy (41) from Cakeminster, West London had been misleading colleagues for years by telling them that the great French philosopher and essayist Voltaire (Fran...
Read full storyMcCain should have chosen Miley Cyrus instead - Bush
George Bush has come down hard on failed Republican Presidential candidate John McCain for making the wrong decision when it came to picking a running mate. The President was quoted as saying that McCain chose the wrong woman and would have been b...
Read full storyZac Efron smacks Vanessa Hudgens' Ass
High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron has got himself in trouble after he was accused of smacking co-star Vanessa Hudgen's donkey. Hudgens invited Efron around to show him her camel toe - just own of many sick animals with foot problems tha...
Read full storyEPA Shuts Down FDA
TOXIC BOG, New Jersey - In a stunning development today, the EPA obtained an injunction from the Supreme Court shuttering the FDA, a prominent part of the United States Government. Dazed FDA officials wandered about the streets, looking for a gove...
Read full storyObama To Address Rising Unemployment With REALLY Big Cabinet
(Chicago-Illinois) President-elect Barack Obama wasted no time during his first press conference addressing both the Nation's rising unemployment and staffing his cabinet is one turn. His cabinet will be headed by Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and "415...
Read full storyJonathan Ross suggests music playlist for Mrs Obama
Overpaid BBC presenter and owner of an extremely bad hair style, Jonathan Ross, is in the ordure again, this time for suggesting an innapropriate playlist in an ansaphone message left to greet the incoming first American lady Michele Obama. In his...
Read full storyObama Returns Berlusconi's Compliment - Sends 2-for-1 Coupon for BK Wopper
Guapos, Italy - Italian leader, Silvio Berlusconi, found himself in the middle of a racism row following comments he made referring to American President-elect Barack Obama as "young, handsome, and even tanned." Berlusconi, 72, made the remarks to...
Read full storyGerrard: "My dream for 2012"
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has revealed his desire to compete as a member of the British team at the London 2012 Olympic Games. During the post-match press conference following Liverpool's 1-1 draw with Atlético Madrid in the Champions Leagu...
Read full storyNASA to name latest giant black hole discovery after Michelle Obama
Outer Space - (Humunguous Ass Mess): NASA has proposed naming its latest scientific phenomenon discovery 'Mrs O' after First Lady-Elect Mrs Obama. Hubble Telescope's ground-based Hawaii HQ staff detected the Schwarzschild-type black hole (that fam...
Read full storyNude David Hasselhoff Leaves Impression on Florida Beach
Following a trend of former popular actors pandering to the paparazzi for publicity, David Hasselhoff was captured on video casually strolling nude on one popular beach in southern Florida. Making no attempt to hide his identity, Hasselhoff reported...
Read full storyCruise Hopped up like some Crazy Jigger Jagger
Hollywood icon Tom Cruise was, according to witnesses, "hopped up like some bennied up whirlygig, like a crazy jigger jagger" on a recent trip to a local Hollywood eatery. According to Dirk Bingers, a local actor and parking valet, Cruise...
Read full storyPalin ditched by AIP
In a surprise move that has sent shockwave across the political spectrum, the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP), which advocates an in-state referendum which includes the option of Alaska becoming an independent nation, has today announced that it is...
Read full storyGlobal warming shock
With the excitement of the US election and the credit crunch now occupying all media outlets, many have admitted that they made up global warming. "Yes we made it all up due to a lack of other news" stated media consultant Headly Line "It was goo...
Read full story£400 million royal Xmas coke deal busted
Cork, Ireland - (Ass Mess): One and a half tonnes of cocaine worth an estimated £400 million and bound for the London Xmas party scene has been seized off the west coast of Ireland after a seven month surveillance operation tracking Prince Charles' l...
Read full storyBudding Actor Serving Fries Part Time For Past 6 Months
Faron Dylan, (not his real name) who quit his job six months ago as an X-Ray Technicion to go full time into acting, has to dedicate himself to studying movies while lying on the couch watching old Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and reading old scripts...
Read full storyAstronomers Pronounce The Sun Dead
Washington DC-- The nation's top astronomers met behind closed doors with the president and military leaders at the White House this morning. The astronomers had grim news from Outer Space-- the sun is dead. It looks like it died on Election Day. T...
Read full storyMichigan Professionals Train for New Careers
After more than 20 years of being a viable career option for many booger-eating, geeky, social outcasts, the professionals who have chosen to work in the field of Information Technology are now as much of a unemployed commodity as their engineering b...
Read full storyPresident Obama admits his campaign was just for fun and resigns
Presidient Barak Obama has disappointed millions of voters by announcing today that running for President was 'just a laugh', and that he never actually expected to be elected to the White House. The new President said that he really only ran for...
Read full storySliced Bread Inventor found murdered
Police have named the thirteenth victim of "Judge Dead" as Dr Urnst Scourplug, the mad cap inventor of sliced bread. He died peacefully at his home whilst being hacked to death in a blood-lust attack by a mad axe-wielding killer. The killer, The Righ...
Read full storySpoof Board Meeting Runs Long
TheSpoof.com held its annual board of directors meeting Friday at a Central American retreat. Usually a half-hour affair betwixt heavy drinking binges, the meeting took over 12 hours due to infighting. Mark Lowton, CEO, Chairman of the Board, and...
Read full storyFormula One's Lewis Hamilton is Obama's Love Child
High Octane, England - America's president-elect Barack Obama, fresh from his landslide victory, is now faced with allegations that he fathered Formula One's World Champion, Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton, 23, the youngest ever Formula One champion and...
Read full storyIt's Official: Obama Buys Election $658m-$358M. Dems Set New Format for 2012!
Washington,DC/ Wall Street Journal - Even Barney Frank, House Banking Chairman, admitted the cost of buying the Presidency was too much! Frank and other Ultra Left Liberals are pushing through Congress a new set of rules for future elections that wi...
Read full storyBlack the NEW Black
In a sweeping phenomena, reported here first, black is the 'new black'. From booked tanning salons, skyrocketing subscriptions to Ebony and Jet media publications to 'booty enhancing shapewear'. Here to for strictly black products like Afro-sheen...
Read full storyPalin to lead English Football WAGs
At a hastily arranged press-conference, the English Football Association (FA) announced that Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin would be leading the much maligned Wives And Girlfriends (WAGs) of the England national football team. Palin fresh from her disa...
Read full storyNader in blackmail threat: vote for me or else
Wily veteran American pundit and regular Presidential candidate, Ralph Nader, has expressed anger at not being elected President on Tuesday and has threatened to stand at the next 27 Presidential polls until the American people get it right. Demo...
Read full storyThousands Flee DR Congo
Police are investigating several reports that patients at a health centre in Newcastle came under unprovoked attack from the General Practioner there, who threatened them with a machete and chased them into the street. The physician involved, Dr C...
Read full storyNazi Waffen SS Officer Arrested At Lowestoft Railway Station
More than 60 years after the end of the Second World War, it became apparent today, that society cannot afford to rest on its laurels and think that the past will never repeat itself, when a high-ranking officer of the Waffen SS was arrested at Lowes...
Read full storyTerrorist Organisation Splinters
Information is emerging from Interpol that the terrorist threat in Europe is increasing as Al Qaeda has fractured, with splinter organisations appearing. The reason for the split is due to an apparent argument over the spelling of Al Qaeda. The or...
Read full storyDoctors Kill Patients...Again!
In another shocking blunder, it was revealed today that doctors at 4 different hospitals in Kent failed to spot a patient whose head was completely decapitated from his body. 'It's absolutely disgusting' said a hospital cleaner this morning as she...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Plot Foiled
An Al Qaeda Terrorist plot has been foiled by the humble British Rail Transport platform attendant, claimed the British Rail Transport Authority (RTA). Earlier this year it was made illegal to stand on a platform and look shifty, which the RTA cla...
Read full story2020 - The Year Of The Woman President.
Newsdate, Year 2024 - Most political analysts look upon the 2012 Obama-Palin campaign as the start of the anarchy that now besets us. Originally known as the second great Obama campaign, Palin soon eclipsed her boss in popularity as was well-remembered by the 98% female majority in the House and Senate that became outlawed once she became President For Life in 2020. It had long been believed t...
Read full storyThe Candidates Attempt To Be Nice To Each Other
Having seen the effects of smear campaigning on the voters, the candidates made an agreement to only say nice things about each other at a recent meeting. "For a black guy you sure do talk well." offered McCain. "Senator McCain, you really do get around well for someone your age." stated Obama. "Mr. Biden, for a guy from Delaware, you are a pretty nice guy." said McCain. "Thank you. I...
Read full storyDebt Forces U.S. To Give Away States
The National Debt has reached $10 trillion. In an effort to pay off this enormous amount the Federal Government has started giving away States to our debtors overseas. The first to go was New Jersey to the Chinese who immediately sent in troops to take over the municipalities and factories and sealed the borders. All dissidents were put in prison and the secret police visited Bruce Springsteen...
Read full storyDo Canadians Really Exist?
Do Canadians really exist? Is there really such a whimsical folk who believe in such things as mounted police, plaid shirts, and wood burning stoves? Or are they simply a product of someone's over-inventive fantasy? As a child growing up in Wi…
Read full storyI Cannot Sneeze
I have a weird, unusual, condition. I continually get stuck sneezes. I get the urge to sneeze. I go AHHH but the Choo will not come. This has been happening almost everyday for about the last four years . I do occasionally complete a sneeze. It seems I finally sneeze just about the time I am totally out of my mind from not being able to do so. This all started one day when a friend who was talk...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Wants To Meet With Barack Obama
KARACHI, Pakistan - A reporter for The Karachi Afternoon Clarion-Examiner-Herald, Dashka Mingora, has stated that he received an email from Osama Bin Laden stating that he wants to meet with President-elect Barack Obama as soon as possible. Mingo...
Read full storyO.J. Simpson Escapes!
LAS VEGAS, Nevada - O.J. Simpson has escaped from The Clark County Detention Center. Warden Ontario Percell stated that Simpson escaped through the air conditioning vent in his jail cell. Percell said that he had first become a little suspicious w...
Read full storyBernie Ecclestone Diagnosed as Deaf, Dumb and Color Blind!
Formula One racing may begin to be called F-White if the rest of the so-called sport that employs motors follows Bernie Ecclestone's example. This season's star, Lewis Hamilton has had to endure consistent taunting and racist mockery in his unprecede...
Read full storyCindy McCain Forced To Sell One Of Her Mansions
PHOENIX, Arizona - The Arizona Daily-Journal-Times is reporting that Mrs. John McCain will have to put one of her seven mansions up for sale. Mrs. McCain told Regis Philbin that the cost of her husband's failed presidential campaign went way beyon...
Read full storyUK's Science Teachers Believe that Aslan the Lion Created the Universe!
A significant number of UK science teachers oppose the exclusion of intelligent design and creationist scio-mythology from the science curriculla in British schools. British Christian scientist I. Luv Dalord testified before Parliament that he...
Read full storyDoes Obama Want the Gropenator's Manly Man Paws on Energy policy?
While Ahnold campaigned for his Republican lanzmen, he has been in the avant-garde of energy awareness in California. This credential appears to have recommended the former sel-admitted steroid-using champion body builder to the post of energy fuhrer...
Read full storyMedvedev Orders White Russian in defiance of US Landslide for Kahlua and Vodka
Putin's bootblack President(ha!) Dmitri Medvedev responded to America's new love for black by defiantly ordering up a round of white russians. This certainly will throw a wrinkle into the proposed cocktail party planned for Black Obama and his now de...
Read full storyLabour Love Not Lost in Glenrothes in Fife - How far will it go?
Labour with the help of PM Brown rallied the once safe seat of Glenrothes in Fife back into the fold with Lindsay Roy's comeback victory in the Scottish highlands. UK politico watchers are wondering how far the Labour lovefest will spread. Clem...
Read full storyDemocrats Make Lieberman "Beg For Political Life"
Democrat leaders brought Joe " The Traitor" Lieberman into conference today to make him beg for his political life. Lieberman an almost lifelong democrat, ran as Al Gore's VP candidate in 2000. He began his divergence from the party in 2004 when his...
Read full story'Obamalot' era begins at White House - First Daughters choose pet puppy named "Pita"
1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE: A spokesperson for the new President-elect Barack Obama told reporters that the new Obamalot era has now begun and will "transform the White House - just like the Kennedy-Camelot era". In response to questions, the spoke...
Read full storyObama to Sing O Come, O Come Rahm Emanuel at Washington Advent Wreath Lighting!
Barack Obama , having charmed the American electorate like so many handsome, black , fit high school Student Council Presidents before him knows he needs a savior... Not jesus, though God knows he could use divine intervention with so many carpenters...
Read full storyKKK Welcomes Half White President-Elect!
The Ku Klux Klan, a long-standing and often revered terrorist organization throughout much of American history, welcomed Barack Obama as the first half-White president-Elect of the US of A! Hate group watchers were initially shocked by the Klan's pro...
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