High Octane, England - America's president-elect Barack Obama, fresh from his landslide victory, is now faced with allegations that he fathered Formula One's World Champion, Lewis Hamilton.
Hamilton, 23, the youngest ever Formula One champion and the first Black to hold the title, has seen his career skyrocket in tandem with that of his alleged father, Barack Obama.
"Besides the obvious physical similarities, Lewis and Barack share the same basic personality," claims BBC child psychologist, presenter and poet, Dr Tanya Lord Byron.
"They are both highly competitive, but at the same time both seek high approval ratings from others," waxed Dr Lord Byron, in uneven iambic pentameter.
"Of course this alone doesn't prove they are father and son," cautioned Dr Lord Byron, who has been accused of incestuous affairs herself. "But then again, how do we know that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are not father and son? It's certainly worth looking into."
The woman at the centre of the controversy is none other than pre-op transsexual Polly Graff, who has previously claimed she had a gay affair with Obama in 1996 in London. At that time, Ms Graff was a man serving in the Royal Air Force.
However, Ms Graff now claims she also had a previous affair with Obama in 1985 when she was a woman, the year of Lewis Hamilton's birth.
Interviewed at her flat in London, Ms Graff was surrounded by Obama and Hamilton political and racing memorabilia.
Moving a pile of newspaper clippings of Hamilton's recent race in Brazil and Obama's recent race in America from a sofa, Ms Graff settled in for a shocking and candid interview.
"It's true. I was a woman 23 years ago when I first met Barry. He was just a college kid at Columbia University in New York and flew over to London on a lark on one of those cheap trans-Atlantic flights," explained Ms Graff, fidgeting with her Lewis Hamilton charm bracelet.
"I was in fashion design school and making a little extra money to survive as a St Trinian's School Girl hostess at a clip joint in Soho called 'Up the Duff'. Barry and I met over a lap dance."
Ms Graff continued, "Apparently we went a bit too far in a back booth, and I ended up preggers for a fiver."
"Well, what were we to do, two young students with our lives ahead of us. So we agreed to give Lewis up for adoption when he was born.
The Hamilton family has been wonderful of course, but now it's time for Lewis to get to know his biological father," asserted Ms Graff, comparing likenesses of Obama and Hamilton in a double portrait frame.
Lewis Hamilton is reportedly thrilled at learning that his biological father is Barack Obama. This reporter caught up with Hamilton, ironically partying at the Up the Duff club in Soho with his mates following his Formula One championship win.
"Wow, what a coincidence!" exclaimed Hamilton. "This may be the very booth where I was conceived," he added, inadvertently spraying a magnum of champagne on the St Trinian's School Girl sitting on his lap.
"I always wondered why I felt an unnatural closeness to Obama," added Hamilton. "We look so much alike. Now I know why. And to know that Polly Graff is my mother, well I'll just have to figure that one out later," said Hamilton, uncorking another bottle of champers.
There has been no word as yet from President-elect Barack Obama concerning the claim that he is the father of Lewis Hamilton. However, there are unconfirmed reports of numerous frantic phone calls between Obama and John Edwards in the past 48 hours.
"It shouldn't be any big deal," affirmed Ms Polly Graff, hurrying off to her hormone therapy appointment with her son, Lewis Hamilton, in his McLaren Mercedes.
"Obama will just have to change his campaign slogan from 'Yes We Can' to 'Yes We Did'."
