Washington,DC/ Wall Street Journal - Even Barney Frank, House Banking Chairman, admitted the cost of buying the Presidency was too much! Frank and other Ultra Left Liberals are pushing through Congress a new set of rules for future elections that will prominently feature "Oprah" as a cost cutting move to placate taxpayers.
With the increasing popularity of "No Brainer" reality shows, the Democrat scriptwriters have proposed a National Reality Show "Who's Your Daddy!", hosted by Dem Diva Oprah, which will span 12 weeks instead of the normal 3 years and 51 weeks of current campaigning for the Presidency.
Appearing during the early afternoon, to insure that all unemployed viewers are up and around after a good night sleep, the 2 hour show will have a similar format made popular with such shows as "Dancing with the Stars".
Candidates will be introduced by Øprah, judged by three popular talking heads , be expected to be versed in several physical and mental disciplines, and also be voted on by people at home. Popular votes coming from the home audience will only be vallidated when accompanied by a pre-paid Visa Card, or cashier's check.
Among the judges selected for their sharp wit , caustic analysis and non partisanship will be Chris Mathews, Keith Oberman, Rev. Al Sharpton ,
Al Franken, and Spike Lee. Judges will appear on a rotating schedule due to other, more pressing commitments in their entertainment careers.
Among the physical disciplines, candidates will be graded on their vertical leap, speed in the 40 yard dash, accuracy from the free throw line, and points scored in the school yard game "Horse's Ass." Hockey and swimming will not be on the list of disciplines tested being branded "racist".
Candidates will be challenged to think on their feet and judged on their innate ability to "Trash Talk", advance their talking points over valid questions, pettifog, and deflect criticism by summoning up "The Race Card" (black or white).
Geography and political history will also be tested to some degree, but will not be weighted as heavily as the other testing areas due to the general lack of any knowledge among most US College Graduates. There will, however, be bonus points for candidates who show superior knowledge in African History and Genocide.
At the end of the 12 weeks, the candidates will be graded on a weighted basis. Special considerations will be rewarded with bonus points for affirmative action, quotas, and fund raising.
The audience can register and vote in the same day, and citizenship and felony convictions are not deterrents as long as the vote is accompanied by untraceable cash.
Loser in the contest doesn't go away empty handed. He or she gets an hour long exit interview with Larry King on very late night TV, and after that gets to live in privacy, unless of course his/her election handlers decide to trash them!
