Written by Carl LaFong

Friday, 7 November 2008

Police have named the thirteenth victim of "Judge Dead" as Dr Urnst Scourplug, the mad cap inventor of sliced bread. He died peacefully at his home whilst being hacked to death in a blood-lust attack by a mad axe-wielding killer. The killer, The Right Honourable Otto Frederick Rotweiler, a High Court Judge, is still at large despite the best efforts of Scotland Yard.

A spokesperson for the "yard" said, "The killer is using his inside knowledge to benefit from a loophole in the law which allows axe murderers to evade conviction by pleading guilty to "accidental axing" and apologizing in writing. There is nothing we can do about it".

Mother of the first victim to be accidentally murdered, Franz Eggunflipper, the world renowned physicist and inventor of the spatula, has called for a change in the law, "It's disgraceful that judges can go round chopping people up with an axe and walk away scot free, but to be fair he did send a very nice apology in writing".

"Judge Dead" - as he has been named in the press - was apprehended outside Dr Scourplugs' home by a boy scout who happened to be bob-a-jobbing in the area. Using his secret Boy-Scout knowledge he captured the crazy axe-wielding madman with a woggle, an elastic band, and some very fancy knot-work.

In a cruel twist, the plucky boy scout, Billy Wingplate, is being questioned by police and could be charged with the "unlawful use of knots" a crime that carries a minimum prison sentence of 35 years.

A spokesman for Warburton's bread was unavailable for comment but spoke to us anyway saying, "The world is now a much sadder place. Inventors of sliced bread don't come along every day, and when they do they get murdered by mad axe-men"

It's thought that Dr Scourplug was working on his latest invention, said to be the best thing since sliced bread but, sadly, we will never know

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
100 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more